Going Totally Off The Wire(less)

| TX, USA | Right | January 6, 2017

(Guest calls down having issues with the Wi-Fi; his tablet can’t find our network. After explaining the code, he comes down to the desk all upset.)

Me: “Good evening. How are you today?”

Guest: “Frustrated, I can’t log on to the Wi-Fi. I’ve been trying all day and I just can’t! I want to check out! I’ve missed so much work already!”

Me: *noting it’s after five, I try to convince him to stay otherwise he will be charged an additional night* “Would you like to try moving to another room where the connection is stronger?”

Guest: “No, I can’t be sure that it will work there so I don’t want to bother.”

(After going back and forth, he agrees to go see a room. I manage to successfully log him on the network.)

Me: “Did you want to move here, sir?”

Guest: “No, I just want to check out!”

Me: “Okay, but I’m going to have to charge you for tonight, since you checked out after five.”

Guest: “Oh, that is ridiculous. How can you charge me if you didn’t even provide a basic service!”

Me: “But I did. Your [Tablet] logged on to the network, and I offered to move you at no charge.”

Guest: *irate* “No, you didn’t provide me a basic service. I have to pay for another hotel and you want to charge me? Oh, I will be writing you a bad review!”

If You Ask A Stupid Question…

| Riverview, FL, USA | Right | January 6, 2017

Caller: “Hello. I would like to know if your pool has water in it.”

Me: “Nope. Our pool is full of fire-breathing flamingoes.”

New Hire: Baptism Of Fire

| USA | Working | December 5, 2016

(It is very early in the morning, and a young new hire is cooking the breakfast for the guests. A smoke smell comes out.)

New Hire: *panicking* “FIRE!” *runs out the door*

(I’m dumbfounded, but I get ready to pull the fire alarm, as we’re trained to, and then her trainer go into the kitchen, grabs an extinguisher, and sprays. The fire is put out.)

Trainer: “It’s okay. It was small.”

Me: “Where did [New Hire] go? Did she really just leave?”

Trainer: “I’ll go get her…”

(Turned out, New Hire was deathly afraid of fire and jumped in her car in a panic and drove off! The manager told her that the job probably wasn’t a good match for her, and she got… fired. Heh.)

Room For Annoyance

| St Andrews, Scotland, UK | Right | December 2, 2016

(I work in reception at a small family-run hotel and I am helping in the restaurant one afternoon. We have a large group of senior citizens staying with us. One of them calls reception, and as I am downstairs in the restaurant, it gets bumped downstairs.)

Guest: “Hi, can you transfer me to Mr. Smith’s room, please?”

Me: “Sure. I’m down in the restaurant at the moment, so I don’t know Mr. Smith’s room number. Would you happen to know so I can transfer you?”

Guest: “No.”

Me: “All right, then. If you’ll give me just a moment, I’ll transfer you to the reception desk and take your call up there.”

(As I hang up the phone, it disconnects the call. The guest, however, thinks he is still on hold, and keeps his phone off the hook. I get back to reception and am unable to call him back, as the line is busy, so I run up to his room on the top floor.)

Me: *knocking on the door* “Hello! It’s [My Name] from reception! Sorry, but we were disconnected.”

Guest: *not even opening the door* “What?”

Me: “We got disconnected so I wasn’t able to transfer your call.”

Guest: “Are you on the phone?!”

Me: “No… I’m outside your door!”

Guest: *still not opening the door* “Well… can you transfer me to Mr. Smith’s room?”

Me: “Not from here! But you can call him by dialing his room number, 114.”

Guest: “hrrrumph…”

Your Tip Is Toast

| Bonn, Germany | Working | November 27, 2016

(This happened to my parents in the 80s. They are at a table in the half-empty dining room, waiting to be served breakfast. The waitress comes and puts their plates down with two slices of toast for each of them and some spreads. When my parents try to order more toast this happens.)

Mom: “Hello, could we have some more toast, please?”

Waitress: *curt* “No.”

Mom: “We are willing to pay if that costs extra.”

Waitress: “You shouldn’t eat so much toast. It makes you constipated.”

(My parents left and bought some pastries at a nearby bakery.)

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