I work at the bar at a relatively fancy hotel. I’m also eight months pregnant and look it. I have a regular who is always in town on business. He’s Japanese, and since we stock some good high-end Japanese whiskey at the bar, he usually comes down for some on his trips, complimenting our selection.

As he’s in town every month, he’s seen my pregnancy bump in various stages of development.

Bar Regular: “Wow, [My Name]. You’re ready to pop!”

Me: “Yeah, one month to go!”

Bar Regular: “Why are you still at work? You must be exhausted.”

Me: “Well, I’ll be working until the week before my due date.”

Bar Regular: “But what about your maternity leave?”

Me: “We don’t really… uh… do that, in the USA? It depends on the employer.”

Bar Regular: “That’s crazy! Japan has a reputation for always making our people work, but even in Japan, mothers go on maternity leave six weeks before they’re due.”

Me: “It’s okay! I have a seat at the bar, and it’s not like pouring you your favorite whiskey is hard!”

I laugh it off, and we chat a bit more. When he’s done, he hands me his bill (charged to his room), and he’s left a tip in there. It feels quite heavy.

Bar Regular: “You were always going to be a great mother, but this should make it a little easier.”

He smiled and left before I could say anything. He tipped me $1,000! That came in so handy when my boy was born — you have no idea!

Now, every month, he comes by and asks to see baby pictures, and he always brings my son little toys from Japan. By far my favorite customer!

In high school, one year, the band goes to the Land of the Mouse for a contest. Since we flew, we are staying in a hotel. To kind of try and prevent/catch kids who might be doing sneaky things, after curfew, the teachers and chaperones do room checks to make sure everyone is in the correct room, and then they tape the doors.

One day after we’ve been at the park, my roommates and I start packing and trying to stay awake while we wait for room checks. After a while, we start to wonder where our chaperones are because they should have checked in by now. None of us can remember the room number our specific group chaperone is in, but we have the room number of our band teacher, and we have his cell phone number. We try both numbers and get nothing.

Then, one of my friends says she remembers where the chaperone’s room is, just not the room number. She and I throw on shoes and decide to go check. As we open the door, we hear the sound of the tape ripping off the door. I stick my head out the door and see the tape hanging in the corner.

Me: “Well, crap. We have to find someone now. Do you think we’d have better luck going down to the front desk?”

Friend: “Probably. Come on.”

She and I leave the room, head around the corner, and run into our band director. He’d heard the tape and was coming to see who he’d catch. Cue the deer in the headlights moment; he’s shocked at who he sees (we are not the expected troublemakers), and we’re shocked that he was so close.

Me: “Uh, hi, Mr. [Teacher]. Um, we were coming to find someone because we didn’t get our room check, and [Roommate #1] and [Roommate #2] want to go to sleep. We didn’t know the exact room number for [Chaperone], but [Friend] said she thought she knew where the room was, so we were thinking about going to the room or to the front desk. And you didn’t answer your phone, so we thought we’d just come looking because we weren’t sure if the room checks were still going on.”

I acknowledge that I’m probably babbling and rambling, but I do not want to get in trouble for something I didn’t do. Neither one of us is a troublemaker or would have been in this situation, but heat-of-the-moment-type stuff and everything…

Teacher: “Okay, let’s go back to your room and I’ll do a quick check.”

We go back. [Teacher] stays in the hall but leans in to verify that all four of us are in the room and then says goodnight. We shut the door, and he tapes it back up.

The next morning, we head down to the breakfast and the chaperones find us.

Chaperone #1: “Oh, girls, I’m so sorry! We just forgot about you last night! We ended up needing to split the room checks differently, and everyone thought someone else had already checked your room.”

Chaperone #2: “Mr. [Teacher] said you guys handled it well, though! Next time, though, it’s probably fine to just go to bed in that situation, if you want. You guys are pretty good, so we weren’t too worried anyway.”

We had more girl rooms than boys but fewer female chaperones, and because of district policies regarding adults seeing students, it was interesting. We all laughed it off, and to make it up, the teachers and the chaperones let our group get in line first at checkout, getting on the bus, and at all the various activities we did throughout the day while waiting to go to the airport. Interesting end to a fun trip, though!

A lady comes to check into our hotel for a three-night stay.

Me: “Just to let you know, we don’t have automatic daily housekeeping; it’s done by request. To clarify: housekeeping won’t go into your room to clean it tomorrow unless you ask for it.”

Her mouth drops open in absolute disbelief.

Guest: “Really?! I have never heard of a hotel doing that! Even [Cheap Motel Chain] does housekeeping! I’m paying $400 a night, and you won’t even clean my room?? That’s absolutely crazy! Are you serious?!”

And so on.

Me: “No, ma’am, of course, they’ll clean the room. You just need to request it, that’s all. It’s pretty standard in hotels since the [global health crisis]. I’ll set it up to have them do it in the morning if you’d like. What time would be convenient for you?”

She keeps looking around huffing and puffing in complete shock like I just told her that she’ll need to pop out one of her own eyeballs and give it to me as a deposit or something. I am so confused about why she looks so horrified and offended by this.

Then, she looks me in the eye and, very slowly and loudly, like I’m an idiot who needs to be spoken to like a toddler, she says:

Guest: “Well, can you clean it now? Before I go in?”

Me: “I don’t clean the rooms, ma’am, and… Why…”

She actually stomps her foot at this. Then, it dawns on me and I understand. And I burst out laughing at this lady.

Me: “Ma’am, the room is clean. Were you under the impression that housekeeping doesn’t clean the rooms between guests? I’m saying that during your stay, they will only go in to clean if you request it.”

Now it was me talking slowly and loudly.

And yes, that’s exactly what she thought, and that’s why she was so horrified. She thought we had sold her a dirty room and told her she’d need to ask nicely before we’d clean it! She realized her mistake, mumbled something about being tired, and hurried off.

A couple of guests come into the hotel around 2:30 am. They don’t appear drunk, as you’d expect from night crawlers. The man is mostly quiet. The woman goes to the snack shop and gets some water bottles.

Woman: “How much are these?”

Me: “That’ll be $5.00, ma’am; they’re $2.50 each.”

Woman: “What?! Jesus.”

She fumbles in her purse until she finds the golden crumbled $5 bill.

Woman: “These had better give me superpowers or something.”

I just laugh awkwardly.

About ten minutes later, she comes back to the front desk alone. At that point, I’m sitting in the back office and not watching the cameras, so she has to tap the desk to get my attention.

I rush out there, see the look on her face, and know she’s trouble.

Woman: “Give me my money back.”

Me: “Oh? What happened?”

Woman: “I looked these up online. I could get a big case of these for $5, and you only gave me two.”

The rest of the conversation wasn’t that interesting. I didn’t have anything witty to say; I was just dumbfounded that she was acting like hotels have ever charged cents for a bottle of water. I just tried to tell her all sales are final. I honestly thought she was joking at first. It’s a good thing I didn’t laugh; she was dead serious.

Just bring your own water next time; it’s what I do. I always stop and get a gallon or two.

A man called our hotel asking about a missing item.

Me: “Any lost items are sent to our lost and found center, and they ship them back to the guest. Let me transfer you to them.”

Caller: “No, I need you to look for it!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, your item is not in our office. Therefore, it has been sent to the lost and found center.”

Caller: “No, I don’t want a d*** scripted response. I want you to look for it.”

Me: “Sorry, but this is the only response I have for you.”

Caller: “How long have you been working there?”

Me: “Since March, sir.”

Caller: “It shows. Now go look for it!”

Me: “I already looked for it, and it’s not there, so it has been sent to our lost and found center.”

Caller: “Fine! Transfer the call, then!”

Me: *In the b****iest tone* “PERFECT!”

I transferred him. He called back later, very angry, to complain.