(When you book a hotel room with a third party you just book a room. Any requests for room type (two beds, single king, adjoining) are just that: requests. This occurs after nine pm on a very busy Saturday night.)

Guest: “I’d like to check in…”

(Everything proceeds as normal and I’m swiping his credit card when he suddenly interrupts me.)

Guest: “There’s two beds and a rollaway in there, right?”

(My heart sinks. He’s booked for a single king, literally the only rooms we have left, and all our rollaways have been given out already.)

Me: “Unfortunately, no. The room has a single king, and we are out of rollaways. I literally don’t have any other room—”

Guest: *interrupting me* “But I booked a double queen. It’s me and my wife and three boys.”

Me: “I understand that, and I’m sorry, but when you buy a reservation online you’re buying a room, subject to hotel availability.”

(We continue back and forth in this vein, until he finally decides to check in and put his boys on the floor.)

Me: “I’m really, really sorry. Here, let me buy you breakfast, all of you, and you and your wife a drink tonight from our bar.” *I give him about $70+ in food and beverage coupons; I really felt bad for the guy*

(The guest leaves my counter, grumpy BUT SMILING. Half an hour later the phone rings. It is the third party website rep, regarding this guest.)

Rep: “Hi my name is [Rep] from [Company] regarding [Guest]. He says you don’t have a room for him?”

Me: “That’s not entirely true. We do have a room but it’s not the type he requested.”

Rep: “Okay. He’d like to cancel the reservation.”

Me: “I can’t do that. He’s already checked in, and the reservation is 100% non-cancellable and non-refundable. That’s in the contract every hotel signs with third parties.”

Rep: “Okay but [Guest] is very unhappy with the situation and would like to find a different hotel.”

(I put her on hold and confer with my manager. He decides to cancel the reservation and reverse the charges because we are oversold and need the room. I tell housekeeping to go check it and make sure I can turn it around to resell. Twenty minutes later the phone rings.)

Rep: “Hi, this is [Name] from [Company] again. [Guest] would like to cancel that.”

Me: “I did. I checked him out and reversed the deposit.”

Rep: “No, he wants to stay in the room.”

Me: “I can’t do that. I’ve already reversed the deposit and need the room for someone else.”

(Again this went back and forth for a maddening five minutes. Finally, the rep decided to have the guest call me. He did so right when I got slammed at my counter and was by myself. I kept asking him to hold and he kept hanging up and calling back. Finally my manager returned and took his call. The thing that killed me was that we bent over backward so hard for this guy and he was still going to give us a s***ty review.)

(We are a hotel right on the sea front.)

Guest: “I would like to move rooms, please.”

Colleague: “Is there anything I can help with?”

Guest: “I would like to move down the hotel as the seagulls are keeping me awake.”

Colleague: “I’m really sorry; we don’t have any available rooms. We are by the sea; there are going to be seagulls everywhere.”

Guest: “Oh. Is there anything that you can do to make them quiet though the night?”

(I am working for an off-shore call center that makes reservations for a big hotel chain. Sometimes guests would like to be connected to the hotel they are booking their room with. For most of the hotels we can ring their front desk directly and transfer the guest but some of them are a little strict due to the busy location of the hotel; therefore, they only accept calls that are out of our area of expertise. Should we need to contact these hotels, a supervisor gets involved to make sure the transfer is valid. After 30 minutes on the phone I have to connect the guest to one of the strict hotels for directions around local attractions for which I have no idea about. It should be noted that the guest is very talkative and extremely nice all throughout the call, and because of this the usual booking that only takes three to five minutes is extended.)

Me: *to my supervisor* “Hey there, I need to connect a caller to this [Hotel] for directions at the local area.”

Supervisor: “Sure, my pleasure. Send her over but no need to introduce me.”

(Now on a three-way conference, but with the supervisor not talking. I assume on mute:)

Me: “Hi there, Mrs. [Caller]. Thank you for waiting. I will be connecting you now to the hotel’s front desk as promised. Please stay on the line and you may hear some background music play until the front desk will pick up.”

Caller: “Oh, sure, honey, take your time. Thank you so much for being so nice and helpful. Now you have a bright and shiny day, child.”

(Suddenly my supervisor, on the line, starts coughing. Both I and my caller are startled.)

Caller: “Whoa. Darling is that you? You might be dying.”

Supervisor: “Oh, crap! I forgot to mute. Excuse me.”

Caller: “Now who the h*** is that?!

(After a few seconds of silence. Most likely my supervisor took the time to clear his throat.)

Caller: “Helloooo?! Helloooo?!”

Supervisor: “Oh, hi, Mrs. [Caller]. I am [Supervisor].”

Caller: “Now, hold on just a minute! Were you just eavesdropping on our call? Young man, that is a very, very rude thing to do!”

Supervisor: “I apologize but—”

Caller: *in a very stern tone* “No! Excuse me. I am not finished yet. Your mother obviously didn’t teach you any polite manners. It is rude to eavesdrop to someone else’s phone call especially if it is a private conversation! You should learn some good manners from [My Name]!”

(She went on, lecturing him about good manners and what the bible teaches. I couldn’t help but burst out laughing on the other line while I eavesdrop on them for a few more minutes (unlike my supervisor, I didn’t forgot to mute). And to make it worse, she asked for a supervisor and he desperately tried to explain that HE was the supervisor.)

(I work as a night auditor and part of my job is making reservations. One night I get a call from a gentleman that needs a room on a night that we are sold out. I inform him we are full and this is his response:)

Caller: “But I am a Priority Club Gold member. My room is guaranteed!”

Me: “Yes, it’s guaranteed IF there is availability, but we are completely booked.”

Caller: “But I’m Gold; you have to give me a room!”

Me: “I again apologize, but we are full on that night.”

(He cussed me out and hung up. I sometimes wonder if people realize that when they argue, it’s pointless. I mean, I’m not a carpenter, so I can’t build them a room!)

(I take a trip out of town for a ping-pong tournament. I and my teammate stay late at a tournament in LA so we check into a hotel in the area. It is about three am before we are settled in the room. I am watching TV on my bed while my teammate is replacing the rubber padding on his ping pong paddle in anticipation of the next game. I fall asleep while we’re talking and the next day while in the lobby waiting to be checked out, my teammate let out this:)

Teammate: “Hey, by the time I finished putting on my rubber, you’d fallen asleep!”