Not Speaking Full English

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

Guest: *on the phone* “Do you serve hot breakfast?”

Me: “Yes, we serve a full Scottish breakfast.”

Guest: “So you don’t have any hot food? Like a full English?”

Me: “A full Scottish breakfast is basically the same as a full English, but you get haggis as well. And it’s a buffet so you can choose not to have that if you don’t want it.”

Guest: “So I can’t get eggs or sausages? You know, like in a full English.”

Me: “I assure you, our buffet has hot food. It is a full English, plus haggis.”

Guest: “But I can’t get eggs, ’cause it’s Scottish?”

Me: “…”

Guest: “It’s just continental, with muffins and stuff.”

Me: “The buffet has any number of breakfast items, but if you want something not available, you can ask the chef, and it won’t be a problem. Though I assure you, the buffet has hot, full English breakfast items. Such as eggs.”

Guest: “Okay, I’ll just ask the chef to make me a full English, then. Thank you.”

A Platter Of Misunderstandings

| Canada | Food & Drink, Money, Popular

(It is a very busy morning at our hotel as all of our conference rooms have been booked for meetings. The night before, my employee called me asking if it was still possible to place a catering order for one of the meetings. He said the gentlemen in charge is there to set up the room and realized he hadn’t requested it sooner. I had him put the customer on and I informed him that we could only arrange for a simple dessert platter or soup-and-sandwich menu at this short of notice, and he decided on a dessert platter and two large pitchers of coffee. The next morning I greet him as he comes in.)

Me: “Good morning! So, just to confirm, you wanted the dessert platter and coffee served at 9 am, is that correct?”

Customer #1: “Excellent! Thank you.”

(I go back to the front desk and people start arriving. Around 8:30 a gentlemen approaches the desk.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me, I’m in [same meeting as the first customer] and I’m wondering if we could get the bill for the room in advance. I’m going to prepare a check and drop it off when we step out for lunch.”

Me: “Absolutely. I’ve got everything ready right here. I just need a moment to print it out.”

(I print it and hand it off and he thanks me. A moment later he returns.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me, why are we being charged $24.95 for food and beverage services?”

Me: “Oh! That’s for the dessert platter and the coffee that you ordered from [Local Catering Company].”

Customer #2: “What dessert and coffee? I didn’t order anything from [Catering Company].”

Me: “The gentlemen in charge of the meeting ordered it last night.”

Customer #2: “I’M in charge of this meeting and I didn’t order anything! Who did you speak with?”

Me: “Umm… I spoke with [Customer #1], that gentlemen standing over there. He came in last night to do the set-up and we spoke over the phone. I also confirmed it with him this morning; I confirmed that he wanted it for 9 am.”

Customer #2: “I have no idea where you’re getting this from. We did not order anything. I am in charge of the finances and the decisions. How dare you allow someone to go over my head!”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, sir, but he was the one who booked the room and he is the one with whom I’ve had all communications. I didn’t even know you existed before this morning so I had no way of knowing you were in charge.”

Customer #2: “Well, okay, that is understandable but I do need this taken off the bill, please.”

Me: “Well, the food has just been delivered and paid for maybe 10 minutes ago. It’s non-refundable so we would be taking a financial loss here. Are you certain you don’t want to take it? At a discounted price maybe?”

Customer #2: “I said, TAKE. IT. OFF.”

Me: “Yes, sir. I’m terribly sorry for the mix up.”

(I remove it from his bill and proceed to call the local soup kitchen to tell them we have a donation for them. They come by to pick it up and are very grateful. Around 9:45, the meeting let’s out for a break and about a dozen people flood into our breakfast room. I figure they are going to watch the television and since breakfast is over I don’t mind letting them mingle. Then I hear the familiar sound of our cupboard doors opening and closing and the coffee machine running. I go in to see all 12 people eating muffins and drinking coffee. A few even have yogurts from the fridge. I take a count and prepare a bill and when the group lets out for lunch I present it to Customer #2.)

Customer #2: “What is this? What am I paying $42 for food and beverages for?! I thought we discussed this already!”

Me: “This is a bill for the coffee, muffins, and yogurt your guests took from our breakfast room. Those items are only free to hotels guests and only during breakfast hours. It’s $1.50 per coffee for 12 coffees, $1.35 per muffin at 12 muffins, and $1.50 per yogurt for five yogurts.”

Customer #2: “I don’t understand. It was under $30 a couple hours ago…”

Me: “Yes, for the dessert platter and coffee provided by [Catering Company]. They charge a flat fee which we are not charging you for. Those muffins and coffees come from our personal supply. We charge per item whereas the catering company charges a flat rate.”

Customer #2: “Well, give me the catering platter and stuff, then!”

Me: “Even if I could you would just end up paying for both.”

Customer #2: “I should have kept my big mouth shut.”

(He pulled out his checkbook and cut a check for the food and I later heard him yelling at his guests to “not touch the bloody food!”)

They Already Checked Out Last Night

| CO, USA | Holidays, Hotels & Lodging, Theme Of The Month

Guest: “Hi there. I would like to check out.”

Me: “I can do that for you. Did you enjoy your stay?”

Guest: “Yes, I love Colorado!”

Me: “I’m happy to hear that; I hope you come back soon.”

Guest: “Oh, I will! Here is my room key and what I couldn’t finish.” *smiles*

(He hands me his key, I feel a small bag under it.)

Guest: “Have a green Christmas!”

(I didn’t even need to look to see what it was. Only in Colorado will you get a check out with pot at four am.)