Bohemian Neighborly

| PA, USA | Friendly | June 30, 2015

(I’m in a hotel room when I randomly start singing loudly and to myself.)

Me: “I’m just a poor boy. Nobody loves me!”

Guy In Next Room: “He’s just a poor boy, from a poor family!”

Both Of Us: “Spare him his life from this monstrosity!”

(The entire rest of the weekend one of us would randomly start singing classic rock songs and the other would finish it through the wall. Best vacation ever.)

Not All Love Is Cheesy

| NH, USA | Romantic | June 26, 2015

(While on vacation, we spend the whole day outside.)

Boyfriend: “Hmm, I know it’s been a long day, but your feet are a little smelly.”

Me: “…”

(Five minutes later:)

Boyfriend: “If your feet were a food, they would be a very expensive cheese.”

Counting Dragons To Fall Asleep

| Cairns, QLD, Australia | Romantic | June 24, 2015

(My husband and I are on our honeymoon. Having had a full day of touring and shopping, we collapse into bed when we get back to the hotel, getting an early night before the next day of activities. Before the honeymoon, I played a lot of Skyrim. My husband wakes up during the night to me mumbling in my sleep.)

Me: *suddenly raises arm up into the air and points to the ceiling, then shouting* “THIEVES! FROM RIFTEN!”

On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 10

| Denver, CO, USA | Right | June 17, 2015

(We have an elderly guest who stays at the hotel for years and treats it like her own personal nursing home despite the fact that we do not have the manpower or facilities to take care of her. One night I answer the phone to this, I am the only one on staff.)

Me: “Front Desk. This is [My Name].”

Guest: “[My Name]! Come up here and help me.”

Me: *internal sigh* “What can I do for you?”

Guest: “Help me put on my panty hose!”

Me: *knowing what this means, as she’s done similar things before* “I’m sorry, I can’t leave the desk for that.”


Me: “No, [Guest], that’s just not something we can do for you.”

(I hang up and she calls back repeatedly, flooding the phones so I can’t answer any other phone calls or check anyone in. I finally just decide to go up.)

Guest: “FINALLY.”

(She answered the door – naked from the waist down. She handed me a pair of panty hose, which I then dutifully helped her into. This is not the first or last time this has happened.)

On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 9
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 8
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 7

Lost The Discount

| Denver, CO, USA | Right | June 17, 2015

(This is a phone conversation:)

Me: “Hello, this is [Hotel Name and Location]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’ve been driving around for twenty minutes looking for you. I think you should give me a discount.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

(I give directions to the hotel from where she is. She’s basically around the corner.)

Customer: *obviously not listening* “Yeah, but I want a discount.”

Me: “I’m sorry, that’s not something I can discount for. You are always free to call if you need help, though.”

Customer: “But I want a discount.”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t.”

Customer: “…An upgrade then.”

Me: “Sorry, no.”

Customer: “…Okay.”

(She arrives at the front desk and I start checking her in. I’ve acknowledged the fact that I spoke to her on the phone before.)

Customer: “I got lost. Give me a discount.”

Me: “…No.”

Customer: “Upgrade?”

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