(Our hotel is a few blocks away from a homeless shelter, so sometimes the homeless come to feast at our breakfast buffet. A young man in his twenties sits and eats like a wolf.)

Coworker: “Sir, are you a guest here?”

Man: “Naw.”

Coworker: “This is only for guests; you must leave.”

Man: “I’ll eat if I want to! Ain’t no skinny wimmin gonna tell me ta leave!” *still eating like crazy*

Me: “Sir, if you don’t leave, I’ll call the police.”

Man: “This is a public place!”

(This is a common misconception; though our business is open to the public, it is privately owned.)

Me: “No, it’s not public, and if you continue to stay, I’ll call the police.”

Man: *with full mouth* “Eff you!” *swallows* “D*** government controlled b****es.”

(I picked up the phone and dialed. The man’s grumbles got louder when I asked for the police. A cop showed up, and the man suddenly got up, grabbed about five donuts and three muffins, then ran around like crazy with his cheeks full like a chipmunk. The cop tried to grab him but he was super quick. My coworker and I were dumbfounded, and we never saw him again.)

(This guest is one of those people who is extremely irritable when they don’t have their morning coffee. Free coffee is not technically one of our listed amenities, but we offer some anyway to be nice. This is really early in the morning before breakfast time, and the breakfast crew is busy getting things ready in the kitchen.)

Guest: *on phone* “Is the coffee ready yet?”

Me: “It’s brewing right now, so it’ll be about five minutes.”

Guest: “Fine!”

(She appears in the breakfast area one minute later, sees there’s no ready coffee, and storms up to me.)

Guest: “Where’s the coffee?! I just need a cup of coffee!”

Me: “I’m sorry. I’ll tell the breakfast crew to hurry up with it.”

(I go to tell them, and they say okay, and then I can hear pounding on the kitchen door and the guest yelling, “WHERE’S THE COFFEE?!” so loud that I’m surprised she doesn’t wake up the whole hotel.)

Me: “Please, ma’am, there are rooms nearby; you might wake them…”

Guest: “I don’t care about them. I only care about my coffee! Where is it?! Coffee, coffee, coffee! Is it so hard?! Is it?!”

(The coffee finally comes out, and by then, the guest is having a total meltdown in the lobby, stomping in circles, tearing at her hair, and yelling. Finally, she grabs a cup, pours some coffee, and runs out with it. Some coffee spills out onto her hand and onto the floor in her haste, but she is so furious, she doesn’t even pause… or say thank you.)

Breakfast Crew: *stares at each other in disbelief* “What the f***?”

(I don’t know how coffee shops can stand crazy coffee people!)

(We are sold out, as is every hotel for at least a hundred miles. This is normal for a summer Saturday. A woman comes in at two am looking for a room. I call everywhere I can think of heading east — she’s going that direction — and then finally get a hotel in Billings that had a late cancelation. We book the room for her. She asks to use the bathroom and brings her daughter in. Then, she turns to me and glares.)

Mother: “Now, tell my sweet angel why you won’t give us a room, and why she can’t go to bed yet.”

Me: *looking at her in shock* “No. I found you a room and that is all I can do.”

(She left still complaining about my “unreasonableness.”)

(I am quietly working in my office, which is behind the reception desk, when a guest suddenly barges inside and stands next to my chair in a threatening manner. We have a reception desk, and it is not normal or appropriate behaviour for guests to come behind the desk.)

Guest: *yelling* “I still have to give you money!”

Me: “You already paid your tour operator. According to me, you do not have an open bill.”

Guest: *yelling louder* “Yes, I do. I still have to pay something!”

Me: “So what is it you need to pay?”

Guest: *somehow even louder* “That is up to you to tell me!”

Me: “Sir, this is not some kind of guessing game. Please first leave my office and come to the reception desk to explain what you think you owe us.”

(He walks over to the front of the reception desk swearing, but he has calmed down a bit.)

Guest: “I had a beverage.”

Me: “I was in the bar all night last night, and cannot recall seeing you there. I do not have a bar bill from your room. Do you mean you took something out of the fridge in the lobby and forgot to write it on the list?”

Guest: *aggressively* “Yes, that’s what I keep on telling you!”

Me: “But there are no unaccounted bottles out of that fridge. Could you tell me what you took?”

Guest: *going ballistic* “That is up to you to tell me!”

(I just looked at him, stunned. Without looking at me, he threw a two Euro coin in the general direction of the desk, and marched off, ranting and swearing.)

(I work as a graveyard shift receptionist in a small hotel. Our hotel also has some rooms that feature a jacuzzi. This happens in winter, in which most days are quiet, but occasionally, on special days, we will have all the rooms sold out. It is Valentine’s Day and all of the rooms were occupied before my shift started. Most couples just leave when I tell them we do not have a room, while some scream at me before leaving. Then came this couple.)

Male Customer: “I need one room, with a jacuzzi.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, we are all sold out for today.”

(He pauses and pulls out his phone, then resumes.)

Male Customer: “We have a reservation!”

(All the customers with reservations are checked in, so it is impossible for him to have a reservation today. I ask him for ID to check in our system in case there is a system error; I will  need to call the website if such an error exists. It turns out his reservation was made one minute ago, and the check-in time is clearly stated there: the same day, but 12 hours later. Again I work on the graveyard shift and it is midnight.)

Me: “Sir, your check in time for the reservation is 12 hours from now. It is clearly written on the website where you reserved the room.”

(He checks his phone again.)

Male Customer: “But I need one room.”

Me: “Sorry, sir. It is Valentine’s Day and all the rooms are sold.”

Male Customer: “How much?”

(I tell him the price and repeat that all the rooms are sold.)

Male Customer: “But I need one room!”

(He pulls money out and starts to push it at me.)

Me: “Sir, we have no rooms available. All the rooms are occupied.”

(I push the money back but he pushes back with more money. This pushing game goes on for minutes. I keep telling him in many different ways that we have no rooms, in case he does not know English very well, but they both understand English.)

Male Customer: “You can have all of this! Just give me a room!”

(Suddenly I realize that he thinks I am lying for tips. We have a very strict policy against this. I show him our shelf with all the registration cards to prove that I am not lying and all rooms are occupied. Then the silent female customer joins in for the game.)

Female Customer: “Can you tell somebody to get out and give us the room? We will pay you a large tip.”

Me: “Sorry, miss, I cannot do that. They are our customers.”

Male Customer: “But I want a room with a jacuzzi! Get me the room now!”

Female Customer: “We are customers, too. Now, what are you going to do?”

Me: “Again, I am sorry. We do not have any rooms available right now. Your check in time is 12 hours from now. I can inform my coworkers to allow you check in a few hours earlier, if we have rooms at that time. You are free to call us to check.”

(I hand them our business card, but they do not even look at it.)

Female Customer: “We can check in earlier? GREAT! I will do it. I want to check in now.”

(I start running out of patience, but I still remain as polite as possible. Suddenly, the male customer starts yelling.)

Male Customer: “GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”

(Since I am the only person in the office now, I tell them that I am the manager.)

Male Customer: “THEN GIVE ME A ROOM!”

Me: “Sir, we do not have a room at this moment, and please keep your voice down; people are sleeping.”

Male Customer: “GET ME YOUR BOSS! WHO IS THE OWNER?”

(My boss has instructed me to never get him for the customer, nor give out his information. I tell him my boss is not here.)

Female Customer: “CALL HIM!”

(I am tired and I do not know what else I can do to get them to understand the situation. I call my boss. Luckily, he rarely sleeps on my shift.)

Boss: *on the phone* “Kick them out, now.”

Me: “I am sorry. My boss wants you to leave now.”

Male Customer: “Fine…”

(Just as I thought it is finally over, they backed off to the corner of the lobby and started kissing and cuddling. After many requests to leave and then threatening to call to the police, they finally left.)