The Fourth Is Not Strong With This One

, , , , , | Right | December 4, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling the [Hotel]. How may I direct your call?”

Customer: *in a British accent* “I need a room for tonight.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are booked.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “It’s the Fourth of July. We’re always booked on the Fourth.”

Customer: “I know the date! Why are you booked?”

Me: “Um, it’s July Fourth.”

Customer: “Listen, just give me a room!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we are sold out. The entire town is sold out.”

Customer: “The entire town? Why?”

Me: “Sir, it’s the Fourth of July. Independence day.”

Customer: “Independence from what?”

Me: “Um, England.”

Customer: “Oh, bloody h***!” *click*

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Inn-Experienced

, , , | Right | December 1, 2009

Me: “Hello, [Hotel]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I need to cancel my reservation for tonight.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we require 24-hour notice for all cancellations.”

Customer: “Well it’s an emergency! My daughter got sick and we had to stay home!”

(I glance down at the caller ID and see that this phone call is coming from a competing hotel across town.)

Me: “Okay, sir. I’ll cancel it for you due to this emergency situation.”

(Ten minutes pass, and I call the other hotel and ask to be connected to the guy’s room.)

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, sir, this is [My Name] from [Hotel]. I just wanted to call you back with your cancellation number and to wish your daughter a speedy recovery.”

Customer: *stammering* “How did you get this number? Are you following me?!”

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I Can Hear Clearly Now The Brain Is Gone

, | Right | November 26, 2009

(A man claiming to be our hotel guest’s boss calls our front desk several times, claiming that the guest won’t return his calls. I ring the hotel guest to let her know the situation.)

Me: “Hello! I received a few phone calls from a Mr. [Name] asking you to call him back immediately.”

Hotel Guest: “Oh, Mr. [Name]? I don’t know a Mr. [Name].”

Me: “Oh, okay. I’m sorry to bother you. I will ask him to stop calling.”

Hotel Guest: “Well, what was his name again?”

Me: “Mr. [Name].”

Hotel Guest: “Was he tall?”

Me: “Ma’am, he was on the phone.”

Hotel Guest: “You didn’t notice if he was tall or not? That doesn’t help me at all.”

Me: “Very sorry, ma’am. I will try to get a better look at him next time he calls.”

Hotel Guest: “Thank you so much, dear!” *hangs up*

 

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Third Tail’s A Charm

, , | Right | November 20, 2009

Customer: “Hi, I’m planning to stay here for a few days and just wanted to find out whether I can bring pets.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but our hotel has a strict no pet policy.”

Customer: “So, I can’t bring my dog?”

Me: “No, I’m afraid not.”

Customer: “But it’s tiny, doesn’t shed, and I guarantee I’ll always let it out in time.”

Me: “No, I’m sorry.”

Customer: “What about my cat?”

Me: “No pets, sir.”

Customer: “All right, fine.” *stands around for several moments* “So my wife can bring her hamster, right?”

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A Mother Who Will Never Be Out-Dated

, , , | Right | November 11, 2009

(A middle-aged woman comes to the front desk of our hotel. Note that I am also a woman and my coworker is a man.)

Customer: “Where are all the women at?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “The women! The good-looking women!”

Me: “I’m not sure I understand.”

Customer: “My son just started college and he wants a woman. Where should I go to get him a woman?”

Me: “I’m not interested in women, so I wouldn’t know.”

Customer: *to coworker* “You! Hey, you. Where should I go to get ladies?”

Coworker: “Has he tried the college campus?”

Customer: “They’re all ugly. I want to get my son a hot chick!”

Coworker: “Okay, this is a small town. He should look around. A bar?”

Customer: “He’s not 21.”

Me: “The grocery store? I don’t know.”

Customer: “But where would you go?”

Me: “Ask at the visitors’ center. Have a good day!”

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