Put ‘Give Birth’ On To The Business Plan

| Hospital|Cary, IL, USA | Related | September 16, 2016

(My grandmother, whom I call Nana, has just had surgery on her back, My parents, boyfriend, and I are all visiting her while she’s recovering. My mother has taken two weeks off of work to help out my grandparents while my grandmother recovers, but her work keeps emailing her as the entire office tends to fall apart when she’s not there.)

Mom: “I don’t know how they’re going to survive without me. I just can’t get a moment’s peace even when I take the day off.”

Nana: “They won’t. They’re going to email you every hour on the hour. Remember when you were having [My Name]?”

Mom: *laughs* “Oh, yeah. That time, even the doctor was surprised.”

Me: “Wait, what happened?”

Mom: “Well, I was pushing; I was lying in bed, and I distinctly remember I was pushing, and then the phone in the hospital room started ringing, and your dad had to answer it.”

Dad: “It was [Mom’s Former Boss]; she was asking if you had been born yet.”

Mom: “And so I’m sitting there pushing and I’m like, ‘Yes, the birth is going fine; No, she hasn’t been born yet; Yes, I’ll have [Dad] call you back so you can rush over as soon as the baby’s here.’ And the doctor is just kind of staring at me as your dad hangs up the phone and I was just like ‘Oh, that’s my boss.’”

Dad: “He looked so confused; he thought they were going to fire her for taking the day off to give birth.”

(My mom’s old boss is one of her best friends. They share the same birthday and they’ve worked together at three different companies. I always knew she was excitable and she’s come to so many family events to see me but I had no idea she was that excited about my birth that she would call my mom in the middle of it.)

Come To A Fork In The Road

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Right | September 7, 2016

(I work the metal detector at the local ER. It’s about 1 a.m. and it’s been pretty slow with only one woman with a cough. Suddenly a woman, a little boy, and a girl with a fork IN HER ARM rush in. The fork is jammed at a weird angle with only about one prong visible.)

Girl: *in tears* “I don’t think I’m gonna do very well against that metal detector.”

Don’t Get Testy(sterone) With Me

| | Working | September 4, 2016

(I’m a 17-year-old female. I haven’t started university yet but I study medicine, specifically infectious disease, on my own time because I find it interesting and I hope to go into the field when I go to university. I help my neighbor with her animals. One day one of her cats is attacked by a different neighbor’s dog and injured. Unfortunately the cat bit me very deeply several times on my finger when I was holding her to help examine her and my father takes me to the ER. This exchange happens when the nurse comes in to give me precautionary rabies vaccine and immunoglobins.)

Nurse #1: “All right, let’s get this over with. I’m going to be giving you a shot now. It’s to make sure—“

Me: “That I haven’t been exposed to rabies, and if I have been it will prevent it from infecting me.”

Nurse #1: “Right. I see they already explained it to you.”

(I see her start to draw up the vaccine. I’m a little concerned when she has trouble right off the bat, struggling to pull it up into the fairly small needle.)

Me: “Um, the vaccine shouldn’t be that thick, right?”

Nurse #1: “Sometimes it is a little harder.”

(She turns the vial a little to get a different grip and I am horrified to see that it is not, in fact, the correct vaccine. She is trying to pull up testosterone.)

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t think that’s the right vaccine.”

Nurse #1: *ignores* “Ah, there we go. Now please roll up your sleeve. We can do this on your shoulder.”

Me: *moves away from her slightly* “Ma’am, I saw the vial. You should be giving me ImoVax or RabAvert. That vial is marked testosterone.”

Nurse #1: *gets red faced mad* “Now listen here, missy, I know what I’m doing. Now come here!” *literally lunges at me with the needle*

Me: “DAD, I NEED SOME HELP!”

(It took my father and two other nurses to get Nurse #1 to put down the syringe and actually look at the vial. Thankfully I got a different nurse to give me the right vaccine and immunoglobins.)

Nurse #2: “I’m sorry about that. She’s being let go in about two weeks and she’s been acting… erratic. She won’t be in the ER after this.”

Me: “Thanks. Do you think I could… see the bottles this time?”

Fill In The Blanks

| England, UK | Working | August 27, 2016

(My friend isn’t feeling well, so my boyfriend and I pay for a taxi and take them to A&E. When we get there my friend runs to the bathroom and I go to the counter to check them in. There are two people, a man in a suit typing away and a woman in a nursing uniform who looks less busy than the man. I decide to try going to the less busy person first.)

Me: *stands in front of the nurse, who stares blankly at her screen for a few minutes*

Me: “Excuse me?”

Nurse: *blankly stares at me*

Me: “I need to check my friend in?”

Nurse: *blank stare*

Me: “They’re unwell?”

Nurse: *blank stare*

Me: “They need to see a doctor?”

Nurse: “Oh. Right. This man will help you.” *motions to male typing on his computer*

Man: *blank stare*

(I’m really glad that wasn’t the place where people go for emergency treatment or anything.)

He’s Going To Need The Hospital Next

| USA | Friendly | August 26, 2016

(I like to crochet tiny toys which I then take to the local hospital where my sister works and give them out to kids, who are either patients or visiting sick family members, to make them feel better. I’ve just given some to a pair of children in the ER when a woman approaches me.)

Woman: “Excuse me; I saw you were giving out toys to the children. My daughter has already been discharged, but she’d like to know if she can still have one?”

Me: “Of course she can have one!”

(She leads me to her daughter, who is with her dad and waiting for the okay to leave, and I let her choose a toy from my box. She picks a tiny octopus.)

Woman: “Now what do you say?”

Girl: “Thank you!”

Woman’s Husband: *jokingly* “You say, ‘Thanks for the octopus, b****!’”

(His wife then started smacking him with her purse, hard. I was laughing too hard to be offended.)

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