Crushing It In Cougar Town

, , , , , , , | | Friendly | June 10, 2019

(I am a software engineer. I’ve just accepted a contract for work in my hometown and am traveling back for the first time in a decade. I don’t use social media so no one there really knows what I’ve been up to unless I was close to them. While doing basic research for the contract while on my flight, the client’s name sounds familiar, and basic snooping reveals she’s the mother of a former classmate. Thinking I can have a chuckle with the client later, I brush it aside and don’t even notice a familiar face checking me into the hotel later.)

Former Classmate: “Okay, so I have a room for [My Name]… Wait. Are you [My Name] that went to [School]?”

Me: “Huh? Oh, s***! [Former Classmate]?! Oh, h*** no… Someone has to be pranking me right now.”

Former Classmate: “Well, that’s not what I’d expect after not seeing me since high school!”

Me: “Sorry. You’re just the last person I expected to run into randomly while I was in town for work. I didn’t even know you got into the hotel business.”

Former Classmate: “That’s fair enough. What are you doing for work, then?”

Me: “Oh, this and that. I go wherever they send me and do what I need to do really.”

(We talk for a good half hour, catching up on what’s been happening in town and what mutual friends are up to.)

Former Classmate: “I hope you enjoy your time back in town! Maybe we can grab dinner and get a bunch of us back together!”

Me: “Sounds fun! Hope it doesn’t get weird, though. I’m in town to see your mom! Ha!”

(I walk away while she gives me a look of horror. I think nothing of it, but she seems to avoid me for the entire time I’m there. A few days before I leave, her mom takes me out to a fancy dinner for my work — a common thing — and brings me back to the hotel. When she learns where I’m staying, she tells me about her daughter. I tell her I’m a former classmate, and she decides to come in and have a laugh with her daughter about it.)

Former Classmate: *seeing us walk in* “OH, GOD, MOM! PLEASE, NOT WHERE I WORK!”

Client: “What? I just wanted to say hi and bring [My Name] back to his hotel.”


Me: “Whoa! Wait, what?!”


Me: “WHAT?!”

([Former Classmate] ran to the back crying. Turns out, my client was a cougar and she and her daughter had very similar taste in men. When I told her I was here to “see your mom,” she thought I was a male prostitute and couldn’t bring herself to look at me. After her manager brought her back out, I showed her my business card to prove I was NOT sleeping with her mom.)

A Very Bear-able Service

, , , | | Hopeless | June 5, 2019

(I am staying at a large — several hundred rooms — four-star hotel in central Berlin, co-organising a congress for over 800 people. Our crew, including technicians, artists, and the like, could very well be sixty-something people. We almost take over the entire hotel for four days because we have rented all of the conference rooms, and our boss has requested that we get breakfast served earlier than usual — 5:30 — so that we can get to work early preparing everything. Needless to say, we are known. I am twenty-five at the time. I’m my boss’s second-in-command, a translator and interpreter in a foreign country working for a crew that does not know the local language. Through this, I get to know almost all of the hotel staff and I am very much known, too, because whenever something needs doing or taking care of, I am the one to contact anybody else in the hotel, and vice-versa; whenever anyone from the hotel wants anything from us, they come to me. This is the last day, it’s three or four am, the congress is almost over, and the people are just dancing in the main congress hall. I see my boss asleep at the sound mixing table, so I figured I’m permitted to hit the sack myself. I take the long elevator ride and walk up to my room, only to find that my key card is not working. I find my way down to the reception. Mind you, it’s been a very long few days.)

Me: *very tired* “Hello. My card seems to not be working anymore. Could you recode it for me?”

Clerk: *definitely older than my father* “Certainly. What is your room number?”

Me: “Room [number].”

Clerk: “Here you go. Can I get you anything?”

(I pause. At first, I don’t say anything; I don’t move because I am so very tired. The clerk is very, very polite with me. I notice a shelf with memorabilia from Berlin. As is the usual case with hotels, they are all VERY pricey. I notice a small teddy bear costing 32 Euros, which is a small fortune for me at the time, but I want to bring home something nice.)

Me: “Yes. Could I see that little bear, please?”

Clerk: *hands me the bear* “Here you are.”

Me: *looking at the bear, then slowly* “I will take it. Please sell it to me. I will pay cash.”

(The clerk takes the teddy bear from my hands, looks at it, and looks at me, and I don’t know why, but he says:)

Clerk: “I’m giving it to you as a gift.”

Me: *almost too tired to be surprised* “Really? Thank you very much, sir. Have a good night.”

(I walked off, very much stunned. The staff at this hotel were always very, very helpful. I felt the clerk took pity on me because I was so beat up, and he really didn’t have to make that gesture, but he did.)

Unfiltered Story #152544

, , | | Unfiltered | June 2, 2019

Guest calls on their drive from LA to the Hotel.

Guest: Hi I need to speak to the manager.

Me: (Uh oh) I’m sorry, the manager is busy, can I help you with something?

Guest: Are YOU the manager?

Me: No, but I’m sure I can help you wi…

Guest: Well I need to speak to the manager because I have a very important request I need to know that the room has been inspected!

Me: Why yes, the rooms were just cleaned a few hours ago…

Guest: NO! I don’t need to know if they are clean, I need to know if they are inspected!?!

Me: (We are a new hotel…) Well ma’am we did just open and I can assure you all the rooms are in perfect condition. And our contracting consultant is still here on a regular basis.

Guest: I DON’T CARE WHAT CONDITION THE ROOMS ARE IN. Do you not understand me? I need my room inspected by your general manager! (SCREAMING) DO YOU HEAR ME!?!

At this point, I take a message for the GM who has talked to this lady several times. We go inspect the room, which of course is perfect…and the lady never said what she wanted inspected or why…but it had to be inspected…

So THEN, she arrives and wanders around the lobby, not speaking to anyone…until another guest arrives…then she comes up and interrupts my co-worker and demands to see the manager and claims that we ignored he because she wasn’t ‘Anglo’…

So we get her checked in, the GM takes her to her room personally…thankfully she stopped after that…

A Disturbing Lack Of Understanding of How Hotels Work

, , , , , | | Right | May 31, 2019

(I love my aunt, I really do, but sometimes she doesn’t grasp the concepts of customer service, as the only job she’s had is being a teacher for high-schoolers. I have to call her out on her complaints about customer service; this one I particularly remember. She’s visiting my family in Denver; she and her husband are staying at a hotel nearby. They pick me up one day to go shopping, and we are riding in the car.)

Aunt: “I’m so pissed off at the hotel. We are not getting what we are paying for.”

Me: “What happened?”

Aunt: “They didn’t clean our room while we were out yesterday.”

Me: “That’s weird.”

Aunt: “We had to call down and ask for clean towels.”

Me: “Did you complain?”

Aunt: “Yes, but they said we had our ‘do not disturb’ sign on the knob to our room.”

Me: “Well, did you?”

Aunt: “Yes.”

Me: “Did you leave it there by accident?”

Aunt: “No, we wanted it there; we didn’t want to be disturbed.”

Me: “So, you’re mad they obeyed the ‘do not disturb’ sign?”

Aunt: “They should clean the room!”

Children Sometimes Force Parents To Stay Together

, , , , | | Related | May 31, 2019

(I am with my parents in a cheap hotel. I am six and my parents are sleeping because of jet lag. I am still awake and decide to look under the bed. I find handcuffs! I decide to handcuff my parents together. When they wake up I am asleep in the next bed. Their panic wakes me up but I still look asleep. I know I am in trouble. I don’t remember what really happens, but they eventually get the handcuffs off and are about to talk to the hotel people.)

Me: “You got the handcuffs off!”

Parents: “…?”

Me: “…”

Parents: “What do you know about this?”

Me: “I found them under the bed.”

Parents: “You are lucky that those were just magic trick handcuffs so we got out of them easily!”

(It wasn’t until much later that I found out what those handcuffs were probably really used for despite the innocent manufacturer.)

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