If The Crazy Glove Fits…

, , , , , | Right | August 7, 2018

(I work as hotel security. We get a call from a guest saying he wants to see me.)

Me: “Hello, sir, I’m Officer [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Guest: “Hey, I found these gloves on the floor in the hall.” *points to six winter gloves*

Me: “Okay, I can take those to lost and found.”

Guest: “No, I’m really upset. I mean, why would anyone leave gloves outside my door like that?”

(This is a new one.)

Me: “Well, somebody might have dropped them, or they left the gloves at the wrong room.”

Guest: “I want you to call the police. With everything going on, I’m really upset about this.”

Me: “Really? They’re… The police aren’t going to come for some gloves. I can take them to lost and found, but…”

Guest: “No, I want you to call the police.”

(Policy is to contact our patrol before the police, and this is too stupid to not share. On the way over, the responding officer says I need to be more of a d**k.)

Patrol Officer: “Hello, sir, what’s the problem?”

Guest: “Well, I found these gloves outside my door, and I want to call the police.”

Patrol Officer: “They’re not going to come. If you call them, they will laugh at you. We can take the gloves to lost and found, but otherwise there’s nothing else I can do.”

Guest: “No, I’ll keep them. Good night.”

(Later, I got a call from a police officer. The guest went ahead and called them. The cop asked if I had it under control, and laughed when I told him I had everything in hand. I called the guest back, just to tell him the police were not going to respond to his call about gloves. I offered to take them off his hands again, but he insisted on holding on to them. I guess he thought that if they were dangerous, he was better trained or equipped than law enforcement.)

Her Eyes Are Going To Fall Out At This Rate

, , | Right | August 6, 2018

(Our rooms sell for about $60 on average. We are an extremely basic, no-frills motel. You get a bed, and a bathroom, and that’s it. A lady that is more well-dressed than the average customer walks to the desk. Her eyes are bulging out as she takes in our tiny lobby.)

Me: “Good morning.”

Customer: “I heard that there is free breakfast included?”

Me: “Right behind you.”

(She turns, and her eyes bulge out even more at our breakfast, which I admit, is pretty small; it’s just coffee and bagels. She takes tongs and pokes at a bagel, sniffs, and sets it down. Then she walks up to the desk again.)

Customer: “Do you have a comment card?”

(Comment cards are for the managers. I took one out and gave it to her, and she filled it out. I didn’t read it, but I told her that I’d give it to the manager, and she looked offended that I didn’t bother to read it. She left. In retrospect, I can see her point of view, but what did she expect from a MOTEL at less than $60 a night?)

Oh, Man!

, , , | Right | August 3, 2018

(I work in a hotel. It is early morning, and a woman dressed in old clothes comes up to the desk. Note that I’m a female.)

Woman: “Excuse me, but do you have any rooms? And what are the prices?”

(As I look at my computer, trying to get her a good deal, a man comes up behind her. He’s dressed in a suit. He glares at us, and then pushes past her. She looks shocked.)

Man: *to me* “Checking out.”

Me: “Um, excuse me, sir, but I was helping this woman. Please wait your turn.”

Man: “No! You both have to understand that we men are always first! Understand? Now, do your job, little lady, and get me my receipt!”

(The woman looks frightened and makes a gesture for me to serve him first, but I don’t like line-cutters, so I refuse. Then, the man screams so loud that my manager — also female — comes out.)

Manager: “What’s going on?!”

(I explained, and the man got even more agitated, frightening the woman away. The manager gave him his receipt, which he tore from her hand, and stomped off, yelling about females. Later, the hotel received a complaint about us women not serving him right. Luckily, I wasn’t punished for it.)

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A Forgotten Sign Of The Times

, , | Right | August 2, 2018

(I work in a hotel. A young woman who looks no more than twenty walks up.)

Guest: “Checkout, please.”

(We go through the checkout process. I print out her receipt and she frowns.)

Guest: “Um… This is wrong. I have a special rate of [amount], because I’m with [Grocery Store].”

Me: “Okay.”

(I bring out her registration form that she signed when she checked in.)

Me: “Is this your signature?”

Guest: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, your signature says that you’ve agreed to pay [more expensive rate].”

Guest: *doe eyes* “But I’m with the group!”

Me: “But you’ve agreed to pay this.”

Guest: “Um… I forgot. I was in a hurry.”

Me: *sighs*

(I guess her parents didn’t teach her to read things before she signed them!)

“How Are You” Is Implied

, , , , , , | Related | August 2, 2018

(My mom works at hotel near a movie theater. I go to see a movie one day and then meet her at the hotel so she can drive me home.)

Me: “Hey, Mom!”

Mom: “Hey, bunnie!”

Me: “Good. How are you?”

Mom: “I didn’t ask that.”

(I promptly walked off down the hallway to sit on the floor and think about my actions.)

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