Just Tell ‘Em What They Want To Hear

, , , | | Right | August 1, 2008

Me: “Hello, and welcome to [Hotel]. How was the drive up here?”

Wife: “Oh, it was stunning! I have never seen such beautiful trees, and the water, such a pretty color in the lake!”

Husband: “It was a very nice drive indeed.”

Me: “Well, that’s great! We pride ourselves on our natural beauty here in Canada. Can I get your names for your reservation?”

Wife: “Yes, indeed. Here you go.”

(She hands me her confirmation sheet.)

Wife: “Can you tell me, though, how do you get the water in Lake Louise that turquoise color?”

Me: “I’m sorry? What do you mean?”

Wife: “Well, the water is so clear, but it’s green; it looks like the ocean. Do you paint the bottom that color?”

Me: “Oh, no, the water has a green color because of the copper minerals in the water. When they oxidize, that’s why it looks like the ocean.”

Wife: “Oh, that’s crazy! Everybody knows copper is brown like a penny, not green. It’s painted, isn’t it?!”

(I try to explain for quite some time that we don’t dye the water, and that copper is the reason it looks blue-green.)

Wife: “There is no way that its natural! ”

Me: *getting annoyed* “Yes, we drain the lake and paint the bottom of the lake at night.”

Wife: “See? Was it so hard to tell the truth?” *walks away*

My Manager: “You know, I should fire you for that… but I think I would have done the same thing.”

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It’s Called Sarcasm

, , | | Right | July 30, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. This is [My Name]. How may I assist you today?”

Customer: “What time do you stop room service?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t offer room service.”

Customer: “What’s up with that?”

Me: “We don’t have a kitchen in the hotel.”

Customer: “Well, y’all need to get one!”

Me: “You’re right. I will start filing for permits and hiring subcontractors and have the kitchen built before you arrive.”

Customer: “That’s great! You truly offer excellent customer service!”

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Jack Of All Trades, Master Of None

, , , | | Right | July 21, 2008

(A customer is trying to cancel a non-refundable reservation at a hotel…)

Me: “I apologize, sir, but we will not be able to issue a refund at this time.”

Customer: “I am a doctor and will have to attend to an emergency at that time. So, you need to refund me.”

Me: “Again, I apologize, sir, but as the hotel is unwilling to refund, we will be unable to refund you at this time.”

Customer: “Well, I guess I will just have to see you in court. I am a lawyer and I am going to sue you.”

Me: “Sir, as a lawyer, I am sure you read over the terms and conditions of your reservation. As I am sure you noted, this reservation is nonrefundable. If you’d like, I’d can review the terms and conditions with you…”

Customer: “The Catholic Church is going to curse you! I am a lawyer for the Catholic Church and I will tell the bishop to curse you!”

(At this point, I didn’t know what to say to this multi-talented doctor and lawyer for the Catholic Church.)

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Occasionally, Minute Men Do Come In Handy

, , | Quebec City, Canada | Romantic | July 17, 2008

(Please note that I work in a beautiful 4-star hotel.)

Me: “Good afternoon, how may I help you?”

Husband: “We would like to have a room for tonight.”

Me: “Okay, I have a room with a queen size bed. Is that okay for you?”

Wife: “How much is it?”

Me: “$127.”

Husband: “Well, can you offer me a better price?”

Me: “Unfortunately, I can’t.

Husband: “Okay, that’s fine.”

Me: “Here is your key; your room is on the 5th floor and is a VIP room. Have a nice stay!”

(22 minutes later…)

Wife: “We would like to have our money back.”

Me: May I ask you why?

Wife: “Uh, we don’t like the decoration.”

Me: “I’m sorry, madam, but I can’t give you your money back… you stayed in the room for 25 minutes.”

Wife: “… and?!”

Me: “Why didn’t you come back after 5 minutes?”

Wife: “… because!”

(We all know what they did during 25 minutes!)

Occasionally, Minute Men Do Come In Handy

, , | | Right | July 17, 2008

(Please note that I work in a beautiful four-star hotel.)

Me: “Good afternoon, how may I help you?”

Husband: “We would like to have a room for tonight.”

Me: “Okay, I have a room with a queen size bed. Is that okay for you?”

Wife: “How much is it?”

Me: “$127.”

Husband: “Well, can you offer me a better price?”

Me: “Unfortunately, I can’t.

Husband: “Okay, that’s fine.”

Me: “Here is your key; your room is on the 5th floor and is a VIP room. Have a nice stay!”

(22 minutes later…)

Wife: “We would like to have our money back.”

Me: May I ask you why?

Wife: “Uh, we don’t like the decoration.”

Me: “I’m sorry, madam, but I can’t give you your money back… You stayed in the room for twenty-five minutes.”

Wife: “…and?!”

Me: “Why didn’t you come back after five minutes?”

Wife: “…because!”

(We all know what they did for 25 minutes!)

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