Sub-par Subway Humor

| Washington, D.C., USA | Right | March 12, 2015

(A man and his nervous looking wife approach.)

Man: “Hello, we’d like to get information on how to ride the subway around?”

Me: “Sure. To ride the subway you have to purchase a ticket from the machine there.”

Wife: “It’s safe around here, isn’t it?”

Me: “Of course.”

Wife: “I don’t believe it!”

Man: “Honey, it is perfectly fine.”

Me: *deciding to kid her* “Actually, you must be careful. Sometimes the subway trains will spit you out if you don’t board them fast!”

(The man starts laughing and his wife looks like she might faint.)

Me: “I’m kidding. They don’t do that!”

Wife: *not listening* “I’m going home!” *runs off*

Me: *to man* “Gee, good thing I didn’t say anything about the ticket price. Now, that’s scary.”

(He stopped laughing.)

They’re All Dog-Gone Crazy

| GA, USA | Working | March 9, 2015

(I’ve worked night audit at a hotel for several years, and enjoy my job, but put in my notice because my family is relocating. The application/interview/hiring/training people experience two hires who don’t bother calling in or showing up for their first night of training, and one hire who actually shows up, but only for the first night. Finally, we find someone who shows up and seems trainable. One night we have a lull, and are chit-chatting about our pets.)

Me: “The boss is awesome. After a nearby property had been robbed, he allowed me to bring my husband’s police K9 with me to work for a few nights.”

Trainee: “I always bring my dog to work.”

Me: “Uh… such a thing would have to be cleared by the manager.”

Trainee: “But my dog is in my purse right now!”

(I am a little shocked, thinking that eight hours inside a purse isn’t really ideal! Turned out that the dog in question had been dead for some time, and that the trainee carried his ashes everywhere, because she ‘just knew’ someone would break into her house and steal her precious puppy! By this point, there was no time to hire anyone else, so I finished the training I could do, and moves away. A couple of weeks later, the new employee quit, because ‘no one had told her that the job would be overnight, and no one had trained her to do the audit.’)

The Language Just Flows

| France | Right | March 9, 2015

(My aunt and her family are in a hotel in France. We’re German, and she doesn’t really speak any French or English beyond a few words, just enough to get things hilariously wrong. She finds that their bathroom is missing its toilet brush (German word for brush: Bürste.) She decides to go to the reception desk to complain, only realising that she didn’t know all the English words for what she wanted to tell them.)

Aunt: “Toilet burst! Toilet burst! TOILET BURST!”

(The poor guy probably had visions of pure horror…)

A Cab Will Just Go And Go And Chicago

| Dallas, TX, USA | Right | March 6, 2015

Guest: “Can you call me a cab to take me to O’Hare?”

Front Desk: “Sure, but you might want to consider flying there since you’re in Dallas.”

Guest: “Oh, yeah. I forgot.”

Midwest Going South

| West Yellowstone, MT, USA | Right | March 3, 2015

(Most of the time when guests have a clogged toilet they come down or call and ask for a plunger or someone to come up. After all, we really don’t need to know WHY it’s clogged to fix it (and honestly we don’t want you to tell us).)

Guest: “Yeah, could I have a plunger? I just took a good old Midwestern s***!”

Me: “I did not know that was something the Midwest was known for…”

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