A Bird-Brained Request

, , , , , | Right | November 24, 2017

(A gentleman storms in angrily through the door.)

Guest: “I am furious! I parked my car under the tree and birds s*** all over it!”

(I almost start laughing but I realize he is serious.)

Me: “I am so sorry, sir.”

Him: “You need to put signs on the trees warning about the birds pooping on cars.”

Me: “Sir, you want us to put signs on every tree warning not to park there because there are pooping birds in the trees?”

The Customer Menace

, , , , , , | Right | November 21, 2017

(It is Star Wars day this week, so the hotel where I work has decided to do a themed dinner. There are a lot of kids who are coming, so as a special treat the owner decides to show Episode One. My friends and I are big nerds and have our own costumes for conventions. When we hear about the dinner, we offer our costumes so the kids can get their pictures taken for free with Darth Vader, a stormtrooper, and Princess Leia. We also offer a Q&A session. The kids are having a great time. An older, visibly annoyed customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Me: “Yes, sir? How can I help?”

Customer: “Would it be possible to change the film to a good one?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I’m afraid I can’t. Can I ask the reason why you would like it changed? Perhaps there might be something I can do?”

Customer: “First of all, the kids aren’t even paying attention.” *points to two kids playing with lightsabers on the other side of the room* “Besides, this new generation needs to be educated on the classics.”

Me: “Sir, most of the kids are paying attention to the film. In fact, it’s only those two who are playing who aren’t paying attention. We chose this film especially because of the large number of kids that have come.”

Customer: “The originals are far better than this s***!”

Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to watch your language.”

Customer: “F*** you. I’m not done yet.”

Me: “Sir! There are young children around! Please stop swearing!”

(The customer stand up, grabs my shirt, and pulls me close to his face. I can smell a large amount of alcohol on his breath, and I’m starting to get a little bit scared.)

Customer: “You listen to me. I will say what I want, where I want.” *lets me go* “Now, go and get the manager so I can talk to someone who’s intelligent.”

(I get the manager. He is dressed up as a stormtrooper.)

Customer: “Finally, someone who’s a true fan. I’m sure you can understand wanting to change the film. That costume is fantastic. Where did you get it?”

Manager: “Sir, we will not change the film because you have been so rude. We would have been happy to change it to what you wanted once it was finished, but we’re not going to do that now. Besides, you have attacked a member of my staff. Now, please calm down and watch the film or you will be ejected from the premises.”

(The customer is still angry, but sits down.)

Customer: “You still never answered about the costume.”

Manager: “Actually, this costume belongs to the waiter you were so rude to.”

(The customer’s jaw drops by about an inch and he stares at me. In my best Darth Sidious voice, I say:)

Me: “Good. Let the hate flow through you.”

This Customer Isn’t Even Remotely Right

, , , , , | Right | November 17, 2017

(I’m checking a couple into their room when the woman informs me they’re here on a trip with their church and are “top people” in their church. She comes down from her room 30 minutes later.)

Me: “How may I help you, ma’am?”

Guest:Remote! This isn’t working.”

Me: “Okay, let me get you fresh batteries.”

(I get her the batteries, but she comes back down ten minutes later. By now, it’s 5:00 pm and I have three guests in line I’m checking in.)

Me: “Okay, sir, you’re in room—”

Guest: *storms up to the desk, cutting in front of the line* “THIS REMOTE IS STILL NOT WORKING!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. If you can wait until I check this man in, I’ll get you a new remote. Or I can bring it to your room when I’m finished here.”

Guest: *doesn’t move from the desk, and is pacing back and forth and almost breathing down my neck* “This is ridiculous! I can’t believe the idiots they hire; I should be helped immediately!”

(She begins muttering profanities under her breath.)

Guest: “WHY CAN’T YOU HELP ME NOW?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m the only staff member on site for this shift, and we are at full capacity. I promise I’ll help you as soon as I can.”

Guest: “FINE. I GUESS I’LL JUST STARE AT THE CEILING!”

(She then throws her remote control at me as hard as possible. It hits my shoulder.)

Me: “I suggest you apologize, pack your things, and leave, or I’ll call the cops. You just assaulted me. I’m allowed to refuse you service now, and I think that’d be the best decision.”

(The guest laughed and walked up to her room. She was escorted out by police an hour later. Moral of the story: your employer may use the “customer is always right” motto, but if a customer insults, harasses, or attacks you, you DO have the right to refuse service. It is illegal to be forced to serve someone berating you. If employees around the world allow customers to verbally or physically attack them, then customers will always think it’s okay to do so.)

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You’ve Been Selected For A Random Credit Check

, , , , , , | Working | November 16, 2017

(During my week of exploring professional opportunities in the Boston metro area, I sign up to attend an evening networking event at a hotel. For what it’s worth, I am an Indian-American, with no accent, and this hotel is in an affluent, predominantly Caucasian suburb just west of Boston. I arrive at the hotel several hours early and plan to work on my other job search activities while having a late lunch. The waitress immediately seats me and gives me a menu. I order my sandwich.)

Waitress: “Okay, so, that is [sandwich] and just water. Great! I will immediately place your order. Now, I just need to keep your credit card on file.”

Me: “Um, why would you need to keep my credit card with you?”

Waitress: “Well, that is our policy for our hotel guests.”

Me: “I’m not a guest here; I’m a little early for an evening networking event on your patio.” *points to the outdoor space just past the patio doors* “Also, I have never experienced or heard of this type of hotel restaurant policy. Don’t you keep hotel tabs?”

Waitress: “Oh.” *pause* “Well, I still need to hold onto your credit card. It is our policy.”

Me: “Well, I will just pay for my meal with cash instead.”

Waitress: “You can pay with cash… and I still need to hold onto the card.”

(At that point, I am very upset with this terrible treatment and decide to leave.)

Me: “This is absolutely horrible service! You clearly do not want to serve me. I am going complain to your management!”

(Still fuming, I ask the front desk person if this hotel has a policy on keeping guests’ credit cards “on file” while they are dining in the restaurant.)

Front Desk Staff: *with a completely bewildered expression* “Um, no, ma’am. I have never heard of that policy, and I am certain it is not our hotel’s policy. I am very sorry you experienced that from our restaurant staff.”

(In the end, another coffee shop gave me two free desserts after hearing this story. I also returned to the hotel for the networking program, walked straight through that same restaurant with no problems, and enjoyed that event.)

Getting Your Johnson In A Twist

, , , | Right | November 14, 2017

(I work at the front desk in a hotel.)

Me: “Hello, checking in?”

Guest: “Johnson.” *or something equally as common*

Me: “First name?”

Guest: “Just Johnson.”

Me: “There are multiple Johnsons here, sir; I need to know—”

Guest: “My name is Johnson! Just Johnson! Just look for it. How hard is that?!”

Me: “You know what? Just give me your ID; I need to see it, anyway.”

(From then on, I just ask for ID first.)

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