God Save The Reine

| Gothenburg, Sweden | Working | September 27, 2012

(I work in the hotel department on a cruise line. A coworker and I are talking about me going to London to study.)

Me: “I’m so glad I’m single. Would be awful to have a long distance relationship for three years.”

Coworker: “I’m sure you’ll find a hot French guy there! I mean there are hordes of them there. You can just take your pick!”

Me: “I’m not specifically after a French guy, and I didn’t know there were that many of them in London.”

Coworker: “Sure there are, it’s LONDON! Where else would they be?”

Me: “…In France?”

Coworker: “But that’s where you’re going.”

Me: “No, I’m going to London.”

Coworker: “Yes and London is in France!”

(I’m thinking she’s joking but she’s looking at me, dead serious.)

Me: “London is in England.”

Coworker: “No, it’s not. It’s the capital of France.”

Me: “No, sweetie… Paris is the capital of France. London is the capital of England!”

Coworker: “No… but… oh, yeah! But I’m sure you’ll find a French guy there anyway!”

Me: *facepalm*

Those Who Look Down Will Never Move Up

| AZ, USA | Working | September 24, 2012

(I was working at a hotel my last semester of college and was promoted to supervisor soon after graduating. A coworker who is male and I, a female, are checking an elderly couple in one afternoon.)

Coworker: “Is there anything else I can do for you today?”

Elderly Couple: “Yes, can we get some help with our luggage?”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, but the bellman just left to take some people to the airport, but he will be back in 20 or 30 minutes.”

Elderly Couple: “Well, can you help us?”

Coworker: “No, that’s beneath me.”

Elderly Couple: *shocked silence*

Me: *to the elderly couple* “Folks, as soon as I finish checking in this guest, I’d be happy to assist you with your bags.”

Coworker: *gives me a dirty look*

(After helping the couple with their bags, they give me a $10 tip. I walk back to the lobby and wave the bill at my coworker.)

Me: “Don’t ever say that again. If you don’t want to help someone with their bags, say you’re unable to then ask someone else to help them.”

Coworker: *walks away in a huff*

(I walk over to the bellman’s stand and put the tip in his drawer, since the bellman work almost solely off of tips, then return to my counter. After coming back from lunch, my coworker goes over to the bellman at his stand.)

Coworker: *to the bellman* “Aren’t we not supposed to help anyone with their stuff and tell them to wait for you to get back?”

Bellman: “Yes, why?”

Coworker: “Because she took someone’s luggage up for them while you were gone!”

Bellman: “Oh, I wondered where this $10 came from. Thanks, [my name]!”


Coworker: *walks away in a huff*

Bellman: *to me* “And that is why you got promoted to supervisor and he never will be.”

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Acting Like Paris In The Hilton

| Paris, France | Romantic | September 13, 2012

(My boyfriend and I are on a big, romantic European vacation. It’s our first morning in Paris, and we want to get up early. The alarm has just gone off.)

Boyfriend: “Ugh…. Baby, get up and take the first shower.”

Me: “No! I always take the first shower, and let you sleep an extra 15 minutes. It’s not fair. You get up first.”

Boyfriend: “You’re wasting time! Get up!”

Me: “At least give me 30 seconds to wake up!”

Boyfriend: “NO!” *starts pushing me off the bed*

Me: “What are you doing!?”

Boyfriend: “Get. Up.” *fully pushes me off the bed*

Me: “Why would you do that? You’re so mean!”

Boyfriend: “Oh, my God! It’s like dealing with a two year old.”

Me: *sitting on the floor* “I really, really hate you right now.”

Boyfriend: “Stop being such a child.”

(I angrily shower and come back to the bedroom to find him sound asleep.)

Me: “Babe, your turn.”

Boyfriend: “Noooooooo.”

Me:Who’s the child!?

(We both end up giggling.)

Disturbingly Dense, Part 2

| Michigan, USA | Right | September 1, 2012

(We are a small hotel in an even smaller town. Because of our size, we only have housekeeping until about 1 pm. After that, the front desk can stock towels and things, but we don’t fully clean the room.)

Guest: “We left at 9:30 this morning to go out for the day. It is now 12:50 and we still don’t have maid service!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. We can have housekeeping come up immediately and clean that for you.”

Guest: “Absolutely not! We will be here for an hour. Then you can get in!”

Me: “Unfortunately, sir, we do not have 24 hour housekeeping service. Housekeeping is not offered after 1 pm.”

Guest: “But we put out our sign!”

Me: “The sign on the inside of the door? Your ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign?”

(Upon saying this, the guest realizes that they are in error.)

Guest: “Well, yeah… but they should’ve know we weren’t in here!”

Me: “If there is a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign up, sir, they are not supposed to disturb you.”

Guest: “You are incompetent! I demand to speak to a manager!”

Me: “You’re speaking to her, sir.”

Guest: *click*

 

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Something Smells Really Fishy

, | USA | Related | August 31, 2012

(My wife and I are on a road trip out to Temecula, CA, where my parents-in-law are living. At the end of our vacation, my father-in-law will come back with us to Colorado. He loves seafood, and is worried that it will cost too much and not be fresh in Colorado.)

Father-in-law: “I just bought these fresh fish at the market here. Can I bring them back with us to Colorado so I have something to eat there?”

Me: “Well, we only have this small cooler that can fit a few water bottles. Plus, we are stopping in Las Vegas for the night so it will have to keep for two days while we drive. I doubt the fish will make it that long.”

(He argues with me a little, but in the end my wife tells him no. He makes a few fish sandwiches to eat on the road and I think that is the end of it. We drive to Las Vegas; it is August and around 100 degrees out, so we have the AC blowing the whole way. In Las Vegas, we check into our room and my father-in-law checks into his. About half an hour later, we hear a knock on our door.)

Father-in-law: “There is an awful stench in my room! I have to get a new room!”

(We follow him to his room. A terrible odor is emanating from the room. Inside, we see the fish he had originally asked to bring along sitting on the air conditioner. The air conditioner is blowing on high, spreading the smell throughout the hotel room.)

Wife: “What did you do?!”

Father-in-law: “Well, I had put that fish in my bag because you wouldn’t let me put it in the cooler. When I took it out, it smelled a little funny, and since there was no refrigerator in here, I put it on the air conditioner to cool it down!”

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