(Upon check-in a guest is expressing that he is going to need a special type of room.)

Guest: “Do you have WiFi?”

Me: “Yes, sir, we do!”

Guest: “Is it in all of the rooms?”

Me: “Yes, sir, if you need to use it in the lobby or in the comforts of your room.”

Guest: “Well I need a room with the least amount of radioactive waves from the WiFi.”

Me: *drawing a blank*

Guest: “My wife is allergic to the WiFi signals so we need a room with the most complaints of dropped signals or poor connection. That’s the room with the least radioactive waves.”

(I’m serving breakfast in our hotel to a guest. English isn’t his first language, but he has been with us a few days and has been very clear up until now.)

Customer: “I’ll have the omelette, with mushroom and tomato. No eggs.”

Me: “…”

(He seemed to enjoy his fried tomato and mushroom though.)

(Our hotel offers both free breakfast and dinner, and so we have a breakfast supervisor and a dinner supervisor. One day, during breakfast, the dinner supervisor calls on the phone.)

Dinner Supervisor: “I need to speak with the breakfast supervisor.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll transfer you over there.”

Dinner Supervisor: “Okay, thanks.”

(The call gets transferred but no one picks up. Breakfast is in full swing. The call kicks back to me.)

Dinner Supervisor: “No one picked up! What are they DOING over there? Probably sitting on their lazy a** doing their nails!”

Me: “Actually, we are sold out and they are extremely busy and–”

Dinner Supervisor: *scoffs* “‘Extremely’? Pfft! Yeah right! I went over there in the morning once and it was soooo slow. If you want to see busy, you should see dinner time, baby!”

Me: “Well, maybe we weren’t sold out when you visited.”

(She ignores that and again asks that I go over there, find, and pull the breakfast supervisor to the phone physically. I manage to do so, and she is out of breath from running around so hard, and sweaty. They speak and hang up, and the breakfast supervisor rolls her eyes, and goes back into the fray. A few minutes later after that, the dinner supervisor arrives in person. She looks over at the loud, bustling dining room.)

Dinner Supervisor: *very bemused* “Huh, I guess it IS busy! Who knew… Strange… I came here just last week in the morning and it wasn’t!”

Me: “Because we didn’t have a lot of customers, maybe?”

(The wheels in her head finally turned as she realized, then she nodded once and walked off. Never again did she bother the breakfast crew in the mornings or call them lazy. Sad to say that she’s been working here for 10 years and never thought about anyone else working hard.)

(We have a tour group in house. They are riding a bus across the country. The bus driver is also staying here.)

Bus Driver: “Please! Help!”

Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Bus Driver: “I left the lights on the bus all night long and the battery’s dead!”

Me: “Ah. Well… shall I call a towing service?”

Bus Driver: “No! I have to get these people to [Location three states away] in 5 hours and so I need your car! Do you have a car?!”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry, but I can’t leave the desk. You’ll have to find another way to jumpstart your bus.”

Bus Driver: “Give me your keys! Keys! Now!”

(He went nuts, and I kept refusing to help him with his bus with my car. Then he started asking other guests for help. They all looked at him like he was mad and said no. The towing service was called and finally helped him with his bus, and he had to explain, red-faced, what happened to his passengers. Most of them were understanding.)

(I run the breakfast bar at a small hotel. We have a hockey team in house, for which we usually purchase lots of bananas as the players like to take a few extra to bring to their games. As such, I have half a grocery cart full of bananas. Note also that hockey teams, in particular, are known in the industry to be the most unruly type of guest. This exchange takes place between me and the customer behind me in line.)

Customer: “Goodness gracious! Are you taking care of a bunch of monkeys?!”

Me: “No, ma’am, just feeding them for the weekend.”

This story is part of our Monkey-themed roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Crazy Stories That Only Hamster-Owners Will Understand

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