A Hearty Breakfast

| Stuart, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

Me: “Ms. [Name], I need to take your vital signs. Your heart monitor is alarming.”

Patient: “Do you ALWAYS interrupt people when they are eating their breakfast?!”

Me: “Yes. This is a hospital, not a hotel. The vitals are more important right now than your breakfast.”

The Lawsuit Has A Ghost Of A Chance

| OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Theme Of The Month

(I’m just coming on shift in the emergency room. A patient approaches my desk, then leans over and glares down at me.)

Patient: “I just want you to know that if I go home and die because of your substandard care that I’m going to sue you and never forgive the hospital.”

(The patient doesn’t give me any chance to say anything before he walks out the door.)

Coworker: “I wonder how many lawyers take on angry ghosts as clients?”

Forgive The Pun(tang)

| Corvallis, OR, USA | Funny Names, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

(I am working as a phone operator at the hospital. Usually people call me and I connect them to different parts of the hospital.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hospital]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah. Can you connect me to the ‘vaginacologist’ please?”

(I knew what she wanted but was stunned because I have never heard anyone say that before.)

Me: “You mean, the gynecologist office?”

Caller: “I don’t know what they are called. Whoever is in charge of looking at my ‘hoo haw!'”