No Meat In Their Brain, Part 2

| San Diego, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

(I work in a hotel lounge where only exclusive hotel members have access. In the evening we serve appetizers. A man who is a vegetarian is staying and asks for vegetarian food everyday. The day I did have it, he didn’t take any so I saved him a bit for the next night.)

Guest: “Do you have any vegetarian food tonight?”

Me: “No, but I saved some pasta from last night for you.”

Guest: “Beef?”

Me: “No, no beef. It’s the one I told you about last night.”

Guest: “The one with beef?”

Me: “It doesn’t have beef. It’s the vegetarian pasta from last night.”

Guest: “Oh yeah! From last night! It has… a little… little bit of beef?”

Me: “No beef. It’s vegetarian.”

Guest: “Not vegetarian?”

Me: “It IS vegetarian.”

Guest: “So, no meat?”

Me: “…no meat, sir.”

Someone Got The Crazy Card

| USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging, Money

Customer: “Check-in, please.”

Me: “Okay. ID and credit card…”

(The customer takes both out and starts to hand them over, but then hesitates.)

Customer: “Okay…”

(She hands them over and I swipe her card and check her ID, then hand them back.)

Customer: “What did you do just then?!”

Me: “I… uh… swiped your card.”

Customer: “Your computer just read my information!”

Me: “Yep.”

Customer: *panicking* “That means that now my credit card number is on your computer! How do I KNOW that you won’t take it and go off on a shopping spree?!”

Me: “We don’t do that, ma’am.”

Customer: “How do I KNOW you all won’t?! I don’t know you! I don’t know any of you all!”

Me: “Because if we did, we’d get fired…”

Customer: “…”

Me: “And none of us want to lose our jobs over that…”

Customer: *looks unconvinced*

Me: “Plus, identity theft is a crime so we’d go to jail?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “So, none of us want to go to jail. Because… it’s full of… crazy people.”

Customer: “…Fine. I guess I trust you!”

Silver Linen To Every Cloud

| USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

(We have multiple very large groups staying with us, so all the extra bed sheets are taken up.)

Guest: “My child threw up on the bed! I need new linens!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we have no more.”

Guest: “Nonsense! You are supposed to help! It’s your job! Now fetch my linens and don’t be lazy about it!”

Me: “Sir, I’m not kidding. We don’t have any more. How am I supposed to get you some more linens when I don’t have what you need?”

(The guest yells angrily, so I bring the manager out.)

Manager: “What’s the problem?”

Guest: “I’ll tell you what’s the problem! This hotel has no more linens! What kind of hotel has no more linens to give!”

(My manager takes the angry guest out and walks with him someplace. When she returns, she is alone.)

Me: “What happened?”

Manager: “I showed him the lobby, which was full of people. I showed him the pool, which was full of people. Then I showed him the hallways, which were also full of people, and told him that every one of them has asked for linens and we ran out. He got real quiet, grunted, and then ran off to his room!”