Not The Key To Success

| CA, USA | Right | January 27, 2016

(I’m the customer here. In the 1970s my wife and I, from the UK, treat ourselves to a luxury holiday, visiting the USA for the first time. When we register at our up-market hotel, I’m given a keycard for the room. It’s the first time I’ve seen one.)

Receptionist: “Here’s your keycard, sir. Just swipe it in the slot on your room door to open it.”

Me: “Thank you.”

(I collect my suitcase and walk with my wife to the elevator. Putting down my suitcase, I check my pocket for the keycard, but it’s not there, so I walk back to reception (about 15 yards).)

Me: “Err, I’ve lost my keycard between here and the elevator. That must be a record?”

Receptionist: “Pretty much, sir. Here’s a replacement. Enjoy your stay!”

Pretty Clear What He’s Up To

| MI, USA | Romantic | January 19, 2016

(I am female and work audit shifts, and usually the only people who call me are other hotels or guests trying to figure out where we are.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel, City]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, is this the pretty one?”

Me: “That depends what you mean by ‘pretty,’ sir.”

Caller: “I like that. I like your voice, too.”

Me: “That’s… nice of you to say?”

Caller: “You’re welcome. I thought you’d be pretty, since you have a pretty voice.”

Me: “Sir, do you have any questions about staying at my hotel, or can I hang up now?”

Caller: “…” *click*

Me: “That’s what I thought.”

The Boss Doesn’t Give You Enough Credit

| China | Working | January 8, 2016

(I have just started my professional career a few months ago and end up taking my first international work trip with my boss. He has been somewhat harsh with me about dotting all my i’s and crossing all my t’s leading up to this trip, but I have performed well throughout our work on this trip, and just the night before, over dinner, he said he was impressed with my performance. Over the course of the trip, I have been using my company card to pay for meals, transportation expenses, and other necessary things. The next morning we go to check out of our hotel.)

Clerk: “I’m sorry, ma’am, your card was declined.”

Me: “Can you please try it again?”

Clerk: “Of course… I’m sorry, it’s still coming back as declined.”

(I go grab my boss who is sitting in the lobby waiting for me to finish checking out.)

Me: “[Boss], my company card is coming up declined. I followed your instructions to make sure that my credit line was sufficient to pay for everything I needed on this trip. What should I do?”

Boss: “Well, why didn’t you have the finance department make sure your credit line was sufficient to cover this trip?”

Me: “I did do that. I emailed them exactly what you told me to with the details and cost of our trip, and called them to confirm that they received that and had extended my credit line properly. My card is still coming up declined. How do I handle this?”

Boss: “Well, just put it on a personal credit card and request reimbursement. They usually send checks for things you’ve paid for personally within 30 days, so you won’t have to pay any interest.”

Me: “I’m… I’m… sorry, sir, but we’ve been staying in this expensive hotel for 15 nights, and I simply don’t have that kind of credit available to me, even if I maxed out every one of my personal cards. I know that it’s the middle of the night in the U.S., but is there some emergency number I can call to get my company card fixed to work?”

Boss: “What do you mean you don’t have ‘that kind of credit’ available to you? It should only be around $6000. What, were you hitting the minibar too hard? Just put it on a personal card!”

Me: “Please don’t yell at me. I’m young and pretty much so broke, so I only have about $4000 total credit available on all of my personal cards. However, all of those charge international exchange fees, so it’s more like $3800-3900 before the cards will be declined. I’m sorry. I did what I was supposed to, but there is simply no way I can cover this without using my company card. Maybe we could try your company card?”

Boss: “Ugh, fine, I will pay your hotel bill, but don’t think this doesn’t reflect on your professionalism. What kind of professional doesn’t have personal cards that can cover a simple $6000 bill?”

(When we got back, it turned out our finance person *had* sent in the paperwork to increase my company card’s credit line, but instead of increasing my credit line by $4000, she increased it by $400. She was not penalized, and my boss held that over MY head for several years to come.)

Boasting About His French Fry

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Right | January 8, 2016

(The hotel I work at is very close to a rugby stadium and as a result, the hotel is packed during national games. I am the only member of staff who can speak French, and have to translate all day during the France vs. Scotland game.)

Guest: *in French* “Your coworker is cute.”

Me: *in French* “How nice of you to say. Can I take your order?”

Guest: *in French* “Can you tell her something from me?”

Me: *in French* “I suppose so…”

(At this point my coworker has noticed him looking at her.)

Guest: *in French* “Tell your friend the reason I have such a huge belly, is to hide my massive penis!”

(He and his friends laughed as I took their order and walked away. I decided to wait until after our shift to tell my coworker what he had said.)

Turning Water Into Wine And Back Again

| Germany | Right | January 8, 2016

(At check-in we offer our guests a free welcome drink. Normally this is prosecco (Italian sparkling wine) but we also have sparkling water if the guest does not drink alcohol.)

Me: “Welcome to the hotel! Can we offer you a prosecco on the house?” *seeing difficult look* “Or would you like sparkling water?”

Guest: “Yes.”

Me: “The prosecco or the water?”

Guest: “Yes.”

Me: “It is your choice, madam, would you like the sparkling wine or the water?”

Guest: *agitated* “Yehesss….”

(My coworker just starts pouring a prosecco without further comment. The husband of the guest enters the hotel.)

Guest: *to husband* “Those two here really wanted to confuse me just now!”

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