Don’t Assume You Nose Everything

| Right | July 15, 2014

(I have allergies and early spring usually leaves me snuffling and sneezing. Even most meds don’t work well unless they knock me out, which means I can’t take them before work.)

Customer: “So are you into coke? Because your nose is stuffy.”

Me: *staring in shock*

Customer: “Well, I didn’t mean to be rude!”

Me: “No, it’s allergies. Here are your room keys.”

(I guess stuffy nose equals illegal drugs.)

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Disturbingly Dense, Part 3

| Right | July 11, 2014

Customer: “I’d like to make a complaint. I’ve been here for two nights already, and not once has my room been cleaned! What kind of hotel is this?”

Me: “I’m sorry for the trouble, ma’am.” *checks with housekeeping* “Ma’am, the housekeeper says that there was a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on your doorknob.”

Customer: “What? I thought that meant don’t disturb me, not no housekeeping!”

(I calmly explain it, while she screams for a refund from for not making things clearer. She didn’t get it.)

 

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A Premature Point Of View

| Right | July 10, 2014

(I work the front desk of a smaller hotel, where all of our rooms face the ocean; meaning the front entrance of the units are motel style in the back, edging onto a wooded area with the sliding glass doors all facing the waters edge. A guest we had just checked about 10 minutes ago comes back to the desk FURIOUS. I overhear the exchange between him and my coworker…)

Guest: “I was told my room had an OCEAN VIEW! You people are NOT advertising correctly. This is false advertising!”

Coworker: “Sir, I assure you you ARE in one of our beachfront units. In fact, it really doesn’t get much more ‘beachfront!'”

Guest: “Yeah, well, I can assure YOU that my room is NOT facing the water! I am not paying this much money to stare at some trees!”

(At this point we’re all dumbfounded as to why this guest claims his room doesn’t have a view, as it’s physically impossible for it not to. At this point, my coworker clues in.)

Coworker: “… Sir, did you actually ENTER the room yet?”

Guest: “No, but the building is surrounded by trees. There’s no ocean or beach in sight!”

(As soon as the guest actually WENT INTO the room, to his surprise, he found a gorgeous ocean view and had no further complaints!)

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Maturity Bubble Burst

| Romantic | July 9, 2014

(My boyfriend is eight years older than I am, and therefore has a lot more job and life experience.)

Me: “I heard from my dad that [Prominent Property Investor] has liquidated all his investments in China.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, the property market in Shanghai has TRIPLED in the past five years. It typically takes eight-to-ten years to DOUBLE. Every market has a cycle and the bubble’s going to burst soon. The implications of [Prominent Property Investor]’s actions…”

(I provide intermittent ‘mm-hmm’s as I listen to him tell me about property and investment and markets.)

Boyfriend: “… All right, I’m gonna go poopy-poop.”

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You Are My Sunshine, My Nerdy Sunshine

| Romantic | July 8, 2014

(My fiancé, some friends, and I all go to a huge Anime convention. I am dressed up as a character who has one exposed arm in her outfit, with lots of elaborate tattoos. It is very hot and sunny, so I end up getting a pretty bad sunburn. When we get back to the hotel, my fiancé and I hop in the shower to wash off the grime from the day and the tattoos I had painted on me.)

Fiancé: *randomly starts scrubbing me* “You looked like you needed help.”

Me: “Yeah… this paint is actually pretty hard to get off.”

(After several long minutes of scrubbing and rinsing, my fiancé starts laughing really hard.)

Me: “What? What’s so funny?”

Fiancé: “Your arm! You still have tattoos on it!”

(The paint apparently saved my skin from being burnt, so I have crazy pale, swirling, lines that are really noticeable against my burnt skin.)

Me: “Looks like I’m permanently this character…”

Fiancé: “Hey, at least [Friend] has a stencil for tomorrow! It will make painting your arm easier and faster!”

(Everyone got a kick out of the odd sun tattoo I earned, and sure enough, my friend did use it as a stencil for the next day!)

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