Taxing Faxing, Part 10

| Orlando, FL, USA | Right | August 17, 2012

(I work at a hotel, which often requires that paperwork be sent to us to verify credit cards and the like. On this particular occasion I am working with a customer whose assistant is out of town and she clearly has no idea what she is doing. Having sent me the wrong paperwork, I call her back.)

Me: “Ma’am? It appears that we have received the wrong paperwork, so if you could just fax the correct one we will be able to get everything set up for you.”

Customer: “Okay, but can you just fax that back to me, then?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Those papers! If they’re wrong, I need them back. Send them back to me!”

Me: “Uh… ma’am, that might be a bit redundant, but I’d be more than happy to destroy the copy—”

Customer: “ARE YOU STUPID? DON’T DESTROY THEM! THAT’S THE ONLY COPY I HAVE! JUST FAX THEM BACK!”

(It dawns on me that this customer thinks that her fax machine actually manages to somehow transport the entire paper through her machine to mine.)

Me: “Ma’am, the fax machine sends me a copy of the documents. If you check your fax machine, you will clearly see the paperwork still laying there. It doesn’t take your original.”

(I hear a frustrated sigh as she slams the phone, and then muttering and shuffling as she goes through her office. After a minute, she comes back to her phone.)

Customer: “…sorry.” *hangs up quickly*

 

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How About We Show You The Door

| England, UK | Right | August 17, 2012

(I overhear this as I’m checking in to a hotel in England.)

Guest: *with an American accent* “You chauvinistic pig! I can open doors by myself, you know!”

Employee: “Madam, I’m the doorman…”

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Lock, Stock, And Two Swinging Ninjas

| Myrtle Beach, SC, USA | Related | August 14, 2012

Brother: “Why is the balcony door locked?”

Me: “Dad likes to lock things.”

Brother: “But we are on the 8th floor.”

Dad: “There are ninjas about.”

Me: “You also have to watch out for the skydiving robbers.”

Dad: “Yep, them and the ninjas will get you.”

Me: “How would you know if there were ninjas? You can’t see them.”

Dad: “I can sense their presence!”

Too Punny For Words

| Hollywood, CA, USA | Working | August 7, 2012

(Note: I am notorious for making puns. This happens at an industry conference, and about half the office is staying in a hotel to cover the latest movie news. I have not quite woken up.)

Boss: “[My name], wake up! The new trailer for Spiderman has just been posted, and we need to do a post about it, quick!”

Me: *still in bed* “Has [competitor] updated their site with the trailer?”

Boss: “No, not yet.”

Me: *jumps out of bed* “Then at least we’re not TRAILING behind them!”

Boss: “You’re lucky you’re a good writer, or I’d fire you on the spot for that.”

This Troll Should Have Stuck At Home

| Ohio, USA | Right | August 6, 2012

(There is a large anime convention at our hotel. During these conventions, many guests dress up as their favorite characters. Some even go all-out and will wear body paint or mascot suits, carry fake weapons, etc. Even during these conventions, non-convention goers stay in the hotel. I am working the front desk and am approached by a very angry guest.)

Me: “How may I help you today?”

Guest: “Kick these d***ed freaks out of this hotel! They’re disturbing my children!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. The event is already going on, and all of these people have paid to attend.”

Guest: “They’re disturbing my children! They have weapons! They’re dangerous freaks!”

Me: “We wouldn’t allow real weapons on the convention floor. All weapons have been checked, and all of them are props. I can assure you that no one here will harm your children with their weapons.”

Guest: “You’re lying! You’re just covering up for this… cult! It’s a cult of dangerous freaks with weapons!”

Me: “Ma’am, there is no cult activity.”

Guest: “If it’s not a cult, then why are they painted grey? And why are they wearing devil horns? They’re the headmasters of the cult!” *motions to a nearby group in costume*

Me: “They’re in costumes. This is an anime convention. Many people dress up in costumes. That group is dressed up as characters from [popular webcomic]. They’re not a cult.”

Guest: “You’re lying! They’re a devil-worshipping cult! They’re going to wait until midnight, then sacrifice all the virgins to Satan!”

Me: “Actually, the only thing happening at midnight tonight is the convention’s dance.”

Guest: “A dance with the devil! You even admitted it! They’re a cult of devil-worshippers!”

Me: “I never said that.”

Guest: “And them, over there! In the animal costumes!” *motions to a group of people in mascot suits* “They’re going to perform strange sex acts on innocent people at the cult meeting tonight! How dare you let this happen?!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you would listen to me—”

(There is now a long line of people waiting to be helped behind her, most of whom look upset with the way this guest is talking.)

Guest: *turns around to the people in line* “Don’t check into this hotel! They let crazy cults of devil-worshippers bring weapons in to sacrifice virgins and then have sex!” *runs off*

Next Guest in line: “…Heh. Normal people are funny. Can I please have some extra towels?”

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