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In A Butter Bother

| Clute, TX, USA | Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging

(I am the customer. I have brought peanut butter and bread to a hotel room, but have not brought a knife. Looking around the room, I have found a ballpoint pen, and am intending to use it as a spreader. My cousin, who I am sharing the room with, asks:)

Cousin: “Are you sure that’s sanitary?”

Me: “I’ll check.”

(I call the front desk.)

Front Desk: “Hello?”

Me: “Hi. How sanitary are your pens?”

Front Desk: “What?”

Me: “The pens. The ballpoint pens. I’m seeing if I can use them as peanut butter spreaders.”

Front Desk: “I don’t know. Some people take them home, and some of them just come off a cart… We have butter knives!”

Me: “Are they complimentary?”

Front Desk: “Sure.”

Me: “Can you send them up?”

Front Desk: “Sure.”

(They did!)

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Doctor “Do Not Disturb”

| USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

(A customer comes up to the desk in the morning and informs us that his toilet is broken, and tells us to look at it. Hours later, the customer comes back and informs us very impolitely that his toilet is still broken.)

Me: “I do apologize for that, sir… but when our maintenance man went up to fix it, he was stopped by a Do Not Disturb sign on your door.”

Customer: *rolls eyes and throw hands up exaggeratedly* “THAT was for the housekeeper, not the maintenance man! I put it up because I didn’t want my room cleaned! Obviously, I want my toilet fixed!”

Me: “I apologize, Mr. [Customer], but it is our policy not to disturb guests who do not want to be disturbed. We could get into trouble if we did.”

Customer: *waving hands in air* “It’s Doctor [Customer]! I have a PhD! So, now you want to blame me for my toilet not being fixed, and you don’t even address me right?! You know what I’m going to do? Complain on the customer complaint line about how poorly run this hotel is! Yessirree!”

Me: “Ok, sir….”

Customer: “I’m a doctor, not a ‘sir’!” *storms off*

(He did complain and his complaints were laughed off.)

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Customers Like This Is Why You Need A Holiday

| Germany | Crazy Requests, Holidays, Hotels & Lodging

(Every year, we close the hotel for our annual holiday for 4-5 weeks mid-November to mid-December. This is widely published everywhere. We have a promotion with a well-known tour operator who issues vouchers for a menu for two. We get very little money for these vouchers, but it is good publicity and people have to book in advance for a date that suits both parties.)

Caller: “I have a voucher from [Tour Company], and I would like to book a table for [date].”

Me: “Sorry, that date is during our annual holiday. The hotel is closed at that time.”

Caller: “But I so wanted to come and eat at your restaurant.”

Me: “Sorry, we are closed at that time of year; can I offer you a booking for another date?”

Caller:“No, I want that date. Why is that not possible?”

Me: “The hotel is dark and cold, there are no supplies, the cold storage and everything is switched off, and the staff is on holiday.”

Caller: “Well, can’t you come back from holiday and open the restaurant for me?”

Me: “Sorry, but it is just logistically not possible.”

Caller:“That is lousy customer service. I demand you open your restaurant for me on that date I want.”

Me: “You expect me to fly back from Turkey on day eight of my two-week sightseeing tour, to reopen the hotel especially so you can have dinner with your voucher?”

Caller: “Yes! Now, that was not so hard, was it?”

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Take That Complaint Where The Sun Don’t Shine

| Puerto de Alcúdia, Balearic Islands, Spain | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Tourists/Travel

(I am working the night-shift at the reception desk of a hotel. In come a family of four to check-in. Everything goes well, until, 15 minutes later, the father comes back.)

Customer: “I’m sorry, but you have to give us another room. This is not what we’ve booked.”

Me: *after having checked the information on the arrival’s sheet* “Well, you booked sea-view, and that room has full frontal sea-view.”

Customer: “No, we have no view at all. We are looking at a pitch black wall.”

Me: “Maybe that’s because it’s two o’clock in the morning.”

Customer: “Oh! So, tomorrow we are going to have sea-view?”

Me: “Yes, as soon as the sun rises you will have the most beautiful, unobstructed sea-view.”

Customer: “Oh, okay! Thanks.”

(The customer retreated a little more hastily than normal.)

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The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 3

| USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

Customer: *on phone* “Say, can we pay with a gift card?”

(I recall that people have paid with a gift card.)

Me: “As long as when I swipe it, it goes through.”

Customer: “Great!”

(Hours later…)

Customer: “Hi! Here’s my card!”

(I swipe it and it says declined.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but it was declined. You’ll have to pay it another way.”

Customer: “But you said that I could use it!”

Me: “If it goes through, I said.”

Customer: “Details, schmetails…”

Related:
The Gift Card That Keeps Giving, Part 2
The Gift Card That Keeps Giving

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