Should Nut Have Said It That Way

, , , , , , , | Working | October 23, 2019

(I work in the kitchen of a high-end hotel. We give out “welcome packages” to VIPs, usually consisting of a small plate of food of some kind. Today, we had two people from a large company receiving welcome packages, each including a package of mixed nuts. One of the packages of mixed nuts was a bit larger than the other.)

Me: “Who gets which package, since they’re a little different in size?”

Manager: “I’m not sure! Let me call someone and find out who has seniority!” *on phone* “Hi. I was wondering who has bigger nuts in [Company]?”

Me: *stifles laughter*

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Unfiltered Story #173050

, , | Unfiltered | October 23, 2019

(Our shuttle is available based on scheduling and availability. Often times we can do last-minute shuttles, but not always)
Guest: (coming out of elevator) Is the shuttle just right outside?
Me: It is, but let me see if we have availability. (we do)
Me: Okay, it looks like we have a little time. Where are you headed?
Guest: Across the street.
Me: ….okay, where are you headed?
Guest: Just across the street.
Me: …..
Guest: That’s okay, I can just walk.
Me: No, I just need to know where you’re headed so we can take you there.
Guest: Across the street! To [Competitor Hotel two blocks away].
Me: Okay, let me go grab my valet!

The Hangover Doesn’t Taste So Suite

, , , , | Romantic | October 22, 2019

Me: “Guest services, how can I help you?”

Caller: “You can help me by telling me what this $500 is on my d*** bill!”

(After looking up his bill, I see that not only did they smoke a number of substances which they left evidence of in the room, but they also broke the entire bathroom mirror, and burned a heart design into the computer desk.)

Me: “Sir, it appears that we have charged a fee on each of your rooms for damage as well as a fee for smoking in the room. This is a non-smoking property.”

Caller: “I can’t help what my girl does.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we have a strict no-smoking policy, and you are responsible for the state of the room because you made the reservation.”

Caller: “I can’t help it! My girl likes to smoke afterward!”

Me: “It also looks like you broke a mirror in one of the rooms.”

Caller: “That was Bibby. Bibby crazy, girl. Bibby crazy.”

Me: “Well sir, you made the reservations, so you are responsible for your girlfriend, as well as ‘Bibby’.”

Caller: “She ain’t my girlfriend, she just my girl.”

Me: “Someone burned a heart into the desk in one of the rooms, and we had to bring in a steam cleaner for both carpets, because of the vomit.”

Caller: “I told you Bibby was crazy.”

Me: “Well, sir, I’m sorry, but we are keeping the damage fee, even though ‘Bibby’ burned the desk.”

Caller: “Oh, no the desk was me.”

Me: “Then it is absolutely your responsibility.”

Caller: “It was a declaration of love, woman. She wanted a declaration of love!”

Me: “If you have any further questions, sir, you’re going to have to call our corporate customer care line.”

Caller: “It was for LOVE!”

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Unfiltered Story #172112

, , , | Unfiltered | October 22, 2019

It was my first job as an Interpreter, I was really nervous, after a long flight from Mexico to Denver we got to the Hotel

girl at the front desk: How many Kids? (Well that is what i heard but she meant How many Keys for the room)
Me: None
Front desk looks at me confused… (my brain started working) oh oh oh Keys Hotel Keys
The girl and I laughed at the misunderstanding, She said it was the first time that someone wanted no lock doors on their room

Good thing the client i was working for had a good sense of humor and i wasn’t fired after I explained what happened

It’s Coffee O’Clock!

, , | Right | October 21, 2019

(Our hotel has a complimentary breakfast, but on weekends it opens later than during the week to give people a chance to sleep in. I work the overnight shift, so I see all of the early risers. Without fail, every Saturday and Sunday morning around five or six am, I have this conversation at least twice.)

Guest: “Um, excuse me, ma’am. Where is the breakfast?”

Me: “It’s the weekend, so the breakfast won’t be open until 7:30…”

(A look of horror crosses the guest’s face.)

Me: “…but if it’s coffee you’re after, the kitchen staff turns the pots on early; there should be some over there by now!”

Guest: *completely relieved* “Oh, thank God!”

(Thankfully, they’re usually just happy to be able to get their caffeine. I have had some of the surlier ones yell at me for the lights being off!)

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