His Understanding Of The Name Is A Bit Rocky

, , , , , | Right | September 26, 2017

(This takes place in a five-star hotel’s cocktail bar that people come into to show off to friends. This night, a young guy in a cheap, ill-fitting suit brings his date in. I can tell he is out of his comfort zone but still wants to put on a good show for his date.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get you to drink tonight?”

Customer: “I’ll have a [sickly sweet cocktail] for the lady, and a scotch on the rocks, with ice, for me.”

Me:”…okay, sure. Scotch on the rocks.”

Customer: “With ice, please.”

Me: “…”

There Is A Burning Need To Leave

, , , | Right | September 25, 2017

(There is a fire next door, and I have just been notified. I am about to go around alerting the guests in the building next to the one that is burning. Thankfully, only one of the rooms is occupied.)

Me: *knocks on the door, and the guest opens up* “Hi! There is a fire next door, and I have to ask you to evacuate immediately.”

Guest: “What?”

Me: “The building behind your room is on fire, and we are not sure if the fire will come this way, so we are asking that you leave the room.”

Guest: “Leave my room? I have to take a shower! I need to go somewhere and get ready!”

Me: “Well, the building behind you is burning, and has smoke coming out of the roof!”

(The guest closes the door. I can’t get her to leave, so I go find my manager to help me. I am unable to find her until I look on our roof. She is up there, spraying water with a hose on our roof, so the fire won’t be as dangerous if it comes over to our building. She tells me to get a key to another room and ask the guest again to leave.)

Me: *knocks on the door, and the guest’s husband opens up; all the while you can hear the fire trucks approaching* “Hi, there’s a fire next door—”

Guest’s Husband: *he cuts me off* “Yeah, I know. I opened up the bathroom window and immediately smelled the smoke. I had to show her so she would get dressed.”

Guest: *fully dressed and with a “just got yelled at” expression on her face* “I’m ready. Where do we have to go?”

Me: “Here’s a key to room [number]. It is in the other building, and you can keep it for the rest of the night. You can finish getting ready in there.”

(I may not have had a building full of guests, but the only two that I had sure caused me some trouble.)

That’s Too Much Sharing

, , , , | Right | September 20, 2017

(My friend is traveling to New York on business. While he usually gets his own room, his boss warns him that due to cutbacks, he may be sharing a room with a coworker this trip. The hotel desk clerk is a very attractive woman.)

Friend: “Reservation for [Name].”

Clerk: “And will you be staying alone, sir?”

Friend: “Yes.” *remembers that the room may have been reserved for two* “Unless you have other plans.”

Clerk: *icily hands him his key card* “Good day, sir.”

Pick One: Your Wife Or Your Wi-fi

, , , , | Right | September 18, 2017

(This is observed by my father while checking into a hotel. The desk clerk happens to be female, and another guest checking in ahead of my dad is male.)

Desk Clerk: “Here’s your keycard, sir.” *starts writing something on the inside of the paper sleeve*

Customer: “Please, don’t do that.”

Desk Clerk: “I’m sorry, sir?”

Customer: “Just don’t. I’m a married man, and I have no intentions of cheating on my wife.”

(There’s a bit of back and forth before the clerk is finally able to get out:)

Desk Clerk: “Sir, this is the password for the Wi-Fi.”

(The customer turned beet red, thanked the clerk, and left.)

It’s Suite To Say “I Told You So”

, , , | Working | September 16, 2017

(We have a new manager hired and she’s very nice, but seems naive. Our hotel has a standard room, and a few suites that have refrigerators and microwaves. I notice that we are oversold on these suites.)

Me: “Why are we oversold? We were okay!”

Manager: “I know, but then the family in [Suite] said their remodeling isn’t done, so they need another day.”

Me: “So, you extended them?!”

Manager: “Well, yeah.”

Me: “What are we going to do about the people who have booked the suite?! They’ll be furious if they have no place to go! They’re from a wedding group!”

Manager: “Calm down; I’ll just give them two standard rooms. They should be happy with getting two rooms for the price of one! We’ll just explain to them exactly what happened.”

Me: *muttering* “You clearly don’t know how people are…”

Manager: “Don’t be so negative; they’ll be perfectly alright!”

(When the wedding group comes in, my manager explains to them what has happened and what they are going to get instead. Needless to say, they are absolutely FURIOUS that their suite isn’t available anymore and demand their money back. After some arguing, they get their rooms comped.)

Manager: “…well, I didn’t know they’d be so angry!”

Me: *head-desk*

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