This Is Checking Out Okay

, , | Right | February 8, 2018

(I work as the guest services manager at a hotel. Early one morning, around 9:00 am, a local resident comes in looking for a room. She pays cash and leaves a deposit, and since we have a vacant room already cleaned, I agree to check her in. Around 2:30 pm, the customer comes back to the front desk.)

Me: “Hi! Is everything okay?”

Customer: “Oh, yes. There’s just been a change of plans. I won’t be needing this room tonight, after all, so I’ll be checking out now.”

(At this point, I prepare for a fight, because housekeeping has just finished for the day. I won’t be able to refund her room charge if the room has been used in any way, because I can’t rent it out until it has been properly cleaned.)

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. I will have to go check the room, though, before I can—”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, no problem! I just took a shower, had a nap, nothing crazy in there. No damage, I promise.”

Me: “Yes, well, unfortunately, housekeeping is finished for the day, and since the room has been used, I won’t be able to refund your money today. You see—”

Customer: “Oh, I know.”

Me: *pause* “What?”

Customer: “I said, ‘I know.’ I don’t want my money back; I just wanted to pick up my deposit.”

Me: “Oh! Well, in that case, you’re all set to go.”

Customer: “Oh, good. I was starting to think something was wrong.”

Me: “My gosh, no. It’s just that normally when this happens, people expect to get their money back, and they fight with us.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “Oh, yes. You have no idea. I’ve had people check in at 3:00 pm, and at 11:00 pm, they want to leave and be refunded or have the charge removed from their credit card. People get really aggressive about it, too; last month we had to call the police on a woman because she was trying to get in the office to assault my front desk clerk. She destroyed part of my lobby!”

Customer: “Really? That’s unbelievable. You would think people would understand the concept of paying for what they use or consume. Some people just never grow up.”

Me: “Well, here’s your deposit back, and thank you again for not pitching a fit.”

Customers: “No worries. Thanks a lot!”

(Best customer I’ve had in weeks.)

Locked Himself Out Of His Own Understanding

, , , , , | Right | February 7, 2018

(I work in a large complex. Two buildings are the hotel, where we sell rooms per night, but three buildings are for monthly rental, like apartments. In both cases, people check in at the hotel’s front desk. One day, an older man comes in wanting to visit a room to rent for the month. I make him a magnetic swipe key for one of the rooms so that he may go visit it. A good ten minutes later, he comes back, looking rather flustered.)

Guest: “There is no lock to put the key in!”

Me:  “What do you mean, there is no lock?”

Guest: “Just that: there is no lock in the door! There is one on the building door, which I swiped, and it worked, but on the room door there is nothing in the door to swipe the key.”

(I recall that our maintenance staff have been having issues with the locks lately, are waiting for new ones to be delivered, and have been taking locks from currently unavailable rooms and putting them on available ones so that those rooms may still be sold. I think perhaps they have taken the lock from this particular room and forgotten to alert the front desk. I apologize to the man and offer to let him visit another room, in the same building.)

Guest: “Well, is it going to work this time, or am I only going there for nothing again?”

Me: *thinking there is no way maintenance could have forgotten twice to block a room* “There should be no problem.”

(I make him a key and let him go, but he returns in less than two minutes and starts yelling at me.)

Guest: “What the f*** are you doing to me? Are you having fun with me?”

Me: “No, sir. What—”

Guest: “There is nowhere to put the key in that one, either! You take those two rooms off your list, now! Who’s your manager? I want to see him, now!”

(I explain that my manager is going to be here later tonight, and the man storms off, promising to come back. Puzzled by what the man seemed so adamant about, I call my houseman to check the two rooms to see what is going on. He comes back to me and says he got in, no problem, and that there is nothing wrong with the locks to the room. He doesn’t understand why the man said there wasn’t a lock. He stops to think one second and says:)

Houseman: “Well… it’s a different model of lock than the one on the building’s door.”

Me: “How so?”

Houseman: “Well, most of our locks are like the one on the building’s door, which requires the key card to be held at a perpendicular angle from the door, with only the magnetic stripe sliding through. The model on those rooms, though, is the one for which you have to hold the key flat against the door lock and slide the whole card down into the slit.”

(I instantly recalled what he was talking about, as I have naturally seen them myself, but I couldn’t believe anyone couldn’t figure out how to put the key in them. When I retold the story to my manager, when he came in, he laughed so hard he said it would be a pleasure to point the man’s lack of intelligence to him should he come back to see him. He never did, unfortunately.)

It’s Going To Be One Of Those Nights

, , , | Right | February 2, 2018

(I work in a hotel.)

Me: “Sir, it’s time for you to check out, as per our computer.”

Guest: “How dare you?! I want to leave tomorrow, not today! I was supposed to! That’s what I want!”

Me: “Sir, the date of your departure is written on your key packet. Did you not see it?”

Guest: “I don’t get paid to read! Who looks at their key packet?! This is f****** ridiculous!”

(He ranted and raved that he was not leaving until tomorrow and that we’d have to call the police to make him leave. The manager gave him a free night stay for his troubles and blamed me.)

Need To Maintain The Maintenance Staff

, , , , | Working | January 30, 2018

(I work in a hotel. I get a call from a customer complaining that a large man had barged into his room at 1:00 pm, said something about a leak, and left. I summon the maintenance man.)

Me: “Did you go into [Room]?”

Maintenance Man: “Yeah.”

Me: “They were mad because they said that you just barged in.”

Maintenance Man: “I knocked, and when there was no answer, I opened the door. It’s standard procedure.”

(I was flabbergasted, because I knew he knew that the room was occupied. Turns out, he went into the wrong room, on a different floor than he was supposed to go to! My coworkers and I were shocked when he still said that he did nothing wrong. I had to apologize to the customer for him. Luckily, the customer accepted it. Can you tell that maintenance-related problems are 95% of our complaints?)

Not Even Remotely A Valid Complaint

, , , | Right | January 30, 2018

(I work at a hotel. A guest calls on the phone.)

Guest: “How do you work these remotes?! I’ve tried and I don’t understand!”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry? I’ve never had a complaint about them. What is it you don’t understand!”

Guest: “All these buttons! They’re so many!”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

(I give him a brief rundown of our remote, which isn’t too complicated at all. Channel up and down buttons, volume, mute, etc.)

Guest: “Thank you! It was so complicated! I’ll be complaining to the manager about this later!” *hangs up*

(He did write the manager, complaining about how hard the remotes were to understand. The kicker was that the guest was an engineer!)

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