Dating Peter Griffin

| Romantic | January 13, 2012

(My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. After spending a long weekend together, we are saying goodbye to each other.)

Me: “I really don’t want to say goodbye.”

Boyfriend: “Goodbye’s not the right word. It sounds too permanent; we’ll see each other again in a couple of weeks.”

Me: “So, what’s the word?”

Boyfriend: *pauses* “BIRD, BIRD, BIRD! BIRD IS THE WORD!”

(He looks at me expectantly whilst I stand there bewildered.)

Boyfriend: “*Um…I mean…‘see you soon’ would’ve sounded nicer.”


1 Thumbs

The Art Of Ignorance

| Right | January 7, 2012

(I’m working as concierge in a popular hotel in the city. At this time, there is a popular exhibition at the National Art Gallery featuring a number of Renaissance artists. I’ve just sold some tickets to a woman in her 40s.)

Guest: “Thank you for these. I just love the classics!”

Me: “Yes, the Renaissance exhibition is getting very popular.”

Guest: “Still, it’s not as exciting as that French artist…What’s his name? Oh, Machiavelli!”

Me: *confused* “Oh, you mean Monet?”

Guest: *angry* “No! I mean MACHIAVELLI! Jeez, why am I even explaining this to a concierge?! It isn’t like you guys even understand what art is!” *walks off haughtily*

1 Thumbs

Misery Demands Company, Part 3

| Right | January 4, 2012

(A guest approaches the check-in window at 5:30 a.m.)

Me: “Good morning! How are you?”

Guest: “My wife wants to use the bathroom. She’s in there now.”

Me: “Oh, alright, no problem! If there’s anything I can help you with, let me know.”

Guest: “Are you happy?”

Me: “Yes I am, sir! I’m always happy.”

Guest: “Well, you shouldn’t be! It’s too early! Stop smiling! Now!”


1 Thumbs

The Great State Of Confusion, Part 2

| Right | December 13, 2011

Guest: “So, where are you from?”

Me: “I’m from Missouri.”

Guest: “Really?! My wife has some family up there! It’s in Ohio, right?”

Me: *speechless*

Guest: “Oh, wait. That’s a state, isn’t it?”


1 Thumbs

The Notified And The (Not)ified

| Right | November 14, 2011

Caller: “I have a reservation! I know I have one!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I don’t appear to have one under your name. Is there another name it could be under?”

Caller: “NO! I have a reservation!”

Me: “May I ask how you booked your reservation?”

Caller: “I don’t know, but I have one!”

Me: “Okay, did you book it online? Call the hotel or choice? did you come to the hotel and book it?”

Caller: “No, I didn’t do any of those things but I know I have a reservation.”

Me: “Could anyone else have made the reservation for you? Perhaps a travel agency?”

Caller: “No, but I have a reservation! I know I do.”

Me: “Do you have a confirmation number I could look it up with?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Ma’am, if you didn’t book a reservation, and no one booked it for you, I don’t think you could possibly have a reservation. But, I would love to make you a reservation. In fact, I can make it right now. I’ll just need to get some information from you.”

Caller: “No, I do not give out my information. I have a reservation!” *hangs up*

1 Thumbs