Dog Teeth Are Not Rootine

, , , , | Right | March 16, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, can I have a toothbrush?”

Me: “Sure.” *I hand her a toothbrush*

(The customer leaves, and she comes back about five minutes later.)

Me: “Do you need toothpaste?”

Customer: “Oh, no, I was just wondering if this toothbrush is ADA approved? It doesn’t say that on the label.”

Me: “That’s because we special order our toothbrushes in bulk. The box that the shipment comes in says it’s ADA approved, though, if you want me to show you that.”

Customer: “I should. Harry is very finicky about his teeth, and I forgot his toothbrush at home.”

(I get the box and show her that the toothbrush is ADA approved.)

Customer: “Oh, good, Harry will be so happy! Here, let me show you some pictures of my baby!”

(She takes out her wallet and shows me pictures of a golden retriever.)

Me: “Um… is Harry a dog?”

Customer: “Of course! He’s my baby!”

Me: “We don’t allow pets in this hotel.”

Customer: “Oh. Can I still keep the toothbrush?”

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Just Give Them A Watered Down Answer

, , , , , , , | Right | February 3, 2010

(I work at a hotel half an hour away from Niagara Falls.)

Customer: “What time do the Falls stop?”

Me: “You mean the stores? I think they’re probably closed-”

Customer: “No, no, the Falls. What time do they run until?”

Me: “The lights? I believe 10 or so–”

Customer: “No, no, I mean the actual waterfall. What time do they turn it off?”

Me: “Midnight.”

(It’s about 11:30 pm, so they thank me and run out. Two hours later, they return.)

Customer: “Thanks a lot for the help earlier! I guess it was our lucky day. They didn’t turn them off yet!”


This story is part of our Clueless Tourists roundup!

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The Devil Is In The Pre-Sales

, , , , , , , | Right | January 25, 2010

(I’m working at the hotel on Christmas Day.)

Customer: *to husband* “See that girl there? She must be one of those devil worshipers! Why else would she be here on the day of Christ’s birth?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Who do you worship? Why are you working on Christmas? You worship the devil!”

Me: “Actually, I’m working because I don’t have any children. A lot of the other employees do so they’re home with their families.”

Customer: “Who do you worship?”

Me: “I’m a Christian.”

Customer: “DO NOT LIE! GOD WILL STRIKE YOU! GOD KNOWS ALL!”

Husband: *laughing* “Yes, just like Santa. He sees you when you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake.”

Customer: “Santa has NOTHING to do with Christ. You’ll offend them both!”

 

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In Search Of Holy Handouts

, , , , | Right | December 29, 2009

(I work in a church, and answer our public phone.)

Caller: “Hey… I need y’all to come out to [Motel] and take me to the airport.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ll be able to do that.”

Caller: “Oh, and bring forty-five dollars.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I cannot come pick you up.”

Caller: “What? I just came to your crummy town for a weekend and now I gotta get back home. Why the h*** aren’t you helping me? I just need a ride and forty-five dollars!”

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid I can’t.”

Caller: “Ain’t y’all a church? Why don’t you get off your lazy a** and come get me?”

Me: “Sir, I am not accustomed to meeting strange men at motels.”

Caller: “Well, it’s obvious YOU ain’t a Christian!”

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Questionable Intelligence

, | Right | December 9, 2009

Me: “Good afternoon. Thank you for calling [Hotel]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, can you tell me what room is beside 106?”

Me: “Um… room 107?”

Customer: “That’s the one! Thanks so much!” *hangs up*

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