Some Pathetically Idiotic Understanding

, , , , | Healthy | August 26, 2018

(I am sitting in the waiting room, hoping my ankle isn’t broken, when I overhear this:)

Mom: *to dad, dragging her five-year-old girl behind her* “Yeah, the doctor said it was just idiot pathetic vomiting. We have to come in if she tries it again.”

(It took me a while to figure out this lady was trying to pronounce, “idiopathic,” meaning, “of unknown cause.” That poor kid!)

They Need A Head Doctor

, , , | Healthy | August 25, 2018

(I work at the main information and patient enquiries desk for a major hospital. I get asked the full range of questions, some often way out of my scope of knowledge, but I try my best to at least point people in the right direction! People often give me very few details of what they want and just assume I will read their mind. I cannot check patients in for appointments; I must direct them to the clinic they are seeing.)

Me: “Good morning! How can I help you?”

Visitor: “[Last Name].”

Me: “Is that an inpatient you’re looking for?”

Visitor: “I have an appointment. [Last Name].”

Me: “Okay, what type of specialist are you seeing?”

Visitor: “[Last Name].”

Me: “Okay, I don’t need your name, just what type of doctor you’re seeing. What’s it for? Your heart? Bones? Lungs?”

Visitor: “[Last Name].”

Visitor’s Friend: “1:30.”

Me: *to friend* “What type of specialist?”

Visitor’s Friend: “[Last Name].”

Me: *trying so very hard to remain calm* “What. Kind. Of. Doctor?”

Visitor’s Friend: “Oh! I’m not sure. Hang on; let me check the paperwork…”

Read And Bleed

, , , , | Healthy | August 24, 2018

(I’m rather clumsy, and this time it lands me in the ER. The doctor that’s checking me out is actually my neighbor.)

Doctor: “All right, what did you do this time?”

Me: “Well, I woke up and wanted to finish reading my book from yesterday, but I wanted to make breakfast, as well, so I walked downstairs whilst reading, and I kind of fell…”

Doctor: *long pause* “At least you read, right?”

(I managed to break a bone in my arm, and needed a cast.)

In Possession Of A Different Understanding Of The Law

, , , , , | Legal | August 24, 2018

(A woman is brought into our hospital and upon checking her personal items, the staff discover illegal drugs on her. They call us — campus police — to take possession of the drugs and file the evidence. We process a warrant for her arrest for possession of controlled substances and wait for her to be discharged. The arrest goes smoothly and we think nothing of it… until the next day when I receive a phone call in dispatch from a woman stating we have her property and she wants it back. I ask her what property she’s needing, as we don’t typically keep property; it is transferred to the jail.)

Woman: “You have my drugs.”

Me: “Excuse me?” *thinking I MUST have heard her wrong*

Woman: “You took my drugs, and I paid for them, and I want them back!”

Me: “Ma’am, we took your illegal drugs and they are now evidence of a crime. You’re not getting them back.”

Woman: “But I paid for them! They’re mine!”

(She then spent a good five minutes arguing with me that we should give her drugs back to her because she “paid” for them.)

Sleeping On The Job

, , , | Healthy | August 22, 2018

(I work on a switchboard for a major hospital. We take all external and internal calls then direct them to the appropriate department.)

Me: “Good morning, [Hospital].”

Caller: “Hi, can I speak with someone about rescheduling my appointment?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you will need to speak to the outpatients department, and they do not open until nine am; you will have to call back a bit later!”

Caller: “Oh, what time is it now?”

Me: “It’s 8:15.”

Caller: “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise it was so early! I hope I didn’t wake you, did I?”

Me: “Um… No?”

(Yes, he was completely serious; he continued on the conversation as normal after that! I’ll never know if it was just an instinctive reaction for him to say that, or if he genuinely thinks we sleep when there are no calls?)

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