Turning Water Into Wine And Back Again

| Germany | Right | January 8, 2016

(At check-in we offer our guests a free welcome drink. Normally this is prosecco (Italian sparkling wine) but we also have sparkling water if the guest does not drink alcohol.)

Me: “Welcome to the hotel! Can we offer you a prosecco on the house?” *seeing difficult look* “Or would you like sparkling water?”

Guest: “Yes.”

Me: “The prosecco or the water?”

Guest: “Yes.”

Me: “It is your choice, madam, would you like the sparkling wine or the water?”

Guest: *agitated* “Yehesss….”

(My coworker just starts pouring a prosecco without further comment. The husband of the guest enters the hotel.)

Guest: *to husband* “Those two here really wanted to confuse me just now!”

The Boss Doesn’t Give You Enough Credit

| China | Working | January 8, 2016

(I have just started my professional career a few months ago and end up taking my first international work trip with my boss. He has been somewhat harsh with me about dotting all my i’s and crossing all my t’s leading up to this trip, but I have performed well throughout our work on this trip, and just the night before, over dinner, he said he was impressed with my performance. Over the course of the trip, I have been using my company card to pay for meals, transportation expenses, and other necessary things. The next morning we go to check out of our hotel.)

Clerk: “I’m sorry, ma’am, your card was declined.”

Me: “Can you please try it again?”

Clerk: “Of course… I’m sorry, it’s still coming back as declined.”

(I go grab my boss who is sitting in the lobby waiting for me to finish checking out.)

Me: “[Boss], my company card is coming up declined. I followed your instructions to make sure that my credit line was sufficient to pay for everything I needed on this trip. What should I do?”

Boss: “Well, why didn’t you have the finance department make sure your credit line was sufficient to cover this trip?”

Me: “I did do that. I emailed them exactly what you told me to with the details and cost of our trip, and called them to confirm that they received that and had extended my credit line properly. My card is still coming up declined. How do I handle this?”

Boss: “Well, just put it on a personal credit card and request reimbursement. They usually send checks for things you’ve paid for personally within 30 days, so you won’t have to pay any interest.”

Me: “I’m… I’m… sorry, sir, but we’ve been staying in this expensive hotel for 15 nights, and I simply don’t have that kind of credit available to me, even if I maxed out every one of my personal cards. I know that it’s the middle of the night in the U.S., but is there some emergency number I can call to get my company card fixed to work?”

Boss: “What do you mean you don’t have ‘that kind of credit’ available to you? It should only be around $6000. What, were you hitting the minibar too hard? Just put it on a personal card!”

Me: “Please don’t yell at me. I’m young and pretty much so broke, so I only have about $4000 total credit available on all of my personal cards. However, all of those charge international exchange fees, so it’s more like $3800-3900 before the cards will be declined. I’m sorry. I did what I was supposed to, but there is simply no way I can cover this without using my company card. Maybe we could try your company card?”

Boss: “Ugh, fine, I will pay your hotel bill, but don’t think this doesn’t reflect on your professionalism. What kind of professional doesn’t have personal cards that can cover a simple $6000 bill?”

(When we got back, it turned out our finance person *had* sent in the paperwork to increase my company card’s credit line, but instead of increasing my credit line by $4000, she increased it by $400. She was not penalized, and my boss held that over MY head for several years to come.)

Not Exactly Cooking Up A Compliment

| ON, Canada | Right | December 31, 2015

(I’m a late 20s male working at a downtown hotel. This exchange happens between me and a somewhat regular guest:)

Guest: “Are you married?”

Me: *hesitantly* “No… I’m not.”

Guest: “Oh, so you have to cook for yourself, then?”

Me: *relieved* “Oh, yes. Yes, I do.”

Guest: “Oh, well from the looks of it, you’re a good cook!”

Me: *speechless*

The Only Thing You Can Rely On Is Their Attitude

| NB, Canada | Working | December 30, 2015

(I am the front desk manager at a hotel and I’m interviewing potential employees for a full-time front desk position. After a number of unimpressive interviews I meet one young man who seems perfect for the job. He comes across as a little intimidating and just a bit self important but I need someone and he is qualified, so I make the offer.)

Me: “Okay, so I’ve decided that I would like to offer you the position.”

Applicant: “That’s just great!”

Me: “Yes, I think you will fit in wonderfully with our team. I just need you to meet with the general manager so that she can give her approval. Once she OKs me to hire you we’ll get started on your training.”

Applicant: “All right! I can’t wait.”

Me: “So, can you come in Friday morning at nine am to meet with her? Her name is [General Manager].”

Applicant: “Definitely, I’ll be there. Thanks a lot.”

Me: “Absolutely, and thank you for coming in.”

(We shake hands and part ways. Friday morning comes and goes; the guy never shows up. I figure if he can’t be bothered to show up for his secondary interview then he probably won’t be very reliable as an employee so I go back to interviewing potential applicants. The following Wednesday I find someone who is perfect for the job. The GM is there and meets with him and we get started on his training the following day. The next Monday, I get a call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. This is [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Applicant: “Yeah, I’m wondering when my first shift is. You never got back to me on that. Not very professional over there, are ya?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Applicant: “I said, I want to know when my first day is.”

Me: “I’m sorry, first day of what?”

Applicant: “Work! Obviously. When do I start? You were supposed to tell me but you never called back.”

Me: “…Wait, is this [Applicant]?”

Applicant: “Yes, it is.”

Me: “Okay, well, you were a no show for your interview with [General Manager] last Friday…”

Applicant: “Yeah, well, I figured I would meet her when I came to start my job and I was crazy busy that morning anyway. Sorry about that.”

Me: “Well, in any event, since you were a no show for your secondary interview we no longer considered you for the position and it has since been filled. Good luck with your job search.”

Applicant: “Wait, what do you mean the position has been filled? And secondary interview? What the f*** is that all about?! You gave me the job!”

Me: “No… I said that I wanted to offer you the position but that I needed you to meet with [General Manager] for her approval. I said we would discuss your training after that. You never bothered to show up for that interview so we took you out of the running. We need someone reliable and who can follow directions…”

Applicant: “This is bulls**t! I already quit my other job! I didn’t even give notice so they won’t take me back even if I ask! How could you do this to me?!”

Me: “Sir, you were a NO SHOW for your interview with the BIG BOSS. The one who decides if we hire you or not. I told you that you had to meet with her before we could proceed and you chose not to come and not to call me to say that you weren’t coming. I’m sorry but we are no longer interested in hiring you.”

Applicant: “I can’t f***ing believe this! You guys are a**-holes. I’m out of a fucking job now, I’ve already told everyone I know that I got the job… My parents threw me a party, for Christ’s sake. Can’t we work something out? I don’t f***ing believe this.”

Me: “I’m sorry but I can’t hire someone who can’t even be bothered to show up for their interview. How can I rely on you to show up for your shifts? And with this language and attitude you’re showing me I feel very confident that I made the right choice. Good luck in your job search, [Applicant].”

(I hung up before he could protest. He called back a few times and later that evening my employee called me at home to say that he was there in the lobby demanding to speak to me and telling the customers not to stay here because we’re all a bunch of heartless liars. We ended up having to call to police to have him escorted off the property because he refused to stop making a scene. All I can say is, thank God I dodged a bullet on that one.)

Not Speaking Full English

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Right | December 28, 2015

Guest: *on the phone* “Do you serve hot breakfast?”

Me: “Yes, we serve a full Scottish breakfast.”

Guest: “So you don’t have any hot food? Like a full English?”

Me: “A full Scottish breakfast is basically the same as a full English, but you get haggis as well. And it’s a buffet so you can choose not to have that if you don’t want it.”

Guest: “So I can’t get eggs or sausages? You know, like in a full English.”

Me: “I assure you, our buffet has hot food. It is a full English, plus haggis.”

Guest: “But I can’t get eggs, ’cause it’s Scottish?”

Me: “…”

Guest: “It’s just continental, with muffins and stuff.”

Me: “The buffet has any number of breakfast items, but if you want something not available, you can ask the chef, and it won’t be a problem. Though I assure you, the buffet has hot, full English breakfast items. Such as eggs.”

Guest: “Okay, I’ll just ask the chef to make me a full English, then. Thank you.”

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