Trying Your Patients

| New Zealand | Bizarre, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

Charge Nurse: “Hello.”

Caller: “Is Mr [Name] one of your patients?”

Charge Nurse: “Yes. Why?”

Caller: “He’s in the gynaecology ward. Please retrieve him.”

Charge Nurse: “How did he get there? He needs one assist just to walk around his bed!”

Caller: “Well, either the dementia made him forget he couldn’t walk or he’s just been alone for too long in life.”

Charge Nurse: “Pardon me? I’m sure he’s just in his bed in his room”

Caller: “Look, just come and get him. He took the elevator up four floors, found the gynae ward, walked into a room with a cervical smear in progress, and asked if he could be of assistance.”

Charge Nurse: “…”

Not Quite Ringing True

| England, UK | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I have brought my friend into the hospital.)

Doctor: “What seems to be the problem?”

Friend: “I think I inhaled my nose ring…”

Me: *trying not to laugh*

Doctor: “Do you think you swallowed it?”

Friend: “Uhm, yes. But I also feel a lump at the back of my throat…”

Doctor: *does examination* “Okay, I can’t see anything but I’ll send you for an x-ray. When did this happen?”

Friend: “Three days ago.”

Doctor: “So you waited three days to get checked out when you thought you had a piece of metal stuck in your throat, yet you’re breathing, eating, and drinking fine for those three days?”

Friend: “Yeah.”

Doctor: “Okay, I’ll send you for an x-ray.”

(Not surprisingly, the x-ray came back clear and almost everyone was trying to hold in their laughter!)

A Welcome Change

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bad Behavior, Language & Words, Top

(I’ve been a nurse for a long time. There have been a few patients over the years that think nurses are slaves and never say please or thank you.)

Patient: “Turn the TV on.”

Me: *turns TV on*

Patient: “Get me a glass of water!”

Me: *hands him a glass of water*

Patient’s Relative: “Pass the tissues over.”

Me: *passes the box of tissue over to the relative*

(This had been going on all day with never a please or thank you. I have had enough so I say:)

Me: “You’re welcome!”

Patient: “Pardon. What was that?”

Me: *acting surprised* “I said ‘you’re welcome.’ I thought I heard you say ‘thank you.’ My mistake. Sorry.”

(The manners improved substantially after that! I’ve only had to say it three or four times in 30 years, but it’s always worked!)