I used to be a hotel clerk. I had a guest raise Cain at me because his dog almost got bitten by a snake while he was walking him.

Me: “Sir, where did this happen?”

Guest: “Out on the nature trail!”

Me: “That trail isn’t affiliated with us in any way.”

Guest: “So?! You have to do something!”

Me: “I am sorry about your dog, sir, but I have no idea what you think I can do about nature.”

Our hotel has two electric car chargers on the side of the building. They’re complimentary if you’re a guest at the property. A young guy and his girlfriend arrive to check into their room.

Guest: “Umm, so, I have a Tesla, and I need a charger. Do you have any?”

Me: “Yes, we have two on the side of the building, but they’re both occupied at present.”

Guest: “Oh, so you can just unplug them?”

Me: “N…no? If someone’s using them already there’s nothing I can do.”

Guest: “Can you call someone and have them move the car?”

He wants me to touch other people’s property and possibly not leave them a full car battery so he could recharge after getting to the place at 9:30 pm. I tell him no.

Guest: “Well… Can’t you just unplug them?”

Me: “No, it’s first come first serve. I don’t know who the cars belong to. How would you feel if someone just kicked you off a charger you got to first?”

This piece of common sense completely stumped him.

When I was a breakfast waitress in a hotel, a lot of the food prep was done by waitresses.

Woman: “Can you strain my kid’s orange juice?”

I was annoyed by this added request on top of everything else I had to do, but I tried not to show it.

Me: “We have apple and grape already strained, but I don’t know if I can find a strainer, ma’am.”

Woman: “You can just use a towel if you can’t find a strainer.”

I did it, but I muttered to myself that I wouldn’t put up with a kid being so fussy.

I forgot all about it until I actually had a kid, and after many battles to get her to drink her juice, I bought a tiny strainer and she drank the pulp-free juice. I still think it’s an insane, ridiculous need, but once I was a mom, I saw why a parent would ask for such a ridiculous task from an overloaded waitress.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, we’re flying in there tomorrow and I need to know what the hum-diddly is.”

Me: “Pardon me, what was that?”

Caller: “The hum-diddly! I need to know how bad it is! I need to know what it’s gonna do to my hair!”

Me: “Do… do you mean the humidity?”

Caller: “Is that what they call it in Hawaiian?”

I greeted this same customer when she arrived the next day. She was very nice.

Eons ago, in the pre-Internet days, I worked as a hotel clerk. The power went out due to a thunderstorm. I couldn’t check anyone in or out. I had a sign, big as my behind, on the counter saying just that.

A woman, her husband, and their kid walked in.

Woman: “How long is the power going to be out?”

Me: “Ma’am, sorry, but I have no idea.”

Woman: “Are there any other hotels nearby that have power?”

Me: “Ma’am, sorry, but I have no idea.”

Woman: “How long is the storm going to last?”

Me: “Ma’am, sorry, but I have no idea.”

Woman: “How much further do we need to drive to get out of the storm?”

That did it. I went to the phone, grabbed it, and said:

Me: “Hello, God? This is [My Name], calling from the [Hotel]. I have questions about the storm!”

I got written up, and it was worth it.