Thick Skin Required

| NC, USA | Related | May 25, 2012

(We are out of town for a funeral. All of the family are staying in the same hotel. My 80-year-old father and his older brother are sitting next to each other. One of my uncle’s grandchildren is talking about going swimming in the hotel.)

Uncle: “Well, all I have to swim in is my birthday suit.”

Dad: “Well you’d better get an iron then.”

The DST Fairy Bids Thee Good Morning

| Grapevine, TX, USA | Right | May 22, 2012

(I am working in guest care at a hotel. It’s the morning after “springing forward”, and a guest calls down to ask the time.)

Guest: “What’s the current local time?”

Me: “It is 7:45 AM.”

Guest: “Then why does my clock say that time already? Did you send a maid into my room while I was sleeping to set my clock forward?! That is just unacceptable!”

Me: “Sir, the rooms all have atomic clocks that are automatically set by satellite signal.”

Guest: *click*

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Checking Out On Capitalism

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Right | May 17, 2012

(This is graduation week for the college that is a couple blocks away, so our rates are higher than they usually are for this week. Our rates are about 30 dollars less than the average rate of next closest hotel to campus.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [hotel]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I would like a room with two beds for May 11th-14th.”

Me: “Sure, that will be $119 plus tax per night.”

Caller: “What?! That’s ridiculous! I stayed there last month, and it was only $79!”

Me: “Well, our rates do fluctuate based on what is going in the area. Supply and demand, you know?”

Caller: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, more people want hotel rooms, so the price goes up. That’s how businesses make money.”

Caller: “But you’re a hotel, not a business! I refuse to stay at a place where you jack up the rates to screw people over!” *hangs up*

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Too Bad You Can’t Ctrl-X Coworkers, Part 2

| New York, USA | Working | May 15, 2012

(I’m the General Manager of a brand-new hotel. One of my coworkers essentially became the owner’s “pet” after about three weeks of being open. She and I didn’t get along, which made things difficult as the owner would often take her side. The following is one incident that took place.)

Owner: “Where is that disc that [coworker] asked for from the software company?”

Me: “It’s in my office. Let me grab it.”

Coworker: “No, it’s here in the garbage. Why would you put it in the garbage?”

Me: “What? No, it was on my desk.”

Owner: “Why would you put it in the garbage? You knew she needed that!”

Me: *confused* “But I didn’t—”

Coworker: “Yes, you did! See, it’s all dirty. This is how you get viruses on your computer!”

Me: “You do not get computer viruses by putting in a disc that was in the garbage.”

Owner: “Of course you do! You don’t know what the h*** you’re talking about!”

Me: “I give up. I’ll see you all tomorrow.”

(Thankfully, I didn’t have to put up with the coworker for long. She ended up stealing thousands of dollars from the hotel and got caught and arrested. When this happened, I said to the owner, “Computer virus, huh?” and she turned red and walked away.)


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Less Than Or Equal To Dumb

| Portland, OR, USA | Right | May 8, 2012

Guest: “We have a party of six. Will that fit in your hotel’s van?”

Me: “Well, our hotel van has room for eleven.”

Guest: *blank stare*

Me: “So, your party of six will fit.”

Guest: “Oh! Good.”

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