Puns Will Never Die

, , , , | | Related | May 22, 2019

(It’s night four of a six-day, 300-mile bike trip. I’m staying at a hotel I’ve never been to before. Turns out, the building used to be a morgue, which they play up in the decor — skeletons, coffins, the equipment you always see in the medical examiner’s office on crime shows, etc. My room even contains the boarded-up elevator used to transport bodies throughout the building! No, I didn’t see anything about this online when I booked the room. As soon as I’ve checked in, I immediately text all of the above to my family, knowing they’ll find it as interesting as I do. My mom, sister-in-law, and one of my sisters gush over how cool it is with me. Dad, per his defining character trait, makes the obligatory puns:)

Dad: “Wow, it must be nice; people died to get in there!”

Dad: “They must be glad to see you; before you came, business was dead!”

Dad: “Actually, I wonder why they don’t use one of those as a slogan…”

Unfiltered Story #151079

, , | | Unfiltered | May 19, 2019

So in this story I’m the receptionist at a chain motel in a very popular beach city in British Columbia.

Around 5am a guest calls down.

Me: Front Desk
Guest: Hi front desk.
Me: What can I do for you?
Guest: What time is it?
Me: *checks clock* 5:05am.
Guest: 5 oh 5 am.
Me: Mhmm.
Guest: BC time?
Me: …
Me: Yup, BC time.

Does our hotel have a magically different time zone that I wasn’t aware of? I know towards the Alberta border it goes ahead an hour but we’re smack dab in the middle of the PST zone …

Unfiltered Story #151013

, | Unfiltered | May 17, 2019

(it’s midnight.)

Customer: *on phone* “Hello, there’s a family next door making lots of noise.”

Me: “Ok, sorry about that, we’ll check on it.”

(I go to the noisy room and knock, but no one answers. There’s a lot of hushing in the room and silence but no one answers. The next day, same time, there’s another complaint of loudness from the same room.)

Me: *calls up noisy room* “This is the front desk, we’ve gotten multiple complaints about your room being loud. Could you please keep it quiet, people are trying to sleep.”

Noisy Room: “Ok, no problem!”

(I make a note to my manager about the issue. Usually, we give a room two warnings, and then we call the police. Since the noisy room is going to be here one more night, I’m worried that they’ll make noise again. Two men for the noisy room come down and they smirk and laugh at me, but say nothing. The next day, I guess the manager spoke with them because they were quiet for once!  Still, I was happy when they left.)

Unfiltered Story #149701

, , | | Unfiltered | May 11, 2019

(I work at an economy priced chain of hotels. With Expedia/Hotels.com/Hotwire bookings, the website immediately charges the guest and we (the hotel) charge the website upon the guest’s arrival. So in order to cancel a reservation or get a refund, guests have to contact the website they ‘purchased’ the room from.)

Around 2:45am, just before night audit, a guest comes down and asks in broken english, if we have any more rooms.

Me: Oh do you have family or friends coming in that need a room?
Guest: No? no, we have a room.
Me: Okay, so who would this room be for?
Guest: Me.
Me: Don’t you have a room already?
Guest: Yes. We need a room.
Me: Oh, so you’re not a guest? (I worked the night shift so I don’t recognize most guests by face)
Guest: Yes we are guests. But we need room.
Guest’s Daughter: The people in our room are loud.
Guest: We need another room.
Me: *lightbulb* Oh! Okay. Well I’m about to do night audit and I have 2 no-shows so once I do that, I can rent you one of the rooms but for full price since it’s still early.
Guest: But when I call, I book 3 rooms with Expedia and then I call for kitchen room. They are booked for *guest’s last name*.
Me: Okay? So you booked 3 rooms with Expedia and a 4th on the phone? *a little confused* Just gimme a second to run night audit and then I can rent you one of the no-show rooms.
Guest: *Keeps talking about needing a room and their family member’s snoring as I run night audit*

Just as I’m finishing night audit, she tells me she cancelled 2 of her rooms when she checked in. That the receptionist cancelled them. That’s an instant “aw crap” and “uh oh”. We can’t cancel Expedia bookings, Guest have to. We always explain to guests in great detail why we can’t cancel their reservation for them and that they have to do it.

I go into our cancellations to look for her cancelled rooms, I don’t see anything for that last name she gave me. She shows me her reservation on her phone and NONE of the rooms have the same last name.

One of the 2 no-shows I had just charged before night audit, was her ‘cancelled’ reservation.

After running night audit, you cannot put a reservation back in. It’s finished, done, and over. Nothing I can do. I had already charged Expedia for the room.

I try to explain to her that she didn’t cancel her 3rd room she booked with Expedia and that I had just charged it as a no-show. She doesn’t seem to understand and asks if she is still charged. I explain that she pays expedia immediately after booking the rooms and that we charge Expedia when the guest checks in (or fails to).

After a long and complicated process, I get $100 incidentals on pre-auth from her, give the guest her room keys and leave a long-ass note for the morning guy/manager about what happened. Instead of making a new reservation and the computers telling us we’re short, I just tacked it onto the no-show one and marked the room dirty.

I’m still bracing myself to get yelled at though.

Unfiltered Story #149671

, , , | | Unfiltered | May 10, 2019

Currently I’m a Retired Hotel Manager..
Back in the 1990s, while managing a Hotel in Waikiki, I was paged to meet a guest at the front desk regarding a complaint regarding our F&B Director. As I had greeted the guest at the front desk, and escorted her to talk in private at my office she shared her complaint stating: ” I don’t know how to tell you this, but your F&B Director has an very foul breath odor which reflects badly on your hotel and you need to tell him to do something about his foul breath.”  I had apologized to the guest, thanked her for her concerns regarding our F&B Director and offered her a complimentary dinner at one of our restaurants. I did have a meeting with our F&B Director regarding correcting his personal hygiene. Our F&B Director is always the well best dresser in nice looking suit & tie, but without good personal hygiene, it is a big embarrassment to our hotel brand.
Arsenio

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