Is It A Kermit Or A Piggy?

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Romantic | April 4, 2017

(My wife is in labor with our first child, and because she is in her late thirties at the time she is considered a higher risk. She has already gone full term and has been induced, but things are progressing slowly.)

Nurse #1: “Hi, just here to check how dilated you are.” *checks* “Only four centimeters. We’ll check again later.”

(About half an hour goes by:)

Nurse #2: “Just checking to see how far along you are.” *checks, makes a not far along comment*

(This happens over and over, until about hour five when my wife has now been checked about a dozen times, and has endured the usual “How are you feeling” kind of questions, until her OB comes in.)

OB: “Hi, how are we feeling now?”

(Before my wife can reply for the twelfth time, I pipe up.)

Me: “Doc, she’s had so many hands inside her today she’s turning into a Muppet.”

(Only my wife laughing her face off permitted my survival.)

Reorienting Your Butt

| QLD, Australia | Romantic | March 25, 2017

(Hubby and I (female) are at the hospital having some routine testing done on my heart. We are in the waiting room and see a cardiologist leave his office and walk up the hallway away from us.)

Husband: *whispering* “He’s gay… You can tell by the way he moves his butt.”

Me: “…why are you looking at another guy’s butt?”

Needling Through The Lack Of Empathy

| CA, USA | Working | March 23, 2017

(I have to go to the hospital to get a spinal tap, which is normally a very easy procedure; however, I am terrified of needles to the point of panic or worse. A few days before, the charge nurse calls and I tell her that I will need sedation because there is a 99.9% chance I’ll flip out. She is extremely sweet and says it will be ready and she completely understands. The day of the procedure, the nurse working explains the procedure but has no mention of sedation or anything along those lines. When the phlebotomist comes to take my blood I start freaking out.)

Fiancé: “What about the IV for the sedative? Can you please take the blood through there before the saline and sedative are attached?

Nurse: “She is not getting a sedative. It is a simple procedure.”

Fiancé: “She called ahead. She is terrified of needles and will need sedatives so you can do the spinal tap.”

Nurse: “That is not necessary and overkill. I’ll see what we can do though.”

(When the nurse comes back, she without a word starts setting up the IV. As she starts trying to find my vein she gets increasingly frustrated, as my veins are hard to see when I am calm, much less freaking out. She starts off where my arm bends, stabbing that area four times with me getting more upset. She then goes to my wrist where she proceeds to jam into a bone causing me to lose it and go into a full panic attack. She goes to the forearm on the same arm and pokes me five or six times, finding the vein but being unable to thread it through.)

Fiancé: “Can you find the vein?”

Nurse: “Yes, but the needle won’t go in.”

Fiancé: “Maybe that is because she can’t breathe and can barely keep her arm still. Can you please give her a break?”

Nurse: “FINE!” *storms out, leaving the needle sticking out of my arm*

(My fiancé spends the next 15 minutes calming me down and keeping me from looking at or moving my arm until the charge nurse comes in.)

Charge Nurse: “Oh, my God, it’s still in her arm?!”

Fiancé: “Yes. Can you please take it out?!”

Charge Nurse: “Of course! I’ll be finishing the IV for you today, too.”

(The nurse spends a good ten minutes trying to figure out where to put the IV, as my right arm is mangled beyond belief and my left has already been used for a blood draw. When she finally finds a spot, she is in and out in five minutes. Ten minutes later, a male nurse comes in and takes me to a room to get the spinal tap done. I am waiting for ten minutes before the doctor comes in.)

Doctor: “All right, sweetheart, they need to take you back to the waiting area. You are getting a sedative and this room does not have the correct equipment to monitor your vitals.”

Me: “Seriously? This whole thing has been a nightmare. How does no one know I needed a sedative? I made sure that was clear before I came.”

Doctor: “I honestly don’t know because it is in your chart. It will be five more minutes and we will get this over with okay?”

(From that point on the whole thing (including the sedative) took about 25 minutes. When I went back into the waiting area, the nurse dismissed me within 20 minutes which ended up being a horrible idea because I reacted badly to the procedure. However the only solution to my reaction was to go get a blood patch at the same place, so I refused and dealt with serious pain throughout my head for 9 days. I realize I made an easy procedure harder; however, I was there from 7 am to 12:30. Had they listened to me from the beginning, it would have taken an hour, tops.)

The Mother Of All Billing Problems

| Oneonta, NY, USA | Working | March 23, 2017

(I just had my daughter. Halfway through my pregnancy I was forced to take a new doctor who kept saying I was going to have a small kid because I was small, and when I told him my son was almost eight pounds he laughed and said no way. When I was in labor they had my friend help because the nurses were in other rooms. I am so happy when I get home, but about a week after I get home I find a bill for having my daughter. My insurance covers all of it (same I had for when I had my son). First I call my insurance and they say they never got the bill, so I call the hospital and they send me to the billing section.)

Employee: “How can I help you?”

Me: “Yes, I got this bill and my insurance covers everything.”

Employee: *a little nasty* “Well, maybe your insurance doesn’t cover all of it. A lot of people think their insurance covers everything and it doesn’t.”

Me: “I just called them and they said they never got it.”

Employee: “Oh… well, you need to give us your bill.”

Me: “I live an hour away and have a newborn. You can’t send them a copy?”

Employee: “No, we need to send them the exact bill you have right now.”

Me: “Fine.”

(I drive there and I can tell they are not too happy, but they give me a fake smile and take it. My insurance calls me to say they got the bill that day and got another copy (most likely the one I made them send) about three days after. Two weeks later I get a bill for $800, so once again I call them up.)

Employee #2: “Sorry, your insurance said they won’t pay for your pain killers.”

Me: “I didn’t get any and this bill says it is for the something else.”

Employee #2: “None? Well, you must be a pretty cra—”

Me: “I don’t want to hear it right now.” *the hospital kept making jokes about me not using pain killers the whole time I was there*

Employee #2: “Oh, it says they didn’t send this part of the bill. I will write down to rebill them.”

Me: “I am not driving up there to give you this bill and how did you not send them all the bill?”

Employee #2: “No, that is crazy. We don’t need your bill. Why would we make you drive up here?”

(She also never answers on how they hadn’t sent all of it. I tell her thanks and two weeks later get another bill for $300.)

Me: “I am starting to get a little agitated.”

Employee #3: “I am sorry, but your insurance said you had to pay.”

(I call the insurance and they tell me they paid for everything on the bill they got. When I call back I get Employee #3 again.)

Me: “They said they paid for all of it.”

Employee #3: “I will have to check. Don’t worry about this bill.”

Me: “I am not. Thank you, good-bye.”

(Two weeks later I get another bill for $25. I just pay, thinking it is low enough and as long as it ends it. Once again, two weeks after I get another bill for $25. Every bill I get states that each time the insurance is paid and even the last $25 is paid.)

Me: “I already paid you! My insurance paid you what is going on.”

Employee #4: “It says you still owe us.”

Me: “I have every bill you gave to me. I even made a copy of the original one. I paid your $25 so I should be all good.”

Employee #4: “You… kept all the bills?”

Me: “Of course. Even if it is all good I keep them.”

(I have learned to always keep a copy of your paid bills.)

Employee #4: “Let me talk to someone. I will be right back.”

(I hear the person running off. I wait and hear some fast loud talking voices but can’t make out what they say.)

Employee #4: “Okay, well, we will fix this. Don’t worry about your bill.”

Me: “I won’t.”

(I haven’t heard anything from them since. I ran into a few mothers who had kids around my daughter’s age and they said the same thing happened to them. Not sure if they kept mixing bills or it was a scam the hospital was trying.)

A Miscarriage Of Service

| USA | Working | March 21, 2017

(My mom is pregnant with her first child when she is told by the doctor that she has suffered a miscarriage, which devastates her. She is told to come in for an aftercare procedure a week later.)

Nurse: “Okay, we’ll just do a quick ultrasound to check that everything’s in order, and then we’ll begin.”

Mom: “Okay.”

Nurse: *looks at ultrasound results and blanches* “Um, I’m sorry, Ms. [Mom], will you excuse me for a moment?” *steps outside*

Nurse: *returns, looking harried* “Um, well… it seems there’s been a mistake.”

Mom: *worried* “What kind of mistake?”

Nurse: “It appears that there was no miscarriage. Your baby’s still alive.”

Mom: “What?!”

Nurse: “I’m very sorry, Ms. [Mom]. I don’t know how this could have happened…”

Mom: “But it’s alive? It’s okay?”

Nurse: “Yes, and of course we’ll run further tests, but from what I can tell it seems perfectly healthy.”

(The doctor later came to apologize for his mistake, but by then my mother had already made the decision to switch to someone else’s care. My older brother was, happily, delivered without incident.)

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