I work at the reception at a beach resort.

Guest: “Why is your beach so sandy!”

I check his face for a glimpse of irony, or the hope of a bad joke. Nope. He’s serious.

Me: “It’s a sandy beach, sir.”

Guest: “Yes, but why?”

Is this a geological question?

Me: “Sir, I don’t understand the question. You’re asking why a sandy beach has sand?”

Guest: “Why is a five-star resort allowing its private beach to have so much sand! It gets everywhere! I can’t walk on the beach without it getting in my shoes!”

Me: “Well, sir, we have plenty of pools in the resort that are away from the sand that still have a view of the ocean.”

Guest: “No! I paid for a beachside resort, and I want to go to the beach!”

Me: “Then, I’m not sure I understand what you’re asking of me.”

Guest: “Get rid of all the extra sand!”

Me: “That’s not something I can do, sir.”

Guest: “It’s a private beach belonging to the resort, isn’t it? You can do whatever you want to it!”

Me: “Sir, the sand is naturally occurring, and is in fact the reason so many people stay with us. I’m sorry you find it unpleasant, but there’s nothing the resort can do about it.”

Guest: “I’m going to write in and complain about this! Just you see!”

And that’s how my manager came in one morning laughing that corporate had sent in a customer complaint that the sandy beach was too sandy.

This was a few years ago, so dialogue is approximate. Before you read on, know that everything happened with the full approval of the couple.

I was a guest on the bride’s side at this wedding. For various reasons, she only had her father, while the groom had a very big family. And they were all determined to make individual speeches. The groom had done his best to shut them down, but they were insistent.

Bride’s father stood up and gave the speech you’d expect. Then the groom’s father, with a very long speech. Then the groom’s mother, even longer. Then, having spoken quietly to the couple, the bride’s father stood up again.

Father Of The Bride: “You know, I used to be a cop, and this place was on my beat! This is going much better than the last time I was here – I had to deal with a couple getting randy in public. Here are all the details. By the way, I have lots of stories like this, and I’ll be giving you another one after every speech from the groom’s side!”

No more speeches. Everyone was relieved. And the bride’s father didn’t have to buy a single drink all night.

A lady comes up to the desk to check in, and I can already tell by her demeanor that she’s persnickety.

Me: “Alright, you’re in a king room with bunk beds—”

Customer: “Two rooms though, right? We’re in a suite.”

Me: “Actually, you booked just the one room, and our suites are sold out, I apologize.”

Customer: “No, it said suite. Nothing said they’re in the same room.”

Me: “Well, your confirmation would’ve said that, plus there’s pictures of the rooms online when you booked. Can I see the confirmation that says suite?”

They have nothing to show me.

Customer: “I didn’t see any pictures; I booked here face to face. Why wouldn’t we have two rooms?”

Me: “…by default booking an individual hotel room gets you one room.”

Customer: “I don’t know who made the mistake but that should be better communicated!”

I work in a small, affordable hotel in the middle of tourist-town Manhattan. A guest has come down in the middle of the night on a weekend to complain about the sounds of people, garbage trucks, trains, cars, basically everything outside being too noisy to let her fall asleep. As her ranting begins to slow, I show her a bucket of small plastic packages.

Guest: “What are those?!”

Me: “Earplugs, ma’am.”

Guest: *Screeching.* “You expect your guests to have to cater to the noise outside, instead of doing something about it?!”

Me: “I can’t stop the noises coming from the city, ma’am.”

Guest: *Screeching louder.* “This is unacceptable! We’re paying over a hundred dollars a night!”

Me: “Which, for a location in central Manhattan, ma’am, is a bargain. We’re walking distance to Times Square, it is Saturday night, and we state clearly on our website that we are an old building without sound insulation from the outside. Please be appreciative that we have free earplugs.”

Guest: *Screeching louder still.* “I expect you to do something about all this noise!”

Me: “I am. I am trying to send it back to its room!”

I admit, I shouldn’t have said that. It was late, I was tired, and I let the impulsive thoughts win. For a few seconds, I was convinced I was going to be handing in my staff ID to my manager the next day.

Instead, the guest just… blinked. She stopped her noise, silently took a set of earplugs, and simply went back to her room. I didn’t hear anything else from her for the rest of the weekend she was staying there.

I have never made a habit of talking back to a customer like that; it was a once-only thing. I mainly don’t want to repeat it because I don’t want to risk losing my 100% success rate!

I was working night audit at a moderately priced motel near the intersection of two major highways. The property was outdated, inexpensive, and clean, and my boss trusted me to do my job. It was very chill.

In the wee hours of one of my shifts, a thirty-ish woman who appeared to be traveling for business pulled off the interstate to grab some shut-eye. I (forty-ish woman then) worked with a night window and used my judgment on whether anyone was allowed in the lobby. A solo young woman who was doing the subtle peepee dance got the door unlocked.

Me: *After seeing her ID.* “Hey, I have everything I need, there’s the restroom if you need to freshen up while I finish your reservation.”

After she and I finished with our respective business, she signed the registration card.

Me: “Here’s your key. Your room is right in front of where you’re already parked, so you don’t have to move, and I can see your door from here in the office.”

This is back in the days when cameras were less common.

Me: “Breakfast is from 6:30 AM until 9 AM. Do you need a wakeup call?”

As I unlocked the lobby door so that the guest could exit, she said THOSE WORDS.

Customer: “I need to speak to your manager.”

Me: “I’m the manager on duty, but the owner will be in around 8 AM if you need to speak to her.”

Customer: “I’m gonna. You are way too pleasant and helpful at this hour and price. You need a raise!”

She had me going in the first half… not gonna lie.