Blow That Idea Right Out The Window

| Montréal, QC, Canada | Right | October 13, 2015

(I work at one of the very few hotels that still has smoking rooms and so have to ask every guest who does not mention his or her preference up-front which type of room they want.)

Me: “Would you like a smoking or non-smoking room”

Guest: *with what looks like a genuinely confused look on his face* “Well… what’s the difference?”

Me: “Uh… you are allowed to smoke in a smoking room. If you smoke in a non-smoking room, we charge you a $250.00 fine for doing so.”

Guest: *visibly hesitant* “Really… uh… hmm!… And what is the difference in rates between the smoking and non-smoking?”

Me: *still maintaining my professionally patient tone of voice* “Smoking rooms are only $5.00 more per day, sir.”

Guest: *seemingly thinking it over much longer then he should need to* “How about if I take the non-smoking room and blow the smoke out the window? You wouldn’t charge me for that would you?”

(Wanting to bang my head on the counter, I stop short of it by simply nodding my head ‘Yes’ with a most serious look on my face.)

Guest: “Oh!… I… guess I’ll take the smoking room, then.”

Me: “WISE choice, sir!”

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A Trunk-ated Version Of The Truth

, | Eilat, Israel | Working | October 12, 2015

(I work security in a fairly large hotel parking lot. For each car we are instructed to write the info of the car and driver, and also check the trunk of the car, something few security guards actually do.)

Guest: “How come you are the only one who does this?”

Me: “That’s the job; I have to check your car, sir.”

Guest: “But what could you possibly find, a bomb?” *laughs*

Me: “Amongst other things. Yesterday I found two girls shoved inside, trying to sneak in. Day before that I found a gas container for the car, and before that, two off-duty cops tried to get their M16s to the hotel through here.”

Guest: *stunned* “Well, you keep doing good work, then…”

(He drove off. I left out all the times I found young children without proper seats, or pets they tried to sneak in…)

They’ll Propose During The Next Star Trek Movie Instead

| Washington, D.C., USA | Romantic | October 9, 2015

(I am in bed with my boyfriend watching TV. We are pretty much engaged but he hasn’t officially proposed yet. After, a trailer for some romantic comedy comes on:)

Me: “Do you want to see that just to see [Popular Actress] in her underwear?”

Boyfriend: “No. I don’t like romantic comedies, and neither do you.”

(We high-five.)

Trying To Break Breakfast

| USA | Right | October 7, 2015

(I work the very early morning shift. Breakfast time is not for another three hours, so I take a bagel and stick it in the toaster for my breakfast. Then I go to the back to cook. When I return, my bagel is gone and there a young man in his 20s with crumbs all over his smiling mouth.)

Young Man: “Hello!”

Me: “Good morning.” *looking everywhere* “Where is my bagel?”

Young Man: “Oh, I ate it.”

Me: “…”

(I’m struggling to keep my temper at someone who might be staying as a guest, so I can’t talk for a few moments. Meanwhile the man keeps smiling foolishly.)

Me: “I see… Do you always eat food that isn’t yours? That was my bagel.”

Young Man: “Oh! Sorry! I didn’t know it was yours. I just thought someone had left and forgotten about it. I’m really sorry.”

Me: “Ok… I accept.”

(I continue my job.)

Young Man: “Can I have another?”

Me: “No… breakfast isn’t until three hours. You’ll have to wait.”

Young Man: “This is about me eating your bagel, right? I already said sorry. Now please, I want another! I can’t help it. I’m hungry!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I have to follow the rules. And they say no breakfast served until [time].”

(He continued to pester me, both pleading and apologizing, until he finally stormed off. Turned out, he wasn’t even staying there as a guest!)

In Receipt Of Bad Instructions

| USA | Working | October 6, 2015

(My manager is very nice, but either doesn’t know how to run a hotel or has never worked in one. He’s completely clueless. One day, he’s training me, a new hire.)

Manager: “Okay, so at 3:00 you have to print out the customers’ receipts, and then leave the desk and go up the elevator and deliver them by pushing them under each door.”

Me: “I have to deliver them? I will be working by myself, right?”

Manager: “Yes, you’ll be alone.”

Me: *fretting* “But, what if the phone rings or the customer comes down and I’m not there?”

Manager: “Don’t worry, that rarely happens. Just do what I say, ok?”

Me: “Okaaay.”

(Everything goes well for a few weeks, and then it happens: I’m away delivering the receipts, and a customer calls and calls the desk. Getting no answer, he goes to the desk, only to find no one. When I get back, he yells at me. Then he complains to the manager, who calls me over the next day.)

Manager: “You’ve gotten a complaint. This guy called and called last night, and no one answered. The phone must be answered.”

Me: “I was away delivering the receipts.”

Manager: “I know, but I HAVE to write you up. Sign this.”

Me: “WHAT?!”

Manager: “It’s ok. It rarely happens.”

(I started looking for another job the following day. Managers may need to be nice, but they need to know how to do their job, too!)

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