(I sign up for a tour group that, in this story, is in Wales to tour Llanfairpwllgwyngyll, a town famous for its long name. This tour group takes you around Europe for the summer. In order to join, you have to have something on you that says where you’re from. To do that, I carry around a backpack with an American flag on it. Most in the group are amazing and I still keep in touch with them, but there are two in the group who are downright rude to me. One is a boy who wears a British flag jacket, and the other is a girl who wears a French flag necklace. We stop at one of the restaurants to take a break from walking, and we get on the conversation about healthcare.)

Me: “Well, my country has pretty okay hospitals and all that, just a bad plan. I wish we could put more money into the budget, but most of the money has to go to the military.”

British Guy: “Wait, why? So you could take more for your empire?”

Me: “What? No, we do it to protect other countries.”

French Woman: “Yeah, sure, you guys say that, and then you always get involved in other’s affairs. Why don’t you just keep your nose out of other people’s business?”

(It’s at this point that somebody else in the group, a Jewish man wearing an Israeli flag pin on his shirt, speaks up.)

Israeli Man: “Probably because the last few times they tried to ignore Europe, two world wars happened.”

(That shut the two of them up, though of course they didn’t stay that way. But whenever they tried to insult me, the Israeli and a few others would speak up, until the two finally left me alone. Don’t worry; other than them, the people in those countries were very nice and polite. I had a blast in Europe!)

(During the Winter World Championships, I work at a hotel as a night porter. Because of the championships, quite a few guests come to the hotel drunk as they’ve been partying. It’s about 1:15 am, and two drunk guests in a company arrive. I open the door for them.)

Guest #1: “Hey, do you know where [Manager] is?”

Me: “Uh, she’s sleeping.”

Guest #1: “Where is she sleeping?”

Me: “In a bed?”

Guest #1: “No, in what room is she sleeping?”

Me: “Um, she’s not working now. I’m having the night shift right now. Do you want the key to your room?”

(They do, and I give them the key.)

Guest #1: “And can you send [Manager] up to our room?”

Me: “Why? Is there something wrong? Has something happened?”

Guest #1: “No, we just—”

Guest #2: “Hey, do you live here?”

Me: “No, I live in [Neighbouring Town].”

Guest #2: “Where in [Neighbouring Town] do you live? Do you know of any strip clubs over there or here in town?”

(I look at him for a moment, not sure if he’s joking or not.)

Me: “Uh, I don’t visit them, so I wouldn’t know.”

Guest #2: “Can you look it up for us?”

Me: “Uh—”

Guests #2: “Oh, and I’d like to buy a bag of [Cheese Snacks].”

(I ring him up, and the transaction goes smoothly.)

Guest #1: “Oh, and if you meet [Manager], can you ask her if she knows of any strip clubs around here?”

Me: “I don’t think she’ll know much more about those than I do. But I guess I can ask her…”

Guest #1: “See that you do.”

(Both guests left for their room, leaving me to debate if I should, in fact, look up any nearby strip clubs, and if that was why they wanted to speak to my boss.)

(I am doing security checks on each floor, when I see a man in only his thin underwear standing very close to someone’s door, knocking.)

Me: “Um, sir? You have to put some clothes on. You can’t go in the halls naked.”

Guest: “I’m not naked. Uh… I was checking on my kids, and I’ve locked myself out of my room. I’m trying to knock quietly, so my wife will unlock the door, but I won’t wake my kids.”

(At this point, I think he’s drunk, and my tone gets steely.)

Me: “Sir, I’m going to check if you’re telling the truth. I’ll be right back.”

(I checked on the computer, and then went back, but he was gone. Hoping he wasn’t running around without any clothes on, I looked for him, but saw no sign of him. The next morning, I saw him with some children and his wife at breakfast, and figured that he was telling the truth. He caught my eye, blushed, and looked away. Is it so hard to put on a robe on these days?)

(This takes place in a five-star hotel’s cocktail bar that people come into to show off to friends. This night, a young guy in a cheap, ill-fitting suit brings his date in. I can tell he is out of his comfort zone but still wants to put on a good show for his date.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get you to drink tonight?”

Customer: “I’ll have a [sickly sweet cocktail] for the lady, and a scotch on the rocks, with ice, for me.”

Me:”…okay, sure. Scotch on the rocks.”

Customer: “With ice, please.”

Me: “…”

(There is a fire next door, and I have just been notified. I am about to go around alerting the guests in the building next to the one that is burning. Thankfully, only one of the rooms is occupied.)

Me: *knocks on the door, and the guest opens up* “Hi! There is a fire next door, and I have to ask you to evacuate immediately.”

Guest: “What?”

Me: “The building behind your room is on fire, and we are not sure if the fire will come this way, so we are asking that you leave the room.”

Guest: “Leave my room? I have to take a shower! I need to go somewhere and get ready!”

Me: “Well, the building behind you is burning, and has smoke coming out of the roof!”

(The guest closes the door. I can’t get her to leave, so I go find my manager to help me. I am unable to find her until I look on our roof. She is up there, spraying water with a hose on our roof, so the fire won’t be as dangerous if it comes over to our building. She tells me to get a key to another room and ask the guest again to leave.)

Me: *knocks on the door, and the guest’s husband opens up; all the while you can hear the fire trucks approaching* “Hi, there’s a fire next door—”

Guest’s Husband: *he cuts me off* “Yeah, I know. I opened up the bathroom window and immediately smelled the smoke. I had to show her so she would get dressed.”

Guest: *fully dressed and with a “just got yelled at” expression on her face* “I’m ready. Where do we have to go?”

Me: “Here’s a key to room [number]. It is in the other building, and you can keep it for the rest of the night. You can finish getting ready in there.”

(I may not have had a building full of guests, but the only two that I had sure caused me some trouble.)