Customer: “Can I have an iron?”

Me: “There should be one in your room.”

Customer: “There isn’t!”

Me: “Are you sure? Did you check the closet?”

Customer: “Yes, I did, and there was nothing!”

Me: “Hmm.” *to coworker* “Hey, watch the desk, will you?” *to customer* “Can I go with you to your room and see?”

Customer: “Fine! There’s no iron!”

(We go. I open the closet and there’s an iron in plain view.)

Me: “…”

Customer: “Oh, that closet!” *sees the incredulous look I’m giving him* “Well, I didn’t want to poke around too much! It’s nosy, you know! Thanks!” *pushes me out and slams door*

(I go back to the desk.)

Coworker: “Did you find it?”

Me: *nod* “I’m taking a break.”

(I work chat support for a major hotel chain, and I’m slowly starting to lose faith in our government. This is not the first time a chat of this nature has occurred.)

Chatter: “I am trying to book a room for a US Congressman. Does that qualify for the government rate?”

(My boyfriend and I have only been dating about a month, and I’ve warned him that I am horribly clumsy and he’ll probably spend a lot of time in emergency rooms with me if we end up staying together. Somehow, in the month we’ve been dating, I’ve suddenly become coordinated enough to hide this from him, so he doesn’t believe I’m as klutzy as I claim. We are on a business trip with some colleagues in Salt Lake City when the following happens. We are standing outside a hotel waiting for a cab. It’s early December and the ballroom of the hotel is decorated beautifully for Christmas.)

Me: “Oh, wow! Look at how big that room is, and it’s so pretty!”

Boyfriend: “It really is.”

(He is standing a bit farther down the window, looking in towards the back of the room. I swing my head intensely towards the window to get a better look at the decorations, which results in me SLAMMING my forehead hard enough to bounce off the glass.)

Me: “OWWWW!”

Boyfriend: “WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?!” *starts laughing*

Me: “Those are some very clean windows…”

Boyfriend: “This is what you were talking about it, wasn’t it?”

Me: “I warned you.”

Boyfriend: “This is going to be fun.”

(That was almost three years ago, and we were just recently married. I guess he decided he could handle all my injuries!)

(I get a noise complaint about a room full of kids. I call the dad of the kids to tell them to please keep it down.)

Dad: “Okay.” *to kids* “HEY, KIDS! SHUT THE F*** UP!”

(Dead silence.)

Dad: *hangs up*

(I soon got another complaint about the dad loudly cursing. Ah, hotel patrons…)

(I am starting my shift as a receptionist at the local hotel. I get a call from one of the rooms.)

Guest: *shouting* “Our sink is clogged! I find it horrible that you rent out such expensive rooms that are not properly maintained.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. I’ll have someone check it out right away.”

(I called around to see if anybody could go up and check it out, but everybody else was busy. I had to run up a take a look myself. I got to the room and two angry women were waiting, muttering about the bad maintenance of our rooms and slow service. I went into the bathroom, took a quick look at the sink, and saw that they had not opened the drain using the very visible handle behind the tap. I pushed the handle and voila! The water ran out. I then looked at them and bit my tongue to avoid saying anything rude. They just looked embarrassed and said that they didn’t have drains like that where they came from. I left the room and continued my shift with a little less faith in humanity.)