Go And Deep Clean Room 203

| Stony Brook, NY, USA | Right | March 8, 2016

(My coworker and I work the front desk of a hotel.)

Coworker: *phone rings* “Hi, thank you for calling the [Hotel]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, do you guys have a lost and found?”

Coworker: “Yes, we do.”

Caller: “Okay, good, because I stayed there the other night and lost my virginity in room 203…”

Coworker: *click*

Pray There Is An App To Fix That

| Nashville, TN, USA | Friendly | March 7, 2016

(I am 15, with my 12-year-old cousin. We are playing on his iPad in one of the ballrooms that is currently unused, so a few people are hanging out in there. This kid we don’t know who looks about 10 years old comes up to us.)

Kid: “Let me play on your iPad.”

Me: “Sorry, but we don’t really know you and would prefer to play on our own.”

Kid: “Let me play or I’ll rape you.”

Me: “Yeah, there’s no chance in h*** we are letting you play now.”

(We get up and move across the ballroom, and my cousin’s mom comes up asking what that kid talked to us about. We tell her, and she goes up to the kid’s mom. My aunt tells her what happened.)

Kid’s Mom: *to Kid* “Why would you say something like that?! Apologize right now!”

Kid: *to my cousin* “Sorry you can’t take a joke.” *to me* “Sorry you have a terrible sense of humor.”

(The mom grabs the kid’s ear and leads him away, yelling at him the whole time, leaving my aunt, me, and my cousin all speechless.)

A Dog Is For Life, Not Just For Valentine’s Day

| Canada | Romantic | March 7, 2016

(My boyfriend had promised to buy me a puppy and a vibrator (on separate occasions), which he voided out when we broke up. We’re back together again and this is the newest instance of a string of similar conversations.)

Boyfriend: “So, tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day.”

Me: “Yup.”

Boyfriend: “Do you want anything?”

Me: “Hmm… chocolate?”

Boyfriend: “Okay.”

Me: “And a puppy.”

Boyfriend: “Uh huh.”

Me: “And a vibrator.”

Boyfriend: “Right. Are you planning on combining those three things in some way?”

Me: *offended tone* “No, of course not.”

Boyfriend: “Good.”

Me: “If I was, I’d have asked for peanut butter, not chocolate.”

Boyfriend: “…You’re so gross.”

Suffers From Bad Timing

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Right | March 2, 2016

(I work in a hotel that offers a complimentary shuttle to the local area from 7 am to 10 pm. At 6:30 in the evening a guest comes down to inquire about our service.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Guest: “What time does the seven o’clock shuttle leave?”

(After a brief moment of silence.)

Me: “The seven o’clock shuttle normally leaves at seven o’clock.”

Guest: “Okay, so that’s seven pm right?”

Me: “Yes. The seven o’clock shuttle leaves twice a day. One at seven am and the other at seven pm.”

Guest: “I thought your shuttle runs more than that.”

Me: “It does, but it would no longer be the seven o’clock shuttle. Instead it would be the eight or nine o’clock one depending on when it was leaving.”

Guest: “Oh, I see. I didn’t realize you had more than one shuttle.”

(I remained silent as the guest walked away.)

Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 25

| OR, USA | Right | March 1, 2016

(I work front desk at a hotel.)

Me: “Front desk. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Guest: “Yes, I was just wondering if you could maybe turn down the wifi?”

Me: “I’m sorry… Could you repeat your question?”

Guest: “Yeah, could you please turn the wifi down?”

Me: “I’m sorry; you want me to turn the wifi down? Are you having trouble connecting to the Internet?”

Guest: “No, I want it off!”

Me: “Well, I can’t turn it off; otherwise the other guests won’t have any Internet either.”

Guest: “Well, could you at least turn it down a bit, then?”

Me: “If you don’t want any Internet you can simply disconnect any devices you have from the wifi, but I can’t turn it down.”

Guest: *grunts and gives a deep sigh* “Okay, obviously you have no idea what wifi is.”

(The guest hangs up and a few hours later he comes up to the front desk and wants to check out a day early.)

Me: “Was there something wrong with the room that I could help you with?”

Guest: “Yeah, I want to get out of here because your d*** wifi is so strong! Maybe you should turn it down a bit so people can get some rest!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I really don’t understand what you mean.”

Guest: “I’m leaving because I have a headache! If you had just turned down the f***ing wifi like I asked my head wouldn’t hurt so much!”

Me: “I’m… sorry?”

(The guest left in a rage and when I told my manager what had happened he laughed and agreed that he had no idea what was wrong with that guy.)


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