The Policy On Nudity Is Laid Bare

, , , | Right | February 27, 2018

(In Finland, it’s normal to go to the sauna naked, and even swim naked after the sauna. But at public saunas with separate facilities for men and women, you’re expected to put on a bathing suit before swimming. It’s midsummer and we’re staying at an upscale hotel. We’ve just come from the sauna and pool, where a rather drunk couple are swimming naked.)

Me: “A man and a woman are swimming naked in the pool.”

Desk Clerk #1: “Again?!”

Desk Clerk #2: “You’re going this time.”

The Demon Owls Of South Carolina

, , , , | Related | February 26, 2018

(My grandmother and I are sitting in a hotel room when all of a sudden she grabs the Bible out of the drawer and chucks it at the window.)

Grandmother: “The power of Jesus compels you to leave!” *looks perplexed* “Oh, false alarm.”

Me: *startled* “What the heck did you do that for?”

Grandmother: “I thought I saw a demon looking in the window from the tree, but then it flew away and I realized it was just an owl.”

(She then went back to silently reading a travel brochure. I have the weirdest grandma ever, and I’m proud of that.)

Unfiltered Story #105981

, , | Unfiltered | February 24, 2018

(We are hosting a bris (a Jewish ceremony when baby boys are circumcised on their eighth day). Our newest coworker is (thoroughly unbeknownst) standing directly in front of the ‘soon-to-be-snipped’ for a moment during the reception. Our rabbi walks into the courtyard and exclaims:)

Rabbi: “Where’s this baby?! Oh, I see him right here.” *points at my coworker*

Coworker: “What was that?! Shouldn’t he be with the baby?”

Me: “He’s just joking that you’re the youngest of all of us.”

Coworker: “Maybe he WAS actually talking about the baby. It was right behind me…”

Me: “Well, you are basically the baby of this particular group.”

Coworker: “Newest, but not youngest.”

Me: *shuts the h*** up and takes the unintentional complement*

Best Attempt To Be Suite-Natured

, , | Right | February 21, 2018

(We have one of those important business types get upset with us because he wants a suite when his reservation says that he reserved a regular room. He screams his lungs out at us, causing both customers and staff to flee in horror. Unfortunately, we don’t have anymore suites, and the manager calms him down enough to send him to his room. Much later, he comes back, and we all tense, expecting to be yelled at again.)

Customer: “Um, yeah. So, I spoke with my secretary, who made the reservation, and she admitted that the suites weren’t available, so she made a reservation for a regular room. So, it wasn’t your fault. This time.

(He wandered off. The only good thing about it all was that he didn’t make a peep for the rest of his stay! Take some anger management classes!)

A Unique Closet Case

, , , | Right | February 15, 2018

(There is a big wedding that takes the majority of our 56-room base facility. As check-in for wedding party is a success, I receive a phone call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]! This is [My Name].”

Guest: “Hey, this room 318. I just checked in, and your closet is way too small. What do you plan on doing about this?”

Me: “May I put you on hold for a second?”

(I put him on hold because I literally do not know what to say. I pick up the phone again.)

Me: “Well, sir, you can use one of our rollaway carts or our employee closet.”

Guest: “Well, how is that going to help me when I am up here?”

Me: “I do not know, sir. Sorry for the inconvenience.”

Guest: *hangs up*

(I tell manager about the event that just occurred.)

Manager: “Well, what did he want us to do? Build a closet real quick?”

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