Meet My Alter-Ego: Sober

, , , | Right | September 11, 2020

I work in a hotel. It’s a slow Sunday around 2:00 pm. A guest I recognise from his check-in yesterday comes to the front desk from the outside. 

Guest: “Hi! My name is drunk. Can you give me my key card, please?”

Me: “Yes, sure.”

I hand him his key. He drops his key twice, and he falls twice trying to get onto the elevator.

Guest: “Can you please tell me my room number?”

Me: “It’s 234.”

Guest: “Thank you so much!”

He finally gets onto the elevator. My coworker is dumbfounded.

Coworker: “Did that guy just say, ‘Hi! My name is drunk.’?”

Me: *Laughing* “Yup!”

A few hours later, the guest comes back from his room.

Guest: “Hi! Uh… sorry to bother you, but… when did I come back here?”

Me: “Around 2:00 pm.”

Guest: “Gosh… I left at 11:00 am. I don’t remember anything, nor how I ended up in my room.”

Me: “Well, you weren’t at your best.”

Guest: “How bad?”

Me: “I’d say really tired!”

Guest: “Please be honest.”

Me: “You came in and said, ‘Hi! My name is drunk.’ And you fell twice in front of the elevator.”

Guest: “Oh, my… F***, I’m so, soo sorry about that!”

Me: “Don’t worry, it’s calm today; you made my afternoon!”

Every time I saw this guest for the rest of his stay, he kept apologizing. But it was so funny how he was too drunk to know his name but stayed polite all along!

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Unfiltered Story #207939

, | Unfiltered | September 10, 2020

(All weekend, these parents leave their 3 preteens together alone in their room, and the preteens invite 7 of their friends over. Due to the fire code, only 5 people are allowed in a room, but since no one has complained, I decide not to lecture them. It’s their parents’ fault, anyway. The preteens are running around outside, going up and down the elevator, horse playing. A police officer comes up to my desk.)

Officer: “Here, take this. Do you have this fugitive?”

(He hands me a wanted poster. I say no.)

Officer: “He murdered someone today in the store down the road. He’s armed and dangerous. Look out.” *leaves.*

(Petrified, I call my manager and ask her what I should do.)

Me: “Should I tell the guests about him and to be careful?”

Manager: “NO. Don’t tell them, or they’ll get all spooked and complain about not feeling safe in their reviews. We’re supposed to make sure they feel safe and a murderer is going to freak them out and cause a panic!”

Me: “I don’t them to freak out.”

Manager: “Exactly.”

(I keep a close eye on the running preteens, even though I’m not supposed to be babysitting them. But I don’t want them to be hurt by some crazed murderer, even if they are brats! Luckily, no one was hurt. Parents, watch your kids! You never know who’s on the loose!)

Just Married But Still A Bridezilla

, , , , , | Right | September 8, 2020

It is a sold-out Saturday night, about 10:00 pm, when a couple comes in and says they have a reservation. They are the bride and groom of the wedding party that is taking up a lot of rooms, but the group was blocked to arrive last night. Why the bride and groom have come in a day late, I never find out.

I also never find out why the other night auditor decided to declare them a no-show when it had a group rate, the rest of the group was in the house, and their reservation stated they were the bride and groom. So, she comes in, donning her wedding gown, and mentions how she was “just married!” several times while I’m finding their information — happily at first, and then when I tell them the situation, not so happily.

During this time period, we have a lot of issues with the computer and registration cards in the bucket not matching up. So, I start on a mad dash to see if any of the rooms are possibly vacant, and if I find one that’s dirty, I’ll just clean it, because the newlywed wife is beginning to fume.

I start running — yes, running — down the hall, when a guest stops me to ask if I could ring him up at the gift shop. I answer that I can, but first I really need to handle a situation, if that’s okay. He asks about what’s going on, and I tell him, knowing it might not be the best idea but at a complete loss on what to do. He says that he is staying here with a couple of family members in two rooms, but since the rooms we gave them don’t connect, they don’t want the other anymore, and I can give it to the other guests. His family members have only been in the room briefly and then they left somewhere. I thank him repeatedly for his kindness and set the newlyweds up with that room. All seems well.

About midnight, the guests previously in that room come up to the desk and tell me their rooms keys don’t work and there’s a Do Not Disturb sign on the door. I explain to them what happened, expecting to hear an earful, but they are fine with it. They’re just concerned that the woman left her phone and purse in the room, and they would like to get them.

I grab the master key and we go down to the room.

Me: *Knock* “Front desk.”

I wait a bit.

Me: *Knock* “Front desk.”

This continues for a while.

Bride: “WHO THE F*** IS IT?!”

Me: “Um… Front Desk. The guests who gave this room to you guys left their phone and purse in there. Could you maybe hand it out?”

There is no answer, so I begin knocking again, at a loss of what to do. Eventually, I use the key to open the door just a crack.

Me: “Please, they just want their phone and purse.”

Bride: “THIS IS F****** BULLS***!”

She flings the door open, half-dressed.


She throws the purse at my head, and I duck, narrowly missing it.

Bride: “FOR F***’S SAKE, I WAS JUST F****** MARRIED!”

She slams the door. The guest who gave up the room speaks up.

Guest: “Umm… there should also be a phone—”

Other Guest: “No, no, it should be in the purse.”

It was. The other guests awkwardly thanked me while I apologized, turned around, and burst into tears.

I left a note and when the next GSR came in at 7:00 am to relieve me, I told him a sparsely-detailed, summarized account of the event.

I came into work again that night, and in the morning when he came in, he told me that he heard about the full situation from the guests. When the woman made her reservation, she had been extremely nice, and she came to the desk to apologize in the morning. The GSR had also heard from a guest about how some other guests were saying very perverted, disrespectful things to me, and that those men would not be staying here again.

He also spoke to the GM, and I now had the next day off. I not only slept a full eight hours, but I also had a meal besides delivery pizza for the first time in months. Greatest. Day. Of my life.

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Two’s Company, The Whole Family Tree’s A Crowd

, , , , , , | Romantic | September 8, 2020

Shortly after finishing college, a boy I am dating invites me to spend a week in New York City with his family. It falls over our three-year anniversary, so he promises to take me out for a fancy dinner.

I am so excited! I pack a suitcase and drive to his house, expecting to see their minivan packed with bags and everyone getting ready to go. What I see, instead, is a bunch of vehicles parked in the yard and a bunch of people going back and forth between the house and the largest vehicles — mostly two fifteen-passenger vans.

My boyfriend comes out to greet me. 

Boyfriend: *Sheepishly* “Hey. Uh, so, you can say you don’t want to go if you don’t. I totally get it.”

Me: “What is… I thought this was a family thing?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, but then [One Of His Brothers] found out you were going, so he wanted to take his girlfriend. And [Aunt] and [Uncle] wanted to come, but they have to bring their kids. It kind of… blew up?”

I nod, slowly taking it all in.

Me: “Uh-huh. So, how does this change things up there? Our reservations are for your immediate family and me.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, well, we’ll have our own room, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

It is, but I don’t want to say so because it seems shallow to not want to share a hotel room when I’m invited on a trip.

Me: “Okay, well, I already took off work, so I might as well go, right?”

The trip was an absolute disaster. We did not get our own room — even though we paid for it by ourselves — because the hotel was completely booked and the added family members didn’t want to stay elsewhere; we ended up sharing our room with his aunt and uncle and their three children. I’m pretty sure it was against policy to have seven people in a room that sleeps four but they never got caught and never offered to split the cost of the room, either.

We also never got our anniversary dinner date because his brother and girlfriend wanted to do a double date and wouldn’t take no for an answer; it later came out that they wanted to get away from their annoying, clingy family members. The irony escaped them.

My boyfriend was truly sorry and did his best to make it up to me when we got back. We dated for a while after that, but when the next family trip came around, I made my own bookings in my own name and put my foot down on sharing.

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NASCAR, Pranks, And Nuggets, Oh, My!

, , , , | Right | September 8, 2020

I usually work the night audit shift and sometimes the third shift at a chain hotel.

On this particular day, or two days, I clock in early at 9:00 pm because a coworker left early, stay until 7:00 am, and come back at noon so my coworkers could go to a work meeting.

At about 3:00 pm, after a good twenty hours without sleep, I receive a call. A lot of people are trying to check in, and this person wants to make a reservation. We can transfer calls to a reservation hotline, but I sometimes forget.

Caller: “I’d like to make a reservation for [weekend of a Nascar race].”

Me: “Okay, we have a few rooms left for that weekend going at a rate of $299.99.”

Caller: “Okay, well, that’s a little out of my budget.”

Me: “Well, we have discounts. Do you have AAA or anything like that?”

Caller: “No, but I actually want two rooms. And my budget is $60.”

Me: “Per room?”

Caller: “No, both rooms. I’d like both rooms for $60.”

Me: “I am afraid I cannot give you two rooms for $60 or even one room for $60. I apologize.”

Caller: *In the background* “No, no, I can’t do it! It’s too mean!”

Me: *Realizing this is a prank* “Sir? Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Caller: “Uh, well, I just really need those two rooms for $60.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I cannot do that. Have a great day.”

When my coworkers came back at 7:00 pm, two hours after when they said they’d return, my manager told me next time a guest calls to make a reservation, just transfer them. They laughed, and seeing how I did NOT find it funny, they offered me chicken nuggets to “make it up to me.”

We’ve worked together for months, and at some point, I’ve mentioned to all of them that I’m vegetarian.

On the drive home, I contemplated killing them all.

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