Not Quite Ringing True

| England, UK | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I have brought my friend into the hospital.)

Doctor: “What seems to be the problem?”

Friend: “I think I inhaled my nose ring…”

Me: *trying not to laugh*

Doctor: “Do you think you swallowed it?”

Friend: “Uhm, yes. But I also feel a lump at the back of my throat…”

Doctor: *does examination* “Okay, I can’t see anything but I’ll send you for an x-ray. When did this happen?”

Friend: “Three days ago.”

Doctor: “So you waited three days to get checked out when you thought you had a piece of metal stuck in your throat, yet you’re breathing, eating, and drinking fine for those three days?”

Friend: “Yeah.”

Doctor: “Okay, I’ll send you for an x-ray.”

(Not surprisingly, the x-ray came back clear and almost everyone was trying to hold in their laughter!)

A Welcome Change

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bad Behavior, Language & Words, Top

(I’ve been a nurse for a long time. There have been a few patients over the years that think nurses are slaves and never say please or thank you.)

Patient: “Turn the TV on.”

Me: *turns TV on*

Patient: “Get me a glass of water!”

Me: *hands him a glass of water*

Patient’s Relative: “Pass the tissues over.”

Me: *passes the box of tissue over to the relative*

(This had been going on all day with never a please or thank you. I have had enough so I say:)

Me: “You’re welcome!”

Patient: “Pardon. What was that?”

Me: *acting surprised* “I said ‘you’re welcome.’ I thought I heard you say ‘thank you.’ My mistake. Sorry.”

(The manners improved substantially after that! I’ve only had to say it three or four times in 30 years, but it’s always worked!)

He’s Not Exactly Professor X(Ray)

| UK | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(An elderly man in a wheelchair comes into the clinic waiting room accompanied by his adult son. This clinic is held upstairs.)

Nurse: “Mr. [Man]?”

Man: “Yep.”

Nurse: “You’ll need an x-ray before you see [Consultant].”

Man: “I’m not having no x-ray. I’ve had enough x-rays!”

Nurse: “Well, [Consultant] has requested a new x-ray before he sees you today.”

Man: “No, I’m not having no x-ray.”

Nurse: “Did you want me to cancel your appointment today, then?”

Man: “No, I’m here. I want my appointment.”

Nurse: Well, [Consultant] can’t do anything unless you have a new x-ray.”

Man: “Fine! I’ll have the x-ray.”

Nurse: “Okay, then. If you’ll just take the lift to go downstairs to x-ray—”

Man: “Down? I’ve just come up in the lift! I’m not going down again! I’ve had enough of this: up in the lift, down in the lift. I don’t like lifts! I’m not going down in any lift. You can’t make me.”

Son: “I reckon you’ll be staying here all night, then, Dad. We’re on the second floor.”