How To Rock The Boat

, , , | Right | October 4, 2010

(I work at a hotel where some of the rooms overlook the lake. I get a customer checked in and give him a key to a room overlooking the lake, but he comes back to the front desk after five minutes.)

Customer: “This is unacceptable!”

Me: “Is there a problem, sir?”

Customer: “I went down there, and there is room 144, then 146, there is no 145!”

Me: “Sir, it’s on the other side of the hotel. You have to go through the hallway.”

Customer: “So I have to walk through someone else’s room?”

Me: “No, this room is on the lake side of the hotel.”

Customer: “The lake side? Well, how do I get there? I don’t have a boat!”

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If At First You Don’t Succeed, Thai Again

, , , , | Right | September 11, 2010

Guest: “Kamsamnida!”

Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

Guest: “Did I not pronounce that right? Kamsamnida! It means ‘thank you,’ doesn’t it?”

Me: “Oh! I’m sorry, I’m Taiwanese, not Korean.”

Guest: “Oh! I’m so sorry! Wow! Taiwanese, eh? Is Thai food good? I’ve always wanted to try Thai food! Teach me how to say ‘Thank you’ in Thai?”

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Cause And Defect

, , , , | Right | September 1, 2010

Guest: “How much for one of your hotel rooms?”

Me: *gives price*

Guest: “How about if I only pay [another price]?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, I can’t do that. We’re almost sold out and I can’t reduce room rates when we’re almost sold out.”

Guest: “Do you really think you’re going to sell this room anytime tonight?”

Me: “Yes, I will. I’m the only hotel in the area with rooms left and other hotels are sending their overflow guests to me. I’ll sell this room in the next half hour.”

Guest: “Oh, come on!”

Me: “Plus there’s a concert tonight and I’m getting a lot of concert goers coming in to get a room.”

Guest: “But the concert is over! I just came from the concert myself!”

Me: “And here you are!”

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Talentless Pool

, , , , | Right | July 22, 2010

(A customer approaches the front desk.)

Customer: “Can I get a large gauze pad and a bandaid? And maybe some ointment, as well?”

Me: “What happened?”

Customer: “My son swam into the pool wall, and he cut his head open.”

Me: “Is he okay?”

Customer: “Yeah, just bleeding. He’s so used to swimming in the ocean with no walls. Poor thing.”

Me: “How old is your son?”

Customer: “19.”

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Can’t Keep Up With The Joneses

, , , , | Right | July 22, 2010

Customer: “I want to look at my final bill.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Your room number?”

Customer: *already angered by the question* “331!”

Me: *looking at the name on the room* “331. Ms. Jones?”

Customer: “Yeah! What’s the charge?”

Me: “It’s $434.67.”

Customer: “What?! That’s insane! What did you people do? It should only be a hundred dollars!”

Me: “Your bill shows a number of movie charges and quite a few items from our market here. It is 331, right, Ms. Jones?”

Customer: “That’s insane! What did you do?! I knew this was going to happen! I knew you were going to try and cheat us and we wouldn’t know it until we got home!  I read on the Internet that hotels always do this! Print that bill up right now! I’m going to sue you with it!”

Me: “I’m sorry about the confusion, Ms. Jones. Here’s your bill. Let me get my manager so we can look over this and figure out the problem.”

(As my manager approaches, the customer grabs the bill out of my hand so hard she tears part of it.)

Me: “Here you are, Ms. Jones. And here’s my manager.”

Customer: *looking at bill* “This isn’t me!”

Me: “You are not Ms. Jones, in 331?”

Customer: “No! What is wrong with you?!” *turning to my manager* “Why do you let idiots work here?!”

Manager: “Ma’am, what is your last name?”

(The customer rattles off a long, hyphenated name that could not be further from Jones if she tried.)

Manager: “Then, I have to ask why, when my employee asked you if you were Ms. Jones, did you say yes?”

Customer: “I don’t get paid to know who I am!”

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