Can’t Vouch For The Existence Of Their Voucher… Or Their Brain

, , , , | Right | July 3, 2018

(Many of our overnight guests book online using a wide assortment of deals and vouchers. Some deals include a free meal or bottle of wine. This happens far too often.)

Customer: “I’d like to check out, please.”

Me: “Sure. Was everything all right during your stay?”

Customer: “Yes, we had a lovely time. The only gripe is that we didn’t get our free bottle of wine.”

Me: “Oh, dear, I am sorry. Did the person serving you not take your voucher?”

Customer: “Oh, no, we didn’t give her our voucher.”

Me: “I’m sorry… You didn’t present your voucher?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Did you ask the waitress for it when ordering your meal?”

Customer: “No! I already told you! I’ll be writing about this on [Hotel Review Website], I’m afraid! You can’t just not give people the free stuff they’re entitled to!”

Me: “So, just so I have this straight: you didn’t tell anyone that you were supposed to get a free bottle of wine, and you’re unhappy because you didn’t get a free bottle of wine?”

(Even now that I have written, “Please present all vouchers at the bar,” in large letters on the boards around the pub, it still happens. I fear for humanity sometimes!)

An Extra Hour Might Hospitalize You

, , , , | Working | July 3, 2018

Manager: “Hey, can you stay an extra hour? [Coworker] called out.”

Me: “Again? This is the third time in a week, and she’s always calling out five minutes before her shift!”

Manager: “Yeah… She’s in the hospital.”

Me: *pause* “A valid excuse. Still mad, though.”

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Unfiltered Story #115640

, | Unfiltered | July 3, 2018

(I work at a franchise hotel that is only-suites rooms, the name is ‘[Franchise] Suites’. This conversation happens on a daily basis.)

Me: “[Franchise] Suites, the only all suites hotel near [local attraction]; this is [my name], how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I was wondering what rooms you would have available tonight and the rates?”

Me: *goes through room types and rates, mentioning each was a suite*

Caller: “I don’t need anything fancy, don’t you have any regular rooms?”

Me: *internal sigh* “We are an all-suites facility.”

Caller: “Ah, okay.” *click*

The Eventual Heat Death Of Their Brain

, , , , , , | Working | June 29, 2018

(I work in a hotel. I am Australian, living in London. It is currently a “heat wave,” around 30° C [86° F], and I am working a canapé reception. The manager gathers us before the guests arrive to give a small briefing.)

Manager: “And lastly, you’ve all noticed it’s quite hot today. Please keep the doors to the staff areas shut as much as possible; we have the air conditioners on, but this is all the cold air we have. We don’t want the guests getting too hot.”

(Several of my coworkers are nodding seriously in agreement. One of the only other Australians leans over to me:)

Coworker: “‘All the cold air we have’? So, who wants to tell him that’s not how air conditioning works?”

Your Shut-Down Just Got Shut Down

, , , , | Right | June 28, 2018

(I work in a hotel. It is during the United States government shutdown. A guest comes in with a prepaid reservation.)

Me: “If I could see your ID and a card in case of incidentals, I can get you checked right in.”

Guest: “What form of ID? Can I use my work ID?”

Me: “It needs to be a government-issued, photo ID, sir.”

Guest: “But the government is shut down!”

(He is grinning like a five-year-old and his wife is rolling her eyes. I can also see his license in his hand.)

Me: “Only federal, sir, and since your driver’s license is state-issued, I’ll just use the one in your hand.”

(He fake pouts, and his wife rolls her eyes so hard I think she might hurt herself.)

Wife: “He’s been doing this at every hotel for the past five nights!”

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