(I am working the front desk at a very nice hotel. It is a slow morning, but we are completely booked for the next few days. A diamond member — the highest rewards tier — calls in to request a room. We have no availability at all when this conversation takes place.)

Me: “Thank you for calling the award winning [Hotel]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I’d like to book a room for tonight, for three days.”

Me: “Yes, sir, let me see what we have available!”

(I know we don’t have anything available, but we are supposed to pause and at least act like we are looking.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but it looks like we are all sold out tonight, tomorrow, and the next day. If you’d like, I can definitely put you on a wait list.”

Caller: “But I am a diamond member; don’t you have anything for diamond members?”

Me: “No, sir, we don’t have specific rooms for any level of the reward tier. Like I said, I can put you on a wait list and call you if anything becomes available.”

Caller: “But I’m a diamond member.”

Me: “I underst—”

Caller: “Can’t you cancel out someone’s reservation and make one for me?”

Me: “No, I am not going to cancel someone’s reservation that made it before you.”

Caller: “F*** you!”

(The caller hung up and I made myself a strong cup of tea.)

(I work at a hotel as a housekeeper; at this hotel I clean rooms and a couple of the main bathrooms. My manager asked me out on a date a month ago and I turned him down; since then, he has been on my case, trying to get me in trouble in whatever way possible. He slips in to inspect a bathroom after I have cleaned it. I have also used this bathroom and I am having that time of month. During my period, I have to use a pad AND a tampon. I put them into the feminine hygiene box, clean my hands, and take my paper towel with me back to my cart. He sees that the feminine box has stuff in it and that there is no trash. He assumes I didn’t change the bag out. He comes up to me while I’m also talking to a coworker.)

Manager: “You didn’t change the bag in the feminine box; you really need to do that. You haven’t been doing it lately!”

Me: “I have been changing the bags, and I also changed them today.”

Manager: “No, you didn’t! The hygiene box in the lobby was full of stuff!”

(I hesitate, but decide to admit to my sin of having a vagina that bleeds occasionally.)

Me: “Well, I am a woman, as you can see. Like most women, I bleed once a month. I changed the bag, but then had to change out my pad and tampon.”

Manager: *he goes red but then tries to redeem himself* “Why did you use the bathroom after you cleaned it?”

Me: “I had to use it after because my blood was starting to stain out.”

(He walks away like a dog with his tail between his legs.)

Coworker: *sarcastically* “Have you no shame?”

Me: “Nope, I also give zero f***s.”

(I’m the dumb worker in this story. Our hotel abuts some woods, so we will occasionally see some small animals around the outdoor dumpsters. One such visitor has been seen frequently enough so that our overnight security guard has actually jokingly named it. I come in for my overnight shift when we have an event going on in the back, and they have hired some police officers for extra security. The officers come up to my desk for something.)

Me: “Evening! How are you guys doing tonight?”

Officer #1: “Oh, all right, I guess. It’s been quiet, mostly.”

Me: “Only mostly?”

Officer #2: “Well, we had to help one of your banquet workers who found an opossum when she was taking out the trash, so that was a new one.”

Me: *laughing* “Oh, you mean Sparkles? He’s around here a lot; I guess she doesn’t like opossums!”

(The officers give each other, and then me, a strange look.)

Officer #2: “Er… Yeah… I mean, really, we probably should have called animal control, but we managed to wrangle it out the door ourselves, so…”

Me: *realization dawning* “Wait… It was inside the hotel?!”

Officer #1: “Yeah, in one of the trash cans; when someone went to pull the bag it started moving around. Is that normal?”

Me: “Oh, my God, no! We see that opossum out by the dumpsters all the time, but not inside!“

(Thankfully they understood and laughed with me about it, but I was mortified for accidentally implying that a wild animal inside the building was a typical occurrence!)

My cousin is having a destination wedding in Mexico, and we’re all staying in the same resort. I am underage at this point, so I’m assigned with the task of watching over my brother who’s been drinking. He ends up getting way more drunk than I have ever seen him, before or since. My brother, mother, father, and I are all in the same room. My brother is so drunk that he’s wrapped himself around the toilet and refuses to move. It’s around this time our ceiling starts leaking.

My dad dreads calling the front desk, since they have been nothing but a pain the whole time. They’ve been trying to force my parents into a timeshare meeting, and pushing upgrades we don’t want. They also have a habit of disappearing whenever we need help. My dad reluctantly decides to call after a couple of puddles start forming. The front desk starts asking if we would like to upgrade for an additional cost, and my dad keeps telling them he just wants to switch rooms. They then tell him they only have upgrades available, and they will waive the cost if he goes to the timeshare meeting. Being exhausted and just wanting a dry place to sleep, my dad agrees.

We are all woken up around two am to change our room. My brother is still passed out in the bathroom, and we can’t open the door to get him out. It takes him quite a while to figure out how to stand up and get out of the bathroom, and at this point the man from the front desk is fairly annoyed. We all pack up and start on our journey down the hall. We’re not even two doors down from our room when my brother spots a trash can, and immediately makes a run for it and makes a disgustingly loud display of getting sick. The front desk attendant is mortified and just tries to move things along. My brother stops at every single trash can he can find to repeat his display. I eventually can’t help but laugh, and this irritates the front desk attendant even more.

Finally we make it to the end of the very long hallway and to the final hurdle: the elevator. My brother immediately goes pale and starts shaking his head, but we have no idea where we’re going, so we have to follow the attendant. We end up going up three stories, and we are all deadly silent, just waiting for the inevitable moment. Somehow, my brother holds out, and as soon as the door opens he expels into the trash can waiting outside the elevator. The front desk attendant is now shaking with anger, but still says nothing. We finally manage to get to our room, my brother curls around the toilet, my dad tips the man, and all is good.

The next morning, my dad goes to the front desk to discuss the timeshare meeting. He is then told that all fees have been waived, but he can still go to the timeshare to get credit for the gift shop, which he decides to do, anyway, since he had planned around it. He also asks if they discovered the cause of the leak in our ceiling. Turns out the girls above us got wasted, ran their jacuzzi, and then fell asleep. The jacuzzi flooded their room and leaked down to us. They then let him know, with quite a bit of disdain, that the girls above us happened to be the maid of honor and a couple bridesmaids from our party. They were my cousins. Turns out none of my family can hold their liquor, but the hotel staff didn’t bother us anymore.

I work third shift for a medium-sized hotel. Around three am, while doing security rounds, I find a guest room door open. From the doorway I can see one of the lamps and the phone are broken and strewn about the room, and there is no guest in the room.

The room also appears to have been ransacked, clothes and personal belongings thrown all over. I call the desk and have them call local police, and stand by until a officer arrives.

Ten minutes later the officer and I enter the room. He finds pills and marijuana on the table. While the officer is investigating, a guy eating a powdered doughnut and wearing nothing but underwear comes to the door. The officer asks him if he is the occupant of the room and the guy just grunts at the officer, enters the room, puts on a pair of pants, and crawls into the bed.

He refuses to follow the officer’s directions and is detained. The guy starts yelling and swearing while in the meantime, a second officer arrives, as well as the guy’s girlfriend and father. The father explains that they are at the hotel for his daughter’s wedding and I need to make the officers go away.

After being screamed at that I am destroying his daughter’s wedding, he wants to know how much it is going to cost to get the officers to go away while pulling his wallet out. One of the officers informs him that what he is planning to do could land him right next to his son at the jail. The father then wants to speak to the general manager who I have already called and is on his way in.

Normally, we would have filed a police report and that would have been the end, but both the son and the father had caused such a ruckus that the son was trespassed and the police charged him with obstruction and possession of more than a pound of pot. The father was removed from property the next night because he got drunk at his daughter’s wedding and became abusive with not only hotel staff but also his family members. His excuse for his actions was that the hotel was working with the government to ruin his daughter’s wedding because he knows too much.