I have just arrived at my hotel after an eight-hour drive on one of the hottest days of the year, I dealt with traffic jams nearly all the way, and I’ve gratefully collapsed on the bed with the fan going full blast and a nice cold drink.

The hotel has another location nearby, but this one has a fitness suite with a sauna and swimming pool, and the other one is just the basic hotel. There’s a knock at the door. I open it to find the receptionist who just booked me in looking nervous. 

Receptionist: “Hi, um, sorry to disturb you, but there’s been a bit of a mistake.”

Me: “Okay?”

Receptionist: “Yeah, I just had a platinum member show up and his booking got deleted somehow…”

Me: “…”

Receptionist: “So, yeah, uh, you’ve only just arrived, so I thought maybe I could get you to move to our other hotel? I mean, you haven’t unpacked yet.”

Me: “Are you serious?”

Receptionist: “Yeah, we could offer you, uh, uh, maybe a drink voucher?”

Me: “No.”  

Receptionist: “Oh, but, you know, it’s a platinum member, and you’re not, so, really, he should have this room.”

Me: “No, stop. I’ve checked in. I’m in my room. You are not seriously suggesting I check out and drive another half an hour to your other hotel because someone here screwed up. Sorry, but no.” 

Receptionist: “Oh. Uh. Yeah, okay. Sorry.”

Five minutes later, I could hear yelling coming from the lobby. I guess Mr. Platinum Member wasn’t impressed.

A lady comes down in a fury.

Guest: “Excuse me. I have to have a non-smoking room!”

Me: “It says here that your travel agent booked you a smoking room.”

Guest: “Well, I want a non-smoking room! Can’t you see that my kids are allergic?”

The kids are coughing and crying.

Me: “I’m sorry, but there are no more non-smoking rooms available.”

Guest: “Well, then, get me another room someplace else! Who wants to stay here in this horrible hotel, anyway?!”

I try to find her another room, but due to an event in town, all hotels in the area are booked. When I tell her this, she gets even angrier.

Guest: “If you don’t find me a non-smoking room right now, I’ll make a big scene! Don’t make me make a big scene! You’ll be embarrassed!”

Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, you are making a big scene right now. So don’t bother threatening us with that.”

Finally, she calmed down a little when she saw that she was not impressing me with her threats, but she still complained to corporate about her travel agent’s mistake. They gave her a gift certificate.

The phone rings and my coworker answers it.

Coworker: “Hello can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I need a room with a jacuzzi. Do you have any?”

Coworker: “No, our rooms don’t have any jacuzzis.”

Caller: “You are so rude. All I need is a room with a jacuzzi.”

Coworker: “I’ve already told you that we don’t—”

Caller: “Boy, don’t get an attitude with me!”

The caller goes into a rant, calling my coworker names and cursing. My coworker hangs up and then goes off and takes a lunch break. I’m by myself, and a few minutes later, a woman comes in.

Woman: *Authoritatively* “Do you all have jacuzzis?”

Me: “No, we don’t, ma’am.”

Woman: “People are soooo rude here! What’s it gonna take for me to get a room with a jacuzzi?!”

She stomps her foot and storms off.

Me: “…?”

My wife and I are on our honeymoon. It’s before many businesses are doing business on the Internet. We are taking a meandering drive home from our main honeymoon location.  

I’ve called ahead to make a reservation at a hotel in Pennsylvania. I chose it because the printed travel book said it had an in-room Jacuzzi and complementary breakfast. We arrive in the evening after a long drive. After checking in, we enjoy the Jacuzzi and a pay-per-view movie.

The next morning, my wife asks me to go check out the breakfast, as she has an aversion to egg dishes and wants to know if there are other options. So, I walk down to the lobby to look. I don’t see any typical hotel breakfast set up, so I walk to the front desk and address the clerk.

Me: “Hello. Where is the complimentary breakfast for guests?”

Clerk: “Just around the corner to the left, sir. In the restaurant.”

Confused, as complementary breakfasts are usually just set up in the lobby space, I walk over to the restaurant. At the entrance is a sign that reads, “Complimentary Breakfast $8.99”. Still confused, I talk to the hostess.

Me: “I’m looking for the complimentary breakfast for hotel guests.”

Hostess: “That’s here, sir. We have the breakfast buffet set up over there, and it’s all you can eat for $8.99.”

Me: “Umm… So, how do the guests get it for free, you know, complementary?”

Hostess: “Yes, sir, the breakfast is with our compliments.”

Me: “No. The term ‘complementary’ means you’re providing it for free.”

Hostess: “I’m sorry, sir. Our complimentary breakfast is $8.99.”

I glance over at the buffet, deciding if it’s worth the price. It’s got lots of eggs: scrambled, over-easy, boiled. I can smell the eggs from across the room, and I don’t think my bride would care for sitting in the room.

Me: “I think we’ll pass. Oh, and have your boss look up the word ‘complementary’.”

I told my wife the story of the “complimentary” breakfast. We decided to check out and try to find breakfast elsewhere before hitting the highway. We ended up finding a fantastic diner about two blocks away that had eggless options my wife loved.

When we got home, I looked up the word “complementary”. The second definition is “given free as a gift or courtesy”.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I booked a room online and I was wondering what time I had to check in?”

Me: “Check-in begins at 3:00 pm.”

Caller: “Oh, so I have to check in by 3:00?”

Me: “No, check-in begins at 3:00. You can check in at 3:00 pm or any time after.”

Caller: “Oh, so I can check in any time before or after 3:00?”

Me: “No, any time after 3:00, not before.”

Caller: “Oh, after 3:00?”

Me: *Pause* “Yes.”