Can’t Keep Up With The Joneses

| Right | July 22, 2010

Customer: “I want to look at my final bill.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Your room number?”

Customer: *already angry by the question* “331!”

Me: *looking at the name on the room* “331. Ms. Jones?”

Customer: “Yeah! What’s the charge?”

Me: “It’s $434.67.”

Customer: “What! That’s insane! What did you people do? It should only be a hundred dollars!”

Me: “Your bill shows a number of movie charges and quite a few items from our market here. It is 331, right, Ms. Jones?”

Customer: “That’s insane! What did you do?! I knew this was going to happen! I knew you were going to try and cheat us and we wouldn’t know it till we got home!  I read on the internet that hotels always do this! Print that bill up right now! I’m going to sue you with it!”

Me: “I’m sorry about  the confusion, Ms. Jones. Here’s your bill.  Let me get my manager so we can look over this and figure out the problem.”

(As my manager approaches, she grabs the bill out of my hand so hard she tears part of it.)

Me: “Here you are, Ms. Jones. And here’s my manager.”

Customer: *looking at bill* “This isn’t me!”

Me: “You are not Ms. Jones, in 331?”

Customer: “No! What is wrong with you?!” *turning to my manager* “Why do you let idiots work here?!”

Manager: “Ma’am, what is your last name?”

(The customer rattles off a long, hyphenated name that could not be further from Jones if she tried.)

Manager: “Then I have to ask why, when my employee asked you if you were Ms. Jones, did you say yes?”

Customer: “I don’t get paid to know who I am!”

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Walking Tall, Risking Small

| Right | June 13, 2010

Guest: “How do I get to the mall from here?”

Me: “Oh, it’s really easy, sir. You just make a right out of our lot, and you come to a lighted intersection. Go straight through the light and you will be in the mall parking lot.”

Guest: “Alright, then.”

(The guest goes to walk there, and then comes back.)

Guest: “Are there no sidewalks here?”

Me: “Well, no, not really, but there’s a light to protect you. Our roads have really wide shoulders, so there’s plenty of room to walk.”

Guest: “Oh. So you really have to take you life into your hands to walk anywhere here, huh?”

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Unable To Order, Drunken Disorder

| Right | June 1, 2010

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you this evening?”

Customer: *visibly intoxicated* “I need a room.”

(After arguing with her for a good ten minutes about the cost per night, the customer settles on a standard room. A few hours later, she calls.)

Me: “Front desk.”

Customer: “My phone isn’t working.”

Me: “Are you sure?”

Customer: “Girl I am sure! My phone is not working.”

Me: “Is it not working when you are trying to dial out? Make sure you’re pressing ‘9’ before you dial the number you’re trying to reach.”

Customer: “No, I know that! I read that. It’s not working. No dial tone, nothing.”

Me: “Ma’am, aren’t you calling me from the room phone?”

*Silence for a moment.*

Customer: “While I’ve got you on here, can you order me ribs?”

Me: “From the restaurant next door?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m not required to do that. The number for the restaurant is in your guest directory found in the drawer of the desk in your room.”

Customer: “But my phone isn’t working!”

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Loonie Toonies

| Right | May 31, 2010

Me: “Good evening, sir. How can I help you?”

Guest: “I need change for $5.00 so I can leave the maid a tip.”

(The guest hands me a Canadian $5.00 bill and I open my register and take out a ‘toonie’ and three ‘loonies’ and hand it to the guest.)

Guest: *blank look* “What is this?”

Me: “That is change for $5.00.”

Guest: “Is this real?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Guest: “Are you kidding me?”

Me: “No, sir. I assure you that is Canadian change for five dollars.”

Guest: “Is the maid going to understand what this stuff is?”

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Smoking Rate Gets Smokers Irate

| Right | May 28, 2010

Customer: “I have a smoking fee on my bill but I didn’t smoke in the room!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, the security officer last night saw you with a lit cigarette in your hand when he went to your room last night.”

Customer: “Well, it wasn’t me! I didn’t smoke last night!”

Me: “I’m really sorry, but if anyone smoked in the room last night we have to charge you for it since it was your room.”

Customer: “But even if it wasn’t me?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Security said that someone was smoking in the room.”

Customer: “But I put it out right away! I didn’t smoke any more after that!”

Me: “So you did actually smoke in the room then?”

Customer: “Can I just pay half the fee since I only smoked half the cigarette?”

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