Walking Tall, Risking Small

, , | Right | June 13, 2010

Guest: “How do I get to the mall from here?”

Me: “Oh, it’s really easy, sir. You just make a right out of our lot, and you come to a lighted intersection. Go straight through the light and you will be in the mall parking lot.”

Guest: “All right, then.”

(The guest goes to walk there, and then comes back.)

Guest: “Are there no sidewalks here?”

Me: “Well, no, not really, but there’s a light to protect you. Our roads have really wide shoulders, so there’s plenty of room to walk.”

Guest: “Oh. So you really have to take you life into your hands to walk anywhere here, huh?”

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Unable To Order, Drunken Disorder

, , , , | Right | June 1, 2010

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you this evening?”

Customer: *visibly intoxicated* “I need a room.”

(After arguing with her for a good ten minutes about the cost per night, the customer settles on a standard room. A few hours later, she calls.)

Me: “Front desk.”

Customer: “My phone isn’t working.”

Me: “Are you sure?”

Customer: “Girl, I am sure! My phone is not working.”

Me: “Is it not working when you are trying to dial out? Make sure you’re pressing ‘9’ before you dial the number you’re trying to reach.”

Customer: “No, I know that! I read that. It’s not working. No dial tone, nothing.”

Me: “Ma’am, aren’t you calling me from the room phone?”

*Silence for a moment.*

Customer: “While I’ve got you on here, can you order me ribs?”

Me: “From the restaurant next door?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m not required to do that. The number for the restaurant is in your guest directory found in the drawer of the desk in your room.”

Customer: “But my phone isn’t working!”

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Loonie Toonies

, , , , , | Right | May 31, 2010

Me: “Good evening, sir. How can I help you?”

Guest: “I need change for $5.00 so I can leave the maid a tip.”

(The guest hands me a Canadian $5.00 bill and I open my register and take out a ‘toonie’ and three ‘loonies’ and hand it to the guest.)

Guest: *blank look* “What is this?”

Me: “That is change for $5.00.”

Guest: “Is this real?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Guest: “Are you kidding me?”

Me: “No, sir. I assure you that is Canadian change for five dollars.”

Guest: “Is the maid going to understand what this stuff is?”

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Smoking Rate Gets Smokers Irate

, , , , | Right | May 28, 2010

Customer: “I have a smoking fee on my bill but I didn’t smoke in the room!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, the security officer last night saw you with a lit cigarette in your hand when he went to your room last night.”

Customer: “Well, it wasn’t me! I didn’t smoke last night!”

Me: “I’m really sorry, but if anyone smoked in the room last night we have to charge you for it since it was your room.”

Customer: “But even if it wasn’t me?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Security said that someone was smoking in the room.”

Customer: “But I put it out right away! I didn’t smoke any more after that!”

Me: “So you did actually smoke in the room, then?”

Customer: “Can I just pay half the fee since I only smoked half the cigarette?”

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Inn-Experienced Guest

, , , , , | Right | May 11, 2010

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a room for the night.”

Me: “Okay, the rate for tonight is [price].”

Customer: *confused* “You mean it’s not free?”

Me: “No, it’s [price].”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Not free?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Do the people upstairs know about this?”

Me: “Yes. They all paid the same thing.”

Customer: *walking away* “Crazy people.”

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