Service With Room To Improve

| USA | Hotels & Lodging, Money

(I work at a hotel in an affluent city. Property around here goes for millions of dollars.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I want a room.”

Me: “Okay, the rate is [rate].”

Customer: *eyes bug out* “What?! How do you justify that?!”

Me: “Um… I don’t know. The sales department sets the prices, not me.”

Customer: “They must be on crack! It’s four walls! And a bed!”

Me: “Right… So, do you want to rent the room?”

Customer: *starts cursing and swearing* “No, I don’t want the room! I just want to know how you can charge that price!”

Me: “Well, the room comes with free internet, and free breakfast… and free gym.”

Customer: *sneeringly* “F*** the breakfast! Take that room and shove it up your a**! And tell that to the ‘sales’ department, too!” *struts off*

Coworker: “Man, what an idiot. He needs some anger management classes.”

Me: *to Coworker* “He’s going to check the hotel next door and across from us, and be back in fifteen minutes.”

Coworker: “No way!”

(I was right!)

Gotta Give Them Credit For Trying

| Finland | Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers, Money

Me: “Okay, so now that your arrival tomorrow will be after 6 pm, we’d need your credit card details to guarantee for the arrival.”

Customer: “So here’s the number: 123 7881”

Me: “What kind of a credit card is it?”

Customer: “It’s a Visa card”

(All Visas and Mastercards are 16 digits.)

Me: “Are you reading the numbers in front of the card?”

Customer: “Yes. It’s 123 899912”

(I notice that it’s a different number than what he said before.)

Me: “I’m not sure if that’s your library card number or something else but I definitely know it’s not a credit card number.”

Customer: “Oh, you noticed.”

Beam Me Up Some Common Sense

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Hotels & Lodging

(I pick-up the incoming phone calls when my rooms coordinator is out to lunch.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. How may I help you?

Guest: “Is this lost and found?”

Me: “Yes. How may I help you?”

Guest: “Thank god! I left my laptop in my room yesterday when I checked out and I need it back!”

(I knew there was a laptop there that had been found the day before, and that, strangely, it had been left under the bed. After confirming the guest’s name, room number, and that it was really her laptop we had here, I start to explain to the guest that we could arrange for pick-up of the item by her or have it shipped via carrier.)

Guest: “Oh, no, you HAVE to ship it. I’m back in [Next Province Over] and I need it fast!”

Me: “Very well. If you give me your credit card information I can arrange for pick-up by [Carrier] later on today and have it sent express…”

Guest: “No, no, not later on today. I need it NOW!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but even the fastest express delivery service is not going to be able to get it to you in much less than 24 hours.”

Guest: “But you don’t understand! I work at a radio station. All my work stuff is on my laptop and I’m going on the air in 40 minutes, which I CANNOT DO if I don’t have MY LAPTOP!”

Me: *wondering why then, if her laptop was SO vital to her, did she not notice it missing before now* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but until someone makes the Star Trek transporter a reality, the fastest we can get it to you is 24 hours!”