Customers Like This Is Why You Need A Holiday

| Germany | Crazy Requests, Holidays, Hotels & Lodging

(Every year, we close the hotel for our annual holiday for 4-5 weeks mid-November to mid-December. This is widely published everywhere. We have a promotion with a well-known tour operator who issues vouchers for a menu for two. We get very little money for these vouchers, but it is good publicity and people have to book in advance for a date that suits both parties.)

Caller: “I have a voucher from [Tour Company], and I would like to book a table for [date].”

Me: “Sorry, that date is during our annual holiday. The hotel is closed at that time.”

Caller: “But I so wanted to come and eat at your restaurant.”

Me: “Sorry, we are closed at that time of year; can I offer you a booking for another date?”

Caller:“No, I want that date. Why is that not possible?”

Me: “The hotel is dark and cold, there are no supplies, the cold storage and everything is switched off, and the staff is on holiday.”

Caller: “Well, can’t you come back from holiday and open the restaurant for me?”

Me: “Sorry, but it is just logistically not possible.”

Caller:“That is lousy customer service. I demand you open your restaurant for me on that date I want.”

Me: “You expect me to fly back from Turkey on day eight of my two-week sightseeing tour, to reopen the hotel especially so you can have dinner with your voucher?”

Caller: “Yes! Now, that was not so hard, was it?”


Take That Complaint Where The Sun Don’t Shine

| Puerto de Alcúdia, Balearic Islands, Spain | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Tourists/Travel

(I am working the night-shift at the reception desk of a hotel. In come a family of four to check-in. Everything goes well, until, 15 minutes later, the father comes back.)

Customer: “I’m sorry, but you have to give us another room. This is not what we’ve booked.”

Me: *after having checked the information on the arrival’s sheet* “Well, you booked sea-view, and that room has full frontal sea-view.”

Customer: “No, we have no view at all. We are looking at a pitch black wall.”

Me: “Maybe that’s because it’s two o’clock in the morning.”

Customer: “Oh! So, tomorrow we are going to have sea-view?”

Me: “Yes, as soon as the sun rises you will have the most beautiful, unobstructed sea-view.”

Customer: “Oh, okay! Thanks.”

(The customer retreated a little more hastily than normal.)


The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving, Part 3

| USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

Customer: *on phone* “Say, can we pay with a gift card?”

(I recall that people have paid with a gift card.)

Me: “As long as when I swipe it, it goes through.”

Customer: “Great!”

(Hours later…)

Customer: “Hi! Here’s my card!”

(I swipe it and it says declined.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but it was declined. You’ll have to pay it another way.”

Customer: “But you said that I could use it!”

Me: “If it goes through, I said.”

Customer: “Details, schmetails…”

The Gift Card That Keeps Giving, Part 2
The Gift Card That Keeps Giving


The Gift-Shop That Keeps On Giving

| FL, USA | Hotels & Lodging

Me: “Good morning! How can I help you?”

Guest: “Yes, I need to buy a shot glass.”

Me: “All right, we have a gift shop to your right that has many varieties.”

Guest: “Where is it?”

Me: “Right around the corner.” *I motion in the direction*

(Five minutes later, the guest comes right to the front of the line, distraught.)

Guest: “Can you help me? I still cannot find the gift shop!”

(I walk around my desk and point directly at the gift shop which is rather large. A few moments later the guest brings a shot glass and a shirt to my desk.)

Guest: “I’d like to buy this.”

Me: “Sir, the checkout is within the gift shop.”

Guest: “Oh, where’s the gift shop?”


I Can Hear The Bells

| MO, USA | Bad Behavior, Hotels & Lodging, Popular

(The reception desk at our hotel has a bell one can ring if there isn’t a member of staff present. On this particular day, however, I’m working the desk and therefore see this person the instant he comes into the lobby.)

Me: “Good afternoon, sir! Are you—”

Man: “Whoa, hold on there! You’re not supposed to speak to me yet!”

(He hits the bell to make it ring.)

Man: “Okay, now you can address me.”

Me: “Uh, that’s not what the bell is for, but okay. Are you checking in?”

Man: “Yes” *gives reservation details*

Me: “Excellent. I just—”

Man: “No! We just went over this!” *rings the bell* “Now you can speak!”

Me: “…I need a credit card for the reservation.”

(He turns away to search his carry bag. I take this opportunity and move the bell under the desk.)

Man: “Okay, here…” *notices* “Hey, where’s the bell?”

Me: “It’s not needed while I’m here, sir. It’s only to alert the receptionist that a guest is at the desk while they’re in the back room or working on the computer.”

Man: “Give me back the d*** bell!”

Me: “I won’t, sir. I’m right here, and it’s not to be abused just to signify when I can speak to you.”

Man: “Fine!” *smacks the desk with his hand* “DING DING! Okay, now, where are my keys?”

Me: “Right here. Our check out policy is—”

Man: “Nooooo…” *smacks the desk again* “DING DING! Okay, now, what were you about to say?”

(I quickly go through the rest of the check in process and send him on his way, adding a note about his bizarre behaviour. True to form we had to take the bell off the desk again when he checked out, and he did the same schtick of hitting the desk, pretending like it was still there.)

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