Up-Front Desk

, , , , , , | Right | April 21, 2011

(A guest is checking in.)

Guest: “And would it be okay if I bring a prostitute to the room later?”

Me: *startled* “Uh. Well. I guess if no other guests are in any way disturbed or affected.”

Guest: “Well, that’s terrific. She’ll be coming by at about 8:30 pm. But if she looks ugly, just send her back without giving her my room number.”

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Interior Design Supports Parental Decline

, , , | Right | April 4, 2011

(It’s 9 pm and the hotel is sold out. A guest calls from the 8th floor. Note: our rooms have exterior entrances.)

Me: “Front desk, how can I help you?”

Guest: “I was wondering, do you had any rooms on a lower floor? My grandson is only two, but he can reach the safety lock. He keeps trying to go outside.”

Me: “The only rooms we have available tonight are on the 6th floor. I can set you up for a room transfer tomorrow, if you like?

Guest: “That would be great!”

Me: “I’ll look for one all the way to the ground floor. Is that okay?”

Guest: “That would be fine, thank you. I just don’t want my grandson getting outside, you know.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll go ahead and set you up for that. But just to let you know, the ground floor hasn’t been renovated yet. The room is going to be a little outdated. The renovation has only reached the 6th floor.”

Guest: “Oh really? You know what? Packing all my things up might be a little difficult. It’s okay, never mind!”

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Not The Brightest Spark In The Firework Display

, , | Right | March 27, 2011

Me: “[My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to come down and stay at your hotel. I want to stay when the Fourth of July fireworks go off. Do you know when that is?”

Me: “On the… Fourth of July?”

Customer: “But, that’s on a Tuesday. We want to come on the weekend.”

Me: “I’m sorry, the Fourth of July fireworks show always goes off on the Fourth of July.”

Customer: *sternly* “Well, I guess you just lost business, didn’t you?!” *click*


This story is part of our July 4th roundup!

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(Dead) Wrong Number

, , , , , | Right | February 21, 2011

(We have received dry cleaning, so I call a guest to let him know he can pick it up.)

Guest: “Steven’s Mortuary: You stab ’em, we slab ’em.”

Me: “Oh… hello. This is the front desk. I was just calling to let you know your dry cleaning is here.”

Guest: “Oh! Sorry, I thought you were someone else.”

Me: “That’s okay, sir. That was the most interesting call I’ve had all day.”

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Safe To Say It’s Nacho Brightest Moment

, , , | Right | January 27, 2011

Me: “Good evening, guest services. This is [My Name]. How may I assist you?”

Guest: “This is absolutely ridiculous! You need to get someone up here right now! This God d*** microwave in my room isn’t working! You had better fix this immediately!”

(Our hotel does not have microwaves in guest rooms unless the person is a VIP or if they request one in advance.)

Me: “I am so sorry, Mr. [Guest]. I can certainly have someone come take a look at it right away. If I may ask, did housekeeping bring this microwave to your room?”

Guest: “No! It’s the microwave that is in the room! My nachos have been in this d*** thing for over twenty minutes and they’re not even hot yet!”

Me: “I see, sir. Can you tell me where it’s located in your room?”

Guest: “It’s the one that’s right under the television! I want my nachos and you better figure this out now!”

Me: “Sir, is this microwave an off-white color with a keypad on the right of it?”

Guest: “Yes!”

Me: “There’s not a little window like a normal microwave would have, is there? It’s just a little digital display screen, right?”

Guest: “That’s exactly it. It only displays how long I set the time for! I want my nachos twenty minutes ago. Can you get someone up here immediately?! This is absurd!”

Me: “Again, sir, I apologize that your nachos are not hot. However, I believe I’ve figured out what the problem is. The device you’re placing your nachos in is actually your safe.”

Guest: “Oh… Oh, my God. I’m so f***ing stupid!”

(He actually called back down later and apologized.)

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