An Attack On Common Sense

| USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Hotels & Lodging

(A man and his wife and a bunch of teens check in. All day, the teens are running freely outside, even when it turns dark. Our part of the city is notorious for crime, and one of the teens nearly gets attacked by a mugger. Fortunately, she is unharmed. The man approaches me.)

Man: “My daughter nearly got attacked outside! What are you going to do about it?”

Me: “What do you want me to do about it?”

Man: *throws hands up* “It’s all your fault! If you’d been watching her better–”

Me: “Sir, I am NOT a babysitter.”

Man: “You sure are! You’re responsible for all the guests here! And she’s a guest! What kind of place is this, that doesn’t care when their charges gets attacked!”

Me: “I’m just a clerk. Now, would you like me to call the police for you?”

Man: “Fine, whatever!”

(I called the police. The policeman came and told him what I wanted to: that he was responsible. Later, the man wrote on a comment card complaining about me for not babysitting his kid!)

Might Not Be A Queen But Sure Acts Like One

| Anaheim, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Tourists/Travel

(An elite member comes to the front desk and asks if he can transfer to a suite, because he can’t see the TV from his bed in his king room.)

Me: “I have a suite that becomes available on Wednesday, but it has two queen size beds instead of a king.”

Guest: “Two queens?” *dramatically unzips jacket, and points to his ‘Happy Anniversary’ Disneyland pin* “Does THIS look like someone who should get a room with two queens?”

Me: “…no?”

Sub-par Subway Humor

| Washington, D.C., USA | Hotels & Lodging, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(A man and his nervous looking wife approach.)

Man: “Hello, we’d like to get information on how to ride the subway around?”

Me: “Sure. To ride the subway you have to purchase a ticket from the machine there.”

Wife: “It’s safe around here, isn’t it?”

Me: “Of course.”

Wife: “I don’t believe it!”

Man: “Honey, it is perfectly fine.”

Me: *deciding to kid her* “Actually, you must be careful. Sometimes the subway trains will spit you out if you don’t board them fast!”

(The man starts laughing and his wife looks like she might faint.)

Me: “I’m kidding. They don’t do that!”

Wife: *not listening* “I’m going home!” *runs off*

Me: *to man* “Gee, good thing I didn’t say anything about the ticket price. Now, that’s scary.”

(He stopped laughing.)

The Language Just Flows

| France | Hotels & Lodging, Language & Words

(My aunt and her family are in a hotel in France. We’re German, and she doesn’t really speak any French or English beyond a few words, just enough to get things hilariously wrong. She finds that their bathroom is missing its toilet brush (German word for brush: Bürste.) She decides to go to the reception desk to complain, only realising that she didn’t know all the English words for what she wanted to tell them.)

Aunt: “Toilet burst! Toilet burst! TOILET BURST!”

(The poor guy probably had visions of pure horror…)

A Cab Will Just Go And Go And Chicago

| Dallas, TX, USA | Geography, Hotels & Lodging, Transportation

Guest: “Can you call me a cab to take me to O’Hare?”

Front Desk: “Sure, but you might want to consider flying there since you’re in Dallas.”

Guest: “Oh, yeah. I forgot.”