(I work the front desk in a hotel located just outside of Stockholm. Our neighbouring hotel is of the same company and located just across the bay from us — you can easily see it from front desk — next to the ferries. During Christmas and New Year, they close down because of the low season and we answer their phone. This, of course, leads to many confusing conversations.)

Me: *answering the phone* “Hello, and welcome to [Hotel Brand and Location]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, hello! I am about to board the ferry and I think I’ve forgotten to lock my car in the parking lot!”

Me: “Okay? I’m not sure what you would like me to do about that.”

Caller: “Well, the check-in for the ferry closes in five minutes so I don’t have time to go check my car, and I’ll be gone for five days!”

Me: “Yes, okay, well, I assume you meant to call [Neighbour Hotel], as they are located next to the ferries? Is that right?”

Caller: “Yes. Why? Who are you?”

Me: “Well, the hotel is closed during Christmas and New Year and won’t open until the 5th of January, so I am afraid there is no one at the hotel. I am at [Hotel on the other side of the bay].”

Caller: “BUT MY CAR!”

Me: “I really can’t help you, sir. I am nowhere near your car, and I am also alone at my hotel so I couldn’t leave if I was.”

Caller: “Someone has to check my car!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there is nothing I can do to help you with your car, and I highly doubt that, had the hotel been open, they would have been able to do much, either, as they can’t get into the ferries’ parking lot without authorization.”

Caller: “BUT MY CAR! I’ll be gone for five days!”

Me: “Well, maybe you should talk to the check-in clerks at the ferry instead of arguing with me if time is of the essence.”

Caller: “This is horrible service!”

Me: “Well, you haven’t actually paid for any service with our company, so…”

Caller: “MY CAR!”

Me: “I’m going to hang up now. Good luck!”

(He kept screeching as I hung up the phone. Maybe next time remember to lock your car?)

(I have just started a front desk job at a hotel. I’m working with a senior front desk associate and a maintenance man who is meant to double as security. Late one night, I hear screaming coming from around the corner and there are sounds of violence. My coworker is positioned to see around the corner, and when the noises stop she turns to me.)

Coworker: *wide-eyed* “That lady just threw her phone at her husband and started clawing him in the face before full-on decking him. Right in front of her four-year-old kid! No wonder they cut her off at the bar, if she’s that kind of drunk.”

Me: “Shouldn’t we do something about that? Like call security or something? I mean, if they have a little kid with them, the kid could be in danger.”

Coworker: “I mean, if you want to get involved, you can. Security probably won’t care since they’re in their room now.”

(I decide to call security out of concern for the child.)

Security: “If they’re in their room, there’s nothing I can do.”

Me: “Can’t you go up there and see if everything’s all right?”

Security: “If you’re really that concerned, you can call the police, but it’s not my problem.”

(I call up my supervisor who tells me to go ahead and call the police. The police arrive quickly, go up to the room, and almost instantly come back with the woman in handcuffs. It turns out the dad was visibly wounded and the child was wailing in a corner. The next day, I get a call from the hotel manager.)

Manager: “I heard you called the police on a guest last night?”

Me: “Yes, I did.” *explains story*

Manager: “Well, in the future, I would like you to call security or a supervisor first. The woman who was arrested does very good business with us and left a very good review. We need that kind of repeat guest.”

Me: “I asked my coworker, I called security, and I called a supervisor. My coworker and security wouldn’t help, and my supervisor said to call the police! She was abusing her husband in front of their child!”

Manager: “Your coworker, security, and the supervisor all say they were not involved in the situation. Besides, she was just drunk. She just needed to work it out and everything would have been fine.”

(I didn’t stay there long. I am still fuming as I write this years later. I don’t care how good of a customer someone is; that does not excuse abuse!)

(A guest is checking out. She is talking loudly to her friend, who’s there with her.)

Me: “Thank you for staying with us. You are checked out. Here’s your receipt.”

Guest: *keeps talking to her friend*

Me: *a little louder* “You are all checked out! Thank you!”

(The guest keeps gabbing with her friend and completely ignoring me, no matter how loud I speak. Her friend looks over but says nothing. Finally, I give up and start eating my breakfast.)

Guest: *looks up at me* “What’s wrong? Am I checked out?”

Friend: “She said that a million times. But you just ignored her.”

Me: *nodding in agreement*

Guest: “Nuh-uh! I was just talking to you and then next thing I know, she’s eating her food and I’m like, what’s going on?” *scoffs*

(The guest snatched her receipt and stormed off. She and her friend kept arguing about it all the way out!)

(I work the late shift at a hotel. While it’s not unusual for people to comment about my hours, this is definitely the most amusing conversation to date.)

Woman: “Oh, my God, are you still cleaning?”

Me: “Yes, I am the late shift.”

Woman: “What? You clean all night?”

Me: “Not normally; the odd time I’ll be here until midnight, but normally 10 or 11. Tonight I’m off at 11.”

Woman: “Wow, you are a hard worker.”

Man: “You must do the work crews.”

Me: “Yes, sir, my main responsibility is cleaning the rail crews’ rooms since they are constantly routing.”

Woman: “So, someone does cleaning all night?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I am the late cleaner and we have an early cleaner who starts at five am. There is no housekeeper for the slowest part of the night, but if needed the front desk will clean a room for them.”

Man: “You do what you have to. How are the rest of the rooms divided up?”

Me: “We have other housekeepers who work normally eight to four; their job is the regular guest rooms. If the early cleaner or I have free time we will also clean the regular rooms.”

Woman: “Twenty-four-seven cleaning is crazy! I will write to your head office for you and I promise we will never stay with this hotel again!” *walks off before I can say anything*

(I am a software engineer. I’ve just accepted a contract for work in my hometown and am traveling back for the first time in a decade. I don’t use social media so no one there really knows what I’ve been up to unless I was close to them. While doing basic research for the contract while on my flight, the client’s name sounds familiar, and basic snooping reveals she’s the mother of a former classmate. Thinking I can have a chuckle with the client later, I brush it aside and don’t even notice a familiar face checking me into the hotel later.)

Former Classmate: “Okay, so I have a room for [My Name]… Wait. Are you [My Name] that went to [School]?”

Me: “Huh? Oh, s***! [Former Classmate]?! Oh, h*** no… Someone has to be pranking me right now.”

Former Classmate: “Well, that’s not what I’d expect after not seeing me since high school!”

Me: “Sorry. You’re just the last person I expected to run into randomly while I was in town for work. I didn’t even know you got into the hotel business.”

Former Classmate: “That’s fair enough. What are you doing for work, then?”

Me: “Oh, this and that. I go wherever they send me and do what I need to do really.”

(We talk for a good half hour, catching up on what’s been happening in town and what mutual friends are up to.)

Former Classmate: “I hope you enjoy your time back in town! Maybe we can grab dinner and get a bunch of us back together!”

Me: “Sounds fun! Hope it doesn’t get weird, though. I’m in town to see your mom! Ha!”

(I walk away while she gives me a look of horror. I think nothing of it, but she seems to avoid me for the entire time I’m there. A few days before I leave, her mom takes me out to a fancy dinner for my work — a common thing — and brings me back to the hotel. When she learns where I’m staying, she tells me about her daughter. I tell her I’m a former classmate, and she decides to come in and have a laugh with her daughter about it.)

Former Classmate: *seeing us walk in* “OH, GOD, MOM! PLEASE, NOT WHERE I WORK!”

Client: “What? I just wanted to say hi and bring [My Name] back to his hotel.”

Former Classmate: “DO YOU HAVE TO F*** EVERY GUY I’M ATTRACTED TO?!”

Me: “Whoa! Wait, what?!”

Client: “IS THIS THE CLASSMATE YOU HAD A CRUSH ON ALL THOSE YEARS?!”

Me: “WHAT?!”

([Former Classmate] ran to the back crying. Turns out, my client was a cougar and she and her daughter had very similar taste in men. When I told her I was here to “see your mom,” she thought I was a male prostitute and couldn’t bring herself to look at me. After her manager brought her back out, I showed her my business card to prove I was NOT sleeping with her mom.)