Customer Of The Week: Wince Of Thieves

| | Right | December 31, 2008

Customer Of The Week: Wince Of Thieves
Created by our friends at Quitting Time

Original Story

Thievers Can’t Be Choosers

| | Right | December 19, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I want to complain about these towels of yours. They’re really rough and scratchy.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir… Wait a second; are you calling from outside the hotel?”

(I double-check the incoming call info, and see that it’s coming in on our toll-free line.)

Caller: “Yeah, I’m at home.”

Me: “And you’re calling to complain about towels you took from the hotel?”

Caller: “Yeah, they suck. They’re not very soft.”

Me: “Well, I certainly apologize for that, sir. If you’ll give me your name and address, I’ll have Housekeeping send you some new ones.”

(Surprisingly, he actually gave me his info; not surprisingly, he called a couple of weeks later to complain about the bill we sent him for the towels.)

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The Orlando Hillbillies

, , , , | Right | November 19, 2008

(I work as a security officer in an upscale hotel near the big theme parks in Orlando. We get a call from one of the rooms complaining about a break-in and theft.)

Me: “Sir, you called security about a break-in? When were you out?”

Customer: “Yeah! We just got back from [Theme Park] and somebody broke in here and took all of our used towels and soaps and stuff! Looks like they went through everything!”

Me: “Sir? They took your used towels?”

Customer: “We had a buncha towels in the bathroom and a buncha shampoo and soaps are gone, too! See?! These ain’t my towels! I know because we had used ours last night and draped them over the shower curtain to dry! What kind of establishment are y’all runnin’ here?”

(I look around the bathroom; it looks tidy and neat. Clean towels are hanging on the towel rack, and new bottles of courtesy soaps and shampoos were put on the bathroom counter.)

Me: “Sir, were these your towels from home? Was anything else taken?”

Customer: “No! We gotta buncha towels with our room and now they’re gone! I know because they were wet! Somebody done been in here snoopin’ through our room!”

Me: “Sir… I believe that was housekeeping. They come in, clean up the room, see if you need any fresh towels, and give you new–”

(The man begins shouting.)


Me: “It’s called ‘Housekeeping.’ They come in and replace any toiletries you use during–”

Customer: “Well, I ain’t need no toilet treats! They coulda stole all my stuff!”

Me: “Sir… it was our maids. They come in and clean for you. There is a complimentary safe in your closet. You can lock up anything you don’t want out when our staff–”

Customer: “TELL THEM I DON’T WANT ANYONE IN MY ROOM AND GOIN’ THROUGH ALL MY STUFF! If they do it again, I’m calling the police and having all y’all arrested!”

Me: “All right, sir…”

(The customer and his family stayed a whole week in the hotel. Evidently they used the same four towels the whole time and split a one oz bottle of shampoo for four people over six days.)

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She Who Wears The Pants, Part 2

| | Right | October 28, 2008

(I’m helping a couple check out at the front desk.)

Me: “Okay, and how would you like to settle the bill?”

Husband: “Put it on my card you have.”

Wife: “No, put it on my credit card.” *hands me her credit card*

Husband: “No! put it on my credit card!”

Wife: “Don’t worry about him, just put it on mine.”

Husband: *grabs wife’s credit card*

Wife: “Fine, do what you want! I’m out of here!” *storms out of the hotel*

(The husband runs out after his wife; 10 minutes passes by and he finally returns.)

Husband, very quietly: “Put it on her card…”


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Team Building Retreat With The Reindeer

| | Right | October 8, 2008

Me: “Good evening, [hotel]. This is Patrice. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I’d like to check your availability for December 24th to the 26th.”

Me: “We do have rooms available for those dates.”

Caller: “I work for the government, and I’m wondering if you have the government discount?”

Me: “Only government employees on official government business are eligible for our government rates.”

Caller: “I’m on official business, then!”

Me: “… You’re trying to book a room for Christmas.”

Caller: *hangs up*

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