(I’m working behind the desk when suddenly a girl I know walks into the lobby. I wave to her.)

Me: “Hi!”

Girl: “Oh, hi!”

Me: “What are you doing here?”

Girl: “Working. I was just with a client.” *pauses and thinks for a second* “Wow, that sounds wrong when you say it in a hotel!”

Me: *laughing* “I didn’t even think of that until you said anything!”

(For the record, she’s actually a social worker!)

(My coworker is skinny and small, but is not afraid to stand up to anyone.)

Me: *to manager* “Where’s [Coworker]? Is he sick?”

Manager: “No… he got attacked by some customers yesterday.”

Me: “What?!”

Manager: “Yeah, a bunch of drunk roughnecks were pulling the plants outside out of their pots and tipping the soil out. He told them to stop and they stuffed him into a pot instead.”

(The decorative plants are in pots big enough to hold a man, so this is entirely possible.)

Me: “Ohmigosh… Well, I hope they got arrested.”

Me: “They did… eventually.”

(The kicker was that those roughnecks were guests staying here and they complained to corporate and got a free certificate! My coworker soon quit, and I don’t blame him.)

(I work at a smaller, family run hotel known for its pet-friendly policy. All pets are welcome, but owners must sign a waiver form and leave an additional deposit in case their pet does something to the room or another guest.)

Me: *checking guest in* “All right! Are any pets staying in your room?”

Guest: “No, just me and my best friend.”

Me: *hands over keys* “Okay, well, have a nice stay!”

(Five minutes later, I see the same guest walking past me to the elevator with a large Doberman dog.)

Me: “Oh, excuse me, [Guest], I must have heard wrong. I thought you didn’t have a pet.”

Guest: “I don’t have a pet.”

Me: “Umm… Is that dog yours?” *points to dog she is walking*

Guest: “Yes. This is Toby.”

Me: “Oh! Okay… Well, we are a pet friendly hotel, but if you have a pet with you, I just need you to sign a waiver. It is policy.”

Guest: “But I don’t have a pet.”

Me: “Umm… Dogs, last I checked, are considered pets.”

Guest: *offended tone* “Excuse me?! This is Toby! He’s my best friend. He’s not a pet!”

Me: “Well… regardless of how you like to classify Toby, a dog, to our hotel, is a pet… Thus, you have to sign a pet form.”

Guest: *getting angry* “Stop calling Toby a pet! He’s not a pet! He’s my friend! I’m not signing a form because he’s not a pet. Stop being racist!”

(My boss is okay with us calling out crazy when we have to, so…)

Me: “Listen, lady, I do not like being called a racist. Furthermore, as far as I’m concerned, all canines are considered pets by this establishment and require a waiver to be signed. However you want to classify Toby is up to you, but for legal purposes, you have to sign the waiver.”

Guest: “Toby… is… not… a… PET!” *starts screaming racial slurs at me and cussing*

Me: “Ma’am, as part of the innkeepers act, I’m banning you, and your PET from the hotel. You have five minutes to get out or else I’ll be forced to call the cops.”

Guest: *leaves in a huff*

(We are the only pet friendly hotel in a 100 mile radius.)

(I work as a night auditor at a hotel. In my position, I work overnight, and am *technically* the manager on duty since I’m usually the only hotel employee present. My only coworkers are a security guard that doesn’t work directly for the hotel, occasionally a second auditor, and a housekeeper on the weekends. I have very little actual authority, but sometimes people will still leave things for me to deal with when they don’t really want to. This has to be the worst example of that behavior.)

Manager On Duty: “Oh, [My Name] can you do me a favor?”

Me: “Sure, what’s up?”

Manager On Duty: “Well, this woman fell outside a little while ago, and she seemed to hit her head pretty hard; she had a cut on her forehead. I helped her up to her room, but she was really drunk and out of it and couldn’t answer my questions very well, and I didn’t have my phone on me to take pictures, so I didn’t write up an incident report. Can you put a note on her reservation and let the morning MOD know to make one?”

Me: *too stunned and busy attempting to process what I was just told to get properly angry* “Uh… was there anyone in her room with her? Is she going to be okay for the night?”

Manager On Duty: “No, she was alone. And the bartender said she only had a few glasses of wine, so she can’t be too bad off.”

Me: “But you just said she couldn’t even answer questions properly.”

Manager On Duty: “She’ll be fine. Just tell the morning MOD to write the report.”

(First of all, the morning MOD can’t write a report on something they didn’t witness. Second, I spent all night anxious over this woman, worrying that someone had slipped something in her drink or that she might be concussed and not wake up. I even tried calling her room and sent the security guard up to knock, both without a response, and I’m not allowed to go into a room I know is occupied without permission. Thankfully the woman was just fine the next morning — but I just couldn’t believe the amount of negligence it took to just leave a bleeding, incoherent woman in her room ALONE for an entire night!)

(I have a job interview in a town about 200 miles from home. Because my interview is early in the morning, the night before I stay in a hotel much closer to the school. As I am walking out of the hotel lobby after checking out, another man walks past me into the lobby. When I get out to my car, I hear a tap on my window. The same man is standing there, so I roll down my window in case I had forgotten something inside or anything.)

Man: *friendly and smiling* “Hey, are you looking for a job?”

Me: “Kind of, but I’m really only looking for teaching jobs right now.”

Man: “Well, my company is always hiring, so if you want my business card, you can give me a call and we can set something up.”

Me: “What kind of work is it?”

Man: “Supplemental insurance sales.”

Me: *handing his business card back to him* “Thanks, but I think I’ll pass.”

(At this point, the man starts to turn aggressive, leaning into the window and practically shouting in my ear.)

Man: “What, you think you’re too good to sell insurance? Or are you just so d*** stupid that the only job you can find is at a hotel?”

Me: “Like I said, I’m looking for a TEACHING job, so I’m not really interested in anything else right now, unless it has something to do with working in schools or working with kids.”

Man: *reaching past me and pointing at the piece of paper on the passenger seat* “Then why did you pick up an application in there?”

Me: “That’s my RECEIPT.”

Man: *actually grabbing my tie* “Okay, but who the f*** wears a suit and tie into a hotel lobby this early in the morning unless they’re looking for a job?”

Me: *shoving the guy back out of my car* “I was CHECKING OUT, and I have a job interview at a school in half an hour.”

(I drove off at that point, but watched the guy in my rear-view mirror as he got in his pick-up truck and raced to catch up to me. I got my phone ready in case he still had road rage, but he ended up turning the other direction out of the parking lot and speeding away. I was still pretty shaken up when I got to the school for my interview, and had to take some extra time fussing over my clothes in the parking lot just so I could calm down before I walked inside. On the plus side, I still ended up giving a good enough interview that I was offered the job!)