(I work in a hotel. A customer in his 20s comes up with a foolish grin.)

Customer: “Hi! I’m Dr. [Customer] and I would like a taxi!”

(I arrange a taxi to for him to come. He disappears. When the taxi arrives, he’s nowhere to be found. I call his room.)

Me: “Hello, your taxi is here.”

Customer: “Okay, then!”

(Usually, people come running so as not to make the taxi wait. FIFTEEN MINUTES later, just seconds before the taxi is about to leave, the guy comes out whistling, with that big cheesy grin on his face.)

Customer: “Thank you! Have a gooooood day!”

Me: “Mhm, you, too…”

(The taxi driver drives him off. Later, the taxi driver comes back comes back to me.)

Driver: “Yes, this for Dr. [Customer]; he left his iPhone in my cab. Please give to him.”

(I take it and put it away safely. A few hours later, the same guy comes up again.)

Customer: “Hi! I’m Dr. [Customer], and a taxi driver should’ve left something for me.”

Me: “Yes, hold on.”

(I returned it and he walked away, whistling. He returned, complaining that his key wasn’t working. I reprogrammed it, and he said that it still didn’t work, all the while still whistling. I had a housekeeper help him. He’d been putting the key in backwards! I didn’t know whether to be annoyed or be glad that he’s not my doctor!)

Did you find this story using our Taxi Diver roundup?

Click here to read the next story!

Click here to get back to the roundup!

(Our hotel is right by the airport, so most of our guests are people coming in on flights from other parts of the country. A lot of the time, people who are arriving in a few days will call ahead to get the layout of the area and local attractions.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, my husband and I will be staying there next week, and we wanted to know how far it is to the Empire State Building.”

Me: *mild shock and general speechlessness* “Uh, ma’am, we are about six hours from New York City.”

Caller: *scoffs at my apparent stupidity* “Well, I am looking at it right now on the Google, and it says that your hotel is only a 20-minute walk from the Empire State building.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you that you would not be able to walk from our hotel in Upstate New York to New York City, which is about 300 miles away.”

Caller: “Well, I don’t think you have any idea where you live. And I think that you are an idiot. I just talked to my husband, and he is sure that when he booked the room it said it was close to downtown.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, we are very close to downtown Rochester. Not downtown Manhattan. The two are very far apart.”

Caller: “You’re an idiot and we will be staying somewhere else, where people know how far it is to the places around them.”

(At this point, I was simply too dumbstruck to know what else to say, so I just told her to have a nice day and that I was sorry we couldn’t help her. She ended up calling back a few days later and screaming at the manager of my hotel, who also told her we were not within walking distance of the Empire State Building.)

This story is part of our New York City roundup!

Read the next New York City roundup story!

Read the New York City roundup!

(I work at a hotel, in the United States. A customer with a heavy scowl thrusts his tablet at me.)

Customer: “You fix Internet!”

Me: “Umm.”

(I take the tablet, and it’s ALL in Arabic.)

Me: “Uh, this is in Arabic. I can’t read it.”

Customer: “You fix!”

Me: “I can’t; I can’t understand Arabic.”

Customer: “No, you fix!”

(I try to explain to him that I can’t fix his Internet because I can’t understand his tablet. He doesn’t listen. I give up and press a few things here and there. The screen turns a weird dark color, and it looks as if viruses are being downloaded.)

Me: “Er… Sorry, I can’t.”

(He took the tablet back and stormed off, looking upset. Later, he wrote an email to the general manager, all in Arabic. The general manager didn’t bother translating it, thank goodness.)

(It’s about seven am and I’m about to finish my night shift, when a guest walks out of the elevator and into the lobby.)

Me: “Good morning, sir!”

Guest: “Coffee.”

Me: “…”

(I am a front desk employee at [Hotel]. We have just closed down the pool for cleaning, because some kid defecated in it. A lady comes up, dragging her kid behind her.)

Customer: “Where is the pool? I had it booked for noon to one.”

Me: “The pool is closed, ma’am. We have to clean it.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I want to swim!”

Me: “I am sorry, but we cannot let anyone in the pool right now.”

Customer: “But it is empty! You must have cleared them out so I can swim!”

Me: “No, ma’am, no one is allowed in right now.”

Customer: “I know! Why do you think I s*** in it in the first place?”

(Security eventually had to escort the lady out, and she is now banned from all [Hotel] properties.)