No Room For This Scam

| OK, USA | Working | November 2, 2016

(I work the front desk of a hotel for years. Confidentiality is an extremely important part a desk clerk’s job but that doesn’t stop scammers from trying to obtain information.)

Me: *answering phone* “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, this is [Name] from [Hotel]’s corporate office in Alabama. We have had to reset all systems and so I need you to give me the names of all guest staying in rooms.” *rattles off a small group of room numbers*

Me: *immediately suspicious because our corporate is closed on the weekends and is not located anywhere near Alabama* “I apologize, but why are you needing this information?”

Caller: “We lost some information while resetting your hotel’s system. Now I need you to give me the names of the guests in those rooms and their information.”

Me: “And who did you say you were with?”

Caller: “I am a front office expert with your company. Now, please, I need the names of the guest in–” *repeats room numbers from earlier* “–and their information so I can replace the data that was lost while the system was down.”

Me: “I am sorry, but I am not at liberty to give out guests’ information. Surely being a ‘front office expert’ you can understand why.”

Caller: *hangs up*

Doctor “Do Not Disturb”

| USA | Right | November 1, 2016

(A customer comes up to the desk in the morning and informs us that his toilet is broken, and tells us to look at it. Hours later, the customer comes back and informs us very impolitely that his toilet is still broken.)

Me: “I do apologize for that, sir… but when our maintenance man went up to fix it, he was stopped by a Do Not Disturb sign on your door.”

Customer: *rolls eyes and throw hands up exaggeratedly* “THAT was for the housekeeper, not the maintenance man! I put it up because I didn’t want my room cleaned! Obviously, I want my toilet fixed!”

Me: “I apologize, Mr. [Customer], but it is our policy not to disturb guests who do not want to be disturbed. We could get into trouble if we did.”

Customer: *waving hands in air* “It’s Doctor [Customer]! I have a PhD! So, now you want to blame me for my toilet not being fixed, and you don’t even address me right?! You know what I’m going to do? Complain on the customer complaint line about how poorly run this hotel is! Yessirree!”

Me: “Ok, sir….”

Customer: “I’m a doctor, not a ‘sir’!” *storms off*

(He did complain and his complaints were laughed off.)

Triceraflops

| Lancaster, PA, USA | Working | October 28, 2016

(Earlier in the day, housekeeping found a stuffed dinosaur toy in one of the guest rooms. The guest who lost it called and said they’d be in to get it in a few days, so we have it behind the desk. I’m working behind the desk with another coworker.)

Coworker: *points to the toy* “What is that thing?”

Me: “A triceratops.”

Coworker: “Really?”

Me: “Yeah. See the horns and the fan around its neck? That means it’s a triceratops.”

Coworker: “Oh. I thought it was a unicorn with a bonnet on.”

Customers Like This Is Why You Need A Holiday

| Germany | Right | October 15, 2016

(Every year, we close the hotel for our annual holiday for 4-5 weeks mid-November to mid-December. This is widely published everywhere. We have a promotion with a well-known tour operator who issues vouchers for a menu for two. We get very little money for these vouchers, but it is good publicity and people have to book in advance for a date that suits both parties.)

Caller: “I have a voucher from [Tour Company], and I would like to book a table for [date].”

Me: “Sorry, that date is during our annual holiday. The hotel is closed at that time.”

Caller: “But I so wanted to come and eat at your restaurant.”

Me: “Sorry, we are closed at that time of year; can I offer you a booking for another date?”

Caller:“No, I want that date. Why is that not possible?”

Me: “The hotel is dark and cold, there are no supplies, the cold storage and everything is switched off, and the staff is on holiday.”

Caller: “Well, can’t you come back from holiday and open the restaurant for me?”

Me: “Sorry, but it is just logistically not possible.”

Caller:“That is lousy customer service. I demand you open your restaurant for me on that date I want.”

Me: “You expect me to fly back from Turkey on day eight of my two-week sightseeing tour, to reopen the hotel especially so you can have dinner with your voucher?”

Caller: “Yes! Now, that was not so hard, was it?”

Making An I-gnome-inious Exit

| USA | Friendly | October 13, 2016

(For the longest time a few years back I kept getting unsolicited calls and no matter what I did, they kept coming. One day while I am with my friend at a hotel, I get one of the calls.)

Me: *checks my phone* “Aw, man, it’s another stupid call! I am so sick and tired of this!”

Friend: “Oh! Can I answer?”

Me: “Uh… yeah. Why would you?” *I hand the phone over*

Friend: *answers the phone in the most overly-polite voice she can muster* “Hello, thank you for calling United Garden Gnomes! When that touch of style is gone, add some magic to your lawn! This is [Fake Name] speaking. How may I help you?” *person on other line says something* “I’m sorry, there’s nobody here by that name. But can I interest you in a garden gnome? We have Wiggles, the glass gnome, or perhaps you’ll enjoy Denise, the water fairy, or—”

(This goes on FOREVER. At first it is hilarious, but as the minutes tick by and my friend keeps up the act, even I see her slowing down. Finally, after what feels like twenty minutes of this, my friend hangs up.)

Friend: “He was serious. He wanted to buy gnomes. He’s expecting a shipment of gnomes on Tuesday.”

Me: “Maybe he knew you were messing with him and decided to mess with you back.”

Friend: “I hope so or else he’s going to call you back, wondering where his d*** gnomes are!”

(He never called back.)

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