Probably Thinks You Were Born Yesterday

| Related | March 30, 2012

(My son and his family are visiting from out of state, and various friends have gathered in their hotel room. One is talking to his little girl.)

Relative: “How old are you?”

(The little girl peers up under her bangs and holds up four fingers.)

Relative: “And when will you be five?”

(The little girl looks up at him like he’s an idiot.)

Little girl: *with great patience* “On my birthday.”

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Pay Me Up, Scotty

| Right | March 26, 2012

Caller: “I would like to make a reservation.”

Me: “Sure, we require a one night advance deposit to reserve a room. What type of card will you be using?”

Caller: “I would like to pay that in cash.”

Me: “I am sorry, sir. I am unable to take a cash payment over the phone.”

Caller: “I called yesterday and was told that you accept cash.”

Me: “That is correct, sir, we do accept cash. However you must be present to pay cash.”

Caller: “But I have the cash right here!”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, I am unable to take cash through the phone. I will either need a credit card number, or you are more than welcome to come to the hotel when you arrive and pay cash.”

Caller: “Ugh, fine. Here is my credit card number!”


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No Sea To See

| Related | March 18, 2012

(I’ve just been on a trip to China and Taiwan. I flew to Beijing, took a train to Shanghai, and flew to Taipei. This conversation takes place when calling my mum from Taipei.)

Mum: “That was so fast! I expected 8 hours.”

Me: “I took a plane.”

Mum: “I thought you were taking the train.”

Me: “Only from Beijing to Shanghai. How do you take a train across the ocean?”

Mum: “What ocean?”

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Jacket Of All Trades

| Right | February 16, 2012

(For a small period of time during training for a new job, I worked 2nd shift at a chain hotel, then immediately worked 3rd shift at my new job at a four-star hotel. A guest returns to my desk a few minutes after checking in at the chain hotel.)

Guest: “This hotel is not acceptable! My room looks nothing like I saw on the website! There’s no way I’m staying here!”

Me: “I’m sorry we don’t meet your standards, ma’am. I would be glad to check you out at no fee.”

Guest: “Good! I’m going to find a place to stay that’s actually acceptable!”

(She storms off. Later that evening, I go to my 3rd shift job. All I need to do is put on a suit jacket over the shirt and tie I have on for the 1st job. Skip ahead to about 6:30 AM the next morning. The same guest approaches me at the front desk of the four-star hotel.)

Guest: *without recognizing me* “Checking out.”

Me: “You made the right choice, ma’am.”

Guest: “Excuse me?”

(I open my suit jacket a bit to show her the name tag I still have on underneath, from the first hotel, clearly displaying its logo.)

Me: “I hope everything was better for you here instead, ma’am. I prefer it more, too.”

Guest: *clearly embarrassed* “Oh, yeah, it was. Thanks.”

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The Sweetest Deal

| Related | February 14, 2012

(We just got back from the store, and my 2-year old knows we bought some candy.)

Daughter: “Want candy!”

Mother: “Okay, but just a little.”

Daughter: “No want just a little!”

Mother: “How much do you want?”

Daughter: *after a pause to consider the question* “Want too much.”

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