Nonsensical Hypotheticals, Part 2

, | Right | May 6, 2008

Hotel Guest: “Is there a way to take the phone off the hook so that it doesn’t ring?”

Me: “Well, you could always… take the phone off the hook, so that it doesn’t ring. But, yes, I can put the phone on a do not disturb so that you won’t get any calls.”

Hotel Guest: “I want to take a half-hour nap, so I don’t want the phone to ring. But I want to be able to get calls later.”

Me: “I understand, sir, I’ll be sure not to transfer any calls to your room for the next half hour.”

Hotel Guest: “But what if one of the people in my group wants to reach me?”

Me: “Would you like me to only allow calls from inside the hotel?”

Hotel Guest: “No, I want to take a nap.”

Me: “So, you want me to make sure that you don’t get any calls for the next half hour, but if anyone calls, you want them to be able to reach you?”

Hotel Guest: *confused* “Yes.”

Me: “I understand, sir. I’ll take care of it.”


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Must Be From The Valley

, , | Right | May 1, 2008

(Let it be known that there are only two ways to get to Catalina Island: by boat or by helicopter.)

Me: “[Hotel]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’d like to make a reservation. And when’s the earliest we can check in?”

Me: “Normally not until noon but we may be able to make an exception. When is your boat scheduled to arrive?”

Customer: “Oh, no, we’re not coming by boat.”

Me: “Okay, helicopter, then?”

Customer: “Oh, no, that’s silly.”

Me: “Well, may I ask how your planning to get here?”

Customer: “Down the 405, duh!”

Me: “I’m sorry, you can’t drive to Catalina Island.”

Customer: “You can’t?”

Me: “No, it’s an island. You know, surrounded by water.”

Customer: “Catalina Island is an ISLAND?!”

Me: *headdesk*


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Yes, They Really Are That Dumb

| Right | April 10, 2008

(I have a line of guests at the front desk waiting to check in, but I can’t ignore the phone ringing. I saw that it was an inside call from a room and I answer it, hoping this will be quick. I’m used to stupid questions but this was the best.)

Me: “Guest services, how may I help you?”

Guest: “Yes, how do you work the television?”

Me, without missing a beat: “There should be a remote control on the nighttable in between the two beds in your room. On it, there should be a circular orange button that says “POWER”. Push it and the TV should turn on.”

(At this point, the young couple in front of me is laughing.)

Guest: “Okay, what do I do then?”

Me: “Well, once the TV is on, you can push the yellow arrow buttons that say ‘channel’ to find the station you’d like to watch. Would you like to know where the channel listing is in your room?”

Guest: “No, but thanks. I’ll give it a try.”

Me: “My pleasure.” *hangs up*

Young couple, still laughing: “Are you serious?”

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Getting Your Priorities Straight

, , , , | Right | March 25, 2008

(A guest approaches the hotel front desk.)

Guest: “Um, hi… it looks like there was a pretty bad accident right down the street there…”

Me: “Oh okay, I’ll call 911.”

Guest: “It looks like a cab and a bus.”

Me: “Okay, thank you.” *picks up the phone*

Guest: What are you doing?

Me: “Calling 911.”

Guest: “Look, a lot of people have cell phones, I’m sure it’s fine. What I’m concerned about is that I think that was my cab.”

Me: “…?”


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Magical Little Computers

| Right | March 4, 2008

Caller: “Yes, I would like a room for tonight.”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry. We are completely sold out.”

Caller: “Really!? I can’t believe that.”

Me: “I’m sorry. We truly do not have any rooms to sell.”

Caller: “Can I be put on a waiting list?”

Me: “No, we do not do waiting lists.”

Caller: “Who has rooms then?”

Me: “I would try **** and ****. They may still have rooms available.”

Caller: “You mean you don’t know?”

Me: “Um… no. I’m sorry I do not.”

Caller: “Well book me a room at one of those then!”

Me: “Yeah… there is no way for me to do that. I can give you their phone numbers though.”

Caller: “Why can’t you just book them for me? Use your fingers at your little computer and get me a room!”

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