Speedo On To The End Of The Call

| FL, USA | Right | March 18, 2016

(I work the overnight shift on the front desk. One night I get a call from an older gentleman that I, unfortunately, won’t soon forget.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I’m thinking of making a reservation at your bed and breakfast but had a few questions.”

Me: “I’ll be more than happy to answer any questions you may have, sir.”

Caller: “My wife and I travel a lot and we often stay at bed and breakfasts and I know that some have shared bathrooms. Is this the case for yours?”

Me: *thinking nothing of this as it is a fairly typical question* “I can assure you that each of our rooms has its own private bathroom.”

Caller: “I’m glad to hear this. You see, one time we were staying at a bed and breakfast that had shared bathrooms and my wife was taking a shower one morning and a gentleman entered while she was shaving her private parts. It was a bit embarrassing.

Me: *hoping this is some sort of prank call, but am unable to end it* “That can’t have been good. Well, you don’t have to worry about that happening here.”

Caller: “Well since he had already seen everything my wife just continued to finish up her shower as he went about his business. My other question is are speedos allowed to be worn on the beach?”

Me: *at this point the mental images have me wishing I could end calls, but am unable to* “As far as I am aware, you should be able to wear a speedo on the beach. I’ve heard nothing to the contrary.”

Caller: “Thank you very much for your help. I’ll talk it over with the wife and give you a call back.”

(It didn’t surprise me that they never called back.)

Hard Of Leering

| OK, USA | Romantic | March 14, 2016

Elderly Guest: “Excuse me, miss, didn’t you hear me?”

Me: *thinking I might have missed a question as I was typing at the time* “Hmm? No, I’m sorry, sir. What did you say?”

Elderly Guest: “I said ‘Most beautiful women are hard of hearing.’” *wink*

(Normally I hate being hit on at work – but that was so smooth I wasn’t even mad.)

Which Is S’more Unlikely?

| BC, Canada | Right | March 11, 2016

(I work evenings at a four star hotel with a restaurant attached. We have gas fireplaces in every room. I am the only one left on shift but luckily for me the owner is there doing her monthly audit. The phone rings and I’m busy so she pick it up.)

Owner: “Front Desk, how may I help you?”

(I pause as I see her roll her eyes.)

Owner: “Yes, this is a manager speaking.” *a small amount of time passes and she looks completely dumbfounded* “I’m sorry, sir, could you repeat that, please?” *pause* “Unfortunately, sir, there is nothing I can do for you at this time. I will have maintenance come take a look in the morning.” *pause* “Sir, not only am I unable to do that but I won’t. I will have maintenance look at it in the morning and if there is damage you will be charged a compensation fee. Have a nice night.” *she hangs up the phone*

Me: “What was that about?”

Owner: “Some jack-a** got drunk and tried to make s’mores in the fireplace. His marshmallow melted to the glass and now he wants a complimentary dinner for the trouble.”

Me: “Wow. Still not the strangest thing I’ve heard this week.”

(As if on cue the phone rings again. She picks it up.)

Owner: “Front Desk.” *pause* “Yes, this is the owner speaking.”

(She pauses again and looks at the room number on the display.)

Owner: “PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE THE REASON I DRINK!” *she slams down the phone and looks at me* “How do you deal with this?”

Me: “Apparently the same way you do.”

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Go And Deep Clean Room 203

| Stony Brook, NY, USA | Right | March 8, 2016

(My coworker and I work the front desk of a hotel.)

Coworker: *phone rings* “Hi, thank you for calling the [Hotel]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, do you guys have a lost and found?”

Coworker: “Yes, we do.”

Caller: “Okay, good, because I stayed there the other night and lost my virginity in room 203…”

Coworker: *click*

Pray There Is An App To Fix That

| Nashville, TN, USA | Friendly | March 7, 2016

(I am 15, with my 12-year-old cousin. We are playing on his iPad in one of the ballrooms that is currently unused, so a few people are hanging out in there. This kid we don’t know who looks about 10 years old comes up to us.)

Kid: “Let me play on your iPad.”

Me: “Sorry, but we don’t really know you and would prefer to play on our own.”

Kid: “Let me play or I’ll rape you.”

Me: “Yeah, there’s no chance in h*** we are letting you play now.”

(We get up and move across the ballroom, and my cousin’s mom comes up asking what that kid talked to us about. We tell her, and she goes up to the kid’s mom. My aunt tells her what happened.)

Kid’s Mom: *to Kid* “Why would you say something like that?! Apologize right now!”

Kid: *to my cousin* “Sorry you can’t take a joke.” *to me* “Sorry you have a terrible sense of humor.”

(The mom grabs the kid’s ear and leads him away, yelling at him the whole time, leaving my aunt, me, and my cousin all speechless.)

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