I’m about an hour into my shift at a hotel when I get a call from a room.

Guest: “Is your Wi-Fi working?”

Me: “Yes.”

After a pause, he hangs up without saying anything.

A few minutes later, a man comes to the front desk with a laptop, and I figure it’s the guy who called earlier.

Guest: “Are you sure the Wi-Fi is working?”

Me: “It is. In fact, I’m using it right now.”

Guest: “Can you check my laptop to make sure?”

I’m hesitant to do that because I’m not tech support, and we do have a technical support number for guests to call. I hand him the number.

Guest: “Just check my laptop to make sure I’m connected.”

I look at the screen and it’s on his bookmarks. It’s a lot of adult sites from what I can tell by briefly skimming it.

Me: “Did you press ‘agree’ on our Wi-Fi connection page?”

Guest: “What?”

I show him how to do that, and he’s connected. He returns to his room.

A few minutes later, he calls back.

Guest: “Why is the Wi-Fi still not working?”

Me: “Sir, load our website.”

Guest: “It connected just fine. But I’m still having trouble loading my personal sites.”

I take that to mean adult sites, and our Wi-Fi won’t load those, but I don’t say that. Sometimes people ask me candidly why they can’t connect to those sorts of sites and I just give a generic answer about how our Wi-Fi filters out certain sites for security reasons and they can call technical support for more information if they wish.

This guy, however, is being rather cagey about it and probably isn’t aware I saw his bookmarks, and I’m not about to step on that landmine, so I again refer him to our technical support number.

Guest: “Why can’t you help me?”

Me: “Sir, if you can load our website, you are, in fact, connected.”

He comes back down a few minutes later.

Guest: “I called technical support, and they referred me back to you without helping me!”

That’s not true because they’ll call us if it’s a hardware issue on our end and it isn’t that he just can’t load his adult content over our network.

He then demands a refund, which I refuse because our Wi-Fi IS demonstrably working and he has been in the room for hours. He asks what I can do for him since he probably won’t get any sleep tonight and will probably have to sleep in his car because apparently all his money is tied up in our hotel.

Me: “I’ll let the managers know about your issue, but for the reason I cited, I cannot give you a refund.”

He looks at me for a moment.

Guest: “We’ll see.”

Then, he left. That was a little ominous. It was not exactly a threat, either, but something I will definitely write in our logbook.

I work night audit for a hotel chain. We are sold out one night; I’m waiting on three people to arrive, and they’ve all called to say they are coming.

We have a plastic key container, and as people check in, we take the room keys from there.

A guest shows up wanting to check into a room. I know he’s not one of the three people I’m waiting for.

Me: *Politely* “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re sold out tonight.”

The guest then goes into the diatribe.

Guest: “I’m a [Guest Rewards Program] member! You are obligated to keep a room on standby just in case a member needs a room!”

Me: “Mr. [Guest], I can’t sell you what I don’t have.”

The guest then looks up, sees the key holder, and has the unmitigated gall and audacity to say:

Guest: “Since those people haven’t arrived yet, you can just give me their room, and they can find another place since I’m already here.”

Me: “Mr. [Guest], that’s not going to happen. They’ve made reservations already; you haven’t.”

Guest: “I’ve never been treated like this! [Rewards Program] members should come before others all the d*** time!“

Me: “Have a good night, Mr. [Guest]!”

I think that is the end, but nah. I get a call from the [Rewards Program] desk, asking for me specifically.

Instead of asking me what’s going on or trying to hear my side, the [Rewards Program] employee begins to attempt to chastise me about how important the program members are and how I need to go above and beyond, no matter the situation. I stayed quiet during her entire speech and then asked a question.

Me: “Ma’am, are you done?”

Employee: “I beg your pardon?”

Me: “My question was pretty clear. Are… you… done?”

I hear silence.

Me: “Good. Did Mr. [Guest] tell you that he didn’t have a reservation at this property and that he was told that we were sold out? Of course, he didn’t. Because if he had, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Did Mr. [Guest] tell you that he wanted me to cancel the reservation of one of the incoming guests so he could have a room? Of course, he didn’t. Because if he had, you and I wouldn’t be having this pointless conversation. We are still sold out, and he is not getting a room here. But instead of asking me what the issue was, you chose to try to scold a grown man like a child. So, with all of this being said, is there anything else that I can help you with? No? Then enjoy your evening.”

Click.

I felt pretty d*** good after that!

I work in a hotel. A high-tier member of our guest rewards program comes to the desk with his girlfriend.

Guest: “The name is [Guest].”

Me: *Smiling* “Hello, sir, welcome. Ahh, I have your booking right here. Let me print the paperwork.”

Guest: *Glaring and demanding* “I’d like to request an upgrade.”

Me: “All right, let me see. Hmm… you’ve already been upgraded from a standard twin to a king superior with a sofa bed.”

Guest: “I want a suite.”

Laughing nervously, I check the system.

Me: “Sir, we don’t have a suite available. They are occupied.”

Guest: “Yes, you do. You have the presidential suite.”

Me: “Um…”

He pulls out his phone to show me.

Guest: “I see you still have it on your website!”

His quiet girlfriend also pulls out her phone to show it to me twice for some reason.

Now let me stop here to explain some context.

The presidential suite is £800 a night. It’s three rooms with their own balconies. The wallpaper in those rooms is £1,000 a roll. The presidential suite is gorgeous.

I look at this dude’s rate, and he booked a standard twin for £103 for the night. Absolutely not happening.

Me: “Sir, we don’t have the presidential suite available.”

Guest: “As a diamond member, I get free upgrades!”

He shoves the phone showing the available suite at me. At this point, I’m starting to shake because he’s being super forceful, like a guy who would flip out if a woman turned him down at a bar or a child being refused a toy.

Trying to defuse the situation, I look more into the system.

Me: “We have a king-superior sea view tonight that I’d be happy to give you. The diamond member complimentary upgrade only allows for a room type in a category that’s one grade up from the one you book, and we have done that, but I can give you this, the king-superior—”

Guest: “I want to speak to your manager.”

Me: “All right, gladly.”

I go get my manager and explain the situation. He comes out and repeats everything I said. He explains that we can’t give the presidential suite to the guest because the suite is four rooms, but he’d also be happy to give him a king-superior sea view.

Guest: “No, I don’t want that room! That room is rubbish! I stayed in that exact room the last time I was here, and it was dreadful. I want the presidential suite!”

No, he didn’t, and he had no idea what the number of said room would be.

Manager: “Sir, I am not going to give you the presidential suite, but I have this lovely king-superior sea view room available for you.”

The guest whines.

Guest: “I’VE DRIVEN ONE HUNDRED MILES TO COME HERE! I know [Company CEO] personally! The [Hotel Brand] in [Town] lets me have their presidential suite all the time!”

My front office manager stands his ground. The guest sighs.

Guest: “Fine. Cancel my booking, then.”

He’s clearly bluffing.

Manager: *Robotically* “That’s a shame because I have a lovely king-superior sea view for you to enjoy.”

Guest: “No, I want the suite. Cancel my booking. I’m going to another hotel.”

Manager: “All right.”

He does, and that is that. My manager goes to finish paperwork, and I continue my nightly routine, watching the guy and his girlfriend in the lobby fiddle on their phones. After a bit, the guest approaches again.

Guest: “Can I see your manager again?”

My manager sighs and comes out.

Guest: *Sheepishly* “Can you book me a taxi?”

I work in a hotel. We had a guest staying with a woman that he said was his wife (it wasn’t) in a room for a few days. We never saw this lady, and the man said she was ill and kept extending his stay each day to give her more time to recover. At one point, the man came into the lobby.

Guest: “I need to have the sheets changed in my room. My wife soiled herself in the bed by accident.”

The head housekeeper went to the room with fresh sheets. What he found there was disturbing. Yes, the bed was covered in feces, but there were empty plastic vodka bottles strewn about the room, and the place smelled heavily of cigarette smoke, which is not allowed in the hotel. The woman remained in the washroom the entire time the housekeeper was there.

When the housekeeper told us about this situation, I made the decision not to allow them to extend another night if asked. I had already agreed to let him stay that night. The guest came into the lobby later that day.

Guest: “Can I extend my day one more night?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re sold out. You’ll have to check out tomorrow morning at 11:00 am.”

Guest: “I understand.”

The next morning, the man left abruptly at about 9:00 am — without his “wife”. I sent the cleaner up to the room to see what was going on.

At the bottom of the stairs from the rooms, we have a courtyard. In the courtyard, there was a huge pile of the woman’s stuff: backpacks, shoes, garbage bags of clothes, etc. She was nowhere to be found and the room was empty. Assuming the man would be coming back for the clothes and stuff, I sent the housekeepers in to clean the room.

While they were cleaning the room, the woman arrived, walked into the room with a giant bottle of vodka, took off her pants, and laid down on the couch, refusing to leave. It was now past checkout time, so I was called to deal with the situation.

When I arrived, the woman was naked except for an open blouse, revealing a heavily tattooed, sixty-ish-year-old body that had seen some years of heavy drinking.

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid I have to ask you to put on some clothes and leave the premises. You do not have a room booked here for tonight, and it is well past checkout.”

Woman: “I’m not going anywhere. I need a nap.”

Me: “Ma’am, if you refuse to leave, I will have to call the police.”

Woman: “You go ahead and call the police.”

She poured herself a drink of straight vodka and shot it back.

I went back to the office and called the police.

Me: “Officer, we have a woman that refuses to leave a room she is not booked into. She isn’t staying here tonight, but she won’t leave.”

Officer: “Is she naked?”

Me: “Ummm… yes. How did you know that?”

Officer: “Oh, she’s a regular. We’ll come get her.”

And that was that. They came and took her away, but the belongings were never retrieved by anyone.

I have a rather large friend group from college that started as a weekly board game group with eight members and grew over time to a group with (currently) eighteen members. Over the last several years, however, many of our friends have graduated and moved out across the US. These close friends have since been missing out on getting to hang out, and a lot of the original group members have never met some of the newest members.

As a result of missing our friends, we start planning a get-together for early next year. As my husband and I were the first in the group to get married, we are the sort of de facto “parents” of the group, so we get put in charge of planning and setting up the hangout.

I start looking on a popular app for rentals for a weekend get-together that will fit with our lowest-budget members. I find a couple I like and send everyone some options.

We pick a place and a date, and I reach out to the host to explain what we’re doing and make sure they’re on board with our plans. Everything is a go, and all my friends, being decent people, send me their share of the cost of the rental.

I go to my computer and set up the rental with the right number of guests (seventeen), the dates (two months away), and the location (five minutes from where I live and the college we all attended). I put in my payment information and hit submit.

The rental returns an error message, informing me that my reservation has been flagged as a “party risk”, so I can’t book this stay. For context, [Rental App] doesn’t allow parties to be hosted at any of their locations due to the high risk of damage to the host’s homes.

Okay, no problem. I reach out to the host again, tell her that the site wouldn’t let me book, and ask her for a pre-approved booking invitation to allow me to book. The host agrees and sends me the invite.

I follow the link, set it up again, and hit “reserve”. The same error message pops up; I’m not allowed to reserve the stay.

Okay, fine, the system’s a little buggy. No big deal. I reach out to the support team and tell them what’s going on. The host knows about the friend reunion and knows we accept responsibility for any damages that occur during our stay, etc.

I get connected to a support member via live chat.

Support Member: “The error you’re seeing is an automatic flag because you hit certain conditions for ‘possible party’. Namely, you’re booking a short stay in a large house for a lot of guests, you are under twenty-five, and you live locally.”

Me: “Okay, I understand. The host is on board, though, and is willing to let us stay. We just want to come to play board games and eat junk food with our long-distance friends for a weekend.”

Support Member: “This flag is not reversible. There is no possible way for you to book this stay. Neither the [Rental] host nor I can override this restriction.”

Me: “I want you to know that I don’t blame you for this, but this is really stupid.”

I ended up having to reach out to one of my friends, who is twenty-four and lives in a different state, to book the stay with her account instead. She booked exactly the same location for exactly the same dates and price with the exact same people attending. But she lives in a different state, so it’s fine. Dumbest system I’ve ever heard of.