(I pick-up the incoming phone calls when my rooms coordinator is out to lunch.)
Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. How may I help you?
Guest: “Is this lost and found?”
Me: “Yes. How may I help you?”
Guest: “Thank god! I left my laptop in my room yesterday when I checked out and I need it back!”
(I knew there was a laptop there that had been found the day before, and that, strangely, it had been left under the bed. After confirming the guest’s name, room number, and that it was really her laptop we had here, I start to explain to the guest that we could arrange for pick-up of the item by her or have it shipped via carrier.)
Guest: “Oh, no, you HAVE to ship it. I’m back in [Next Province Over] and I need it fast!”
Me: “Very well. If you give me your credit card information I can arrange for pick-up by [Carrier] later on today and have it sent express…”
Guest: “No, no, not later on today. I need it NOW!”
Me: “I’m sorry, but even the fastest express delivery service is not going to be able to get it to you in much less than 24 hours.”
Guest: “But you don’t understand! I work at a radio station. All my work stuff is on my laptop and I’m going on the air in 40 minutes, which I CANNOT DO if I don’t have MY LAPTOP!”
Me: *wondering why then, if her laptop was SO vital to her, did she not notice it missing before now* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but until someone makes the Star Trek transporter a reality, the fastest we can get it to you is 24 hours!”